rollercoaster

During my 3 years as a Jr. High teacher, I have gone through a constant internal battle with myself about whether or not it is what I REALLY want to do with my life.
I have my good weeks and my bad weeks; last week was undoubtedly a BAD week. I don't know why, but sometimes I just feel so fed up and tired of the same crap over and over. Sometimes I can be very sensitive to the smallest things. Sometimes, I just really feel like I am NOT that good at my job.

It's just so strange because everywhere I turn, I have people telling me otherwise. The students seems to REALLY like me (of course, they have their bad weeks & days, also), the parents give me NOTHING but praise, my principal has never uttered a negative word in my direction, and my fellow teachers even seem to think I'm pretty good at what I do.

In fact, just today, one of the teachers walked into my classroom at the end of the day and said, "These 8th graders are so good for you, Mrs. (Sorry), they must really respect you."

I found it funny that she said that, because I had been feeling the exact OPPOSITE lately. I felt that I had let them get too comfortable with me to the point that I felt like they weren't giving me the respect I wanted.

It's just such an up and downhill battle in my mind. I don't know if I'm just incredibly WAY TOO hard on myself AND my students or if everyone else is just absolutely nuts.

I don't know.

All I know is that some days I feel frustrated and angry on the inside, and some days, like today, my students really make it all worthwhile for me.

Today some of my 6th grade students asked me what I was doing for Christmas vacation. I told them I was going home to be with my family. They told me to tell my family they said, "hi" -- and then said to tell them, "they raised a nice daughter."

How sweet is that? Seriously. So sweet.

*sigh.