I kissed my first trimester goodbye last week (I think? Gosh, it's sooo much harder to keep track of these things the 2nd time around). Let me tell you. There was no love lost as I shoved it out of my life and slammed the door behind it.
I feel like I've been living in my own universe these past couple of months. Holy Cow. It's been NUTS.
First of all, I am SO SUPER happy to be pregnant, but it was indeed a surprise. I had just started thinking that sometime in the next few months would be a good time to get pregnant, so I had started charting my bbt. Because of the charting and a handy dandy phone app and some breast tingling that felt distinctly like let-down during breastfeeding, I had a pretty clear idea that I was pregnant way before any pregnancy test on the market would verify it as a certainty.
I struggled a bit with it at first because of course a test verified the pregnancy amidst one of Sawyer's few bouts with being totally and completely miserably SICK. He wasn't sleeping well day or night. Mike got banned from our bedroom where I had Sawyer set up in a pack-n-play for the first part of the night, but he inevitably ended up in my bed with me for the 2nd half of the night. This went on way too long, and I spent a couple of those wakeful nights with my sick little man wondering how the f$%# I was going to manage another little tiny person when this one was challenging me quite profoundly as it was.
Then of course, when he got better, the task of breaking him of his horrible sleeping habits ensued. Why would he want to go to bed nicely in his crib when he'd been sleeping happily with his mama for the past week? Smart kid. Miserable mom. It took two weeks of the dreaded "cry it out" method before I got him back to his regular sleeping patterns. That was 3 crazy weeks of my life...
Soon thereafter I sat down one day and felt some slight pain in my tailbone. Hmm. Strange. The next day it was worse. The next worse. And worse. And worse. And HOLY GOD what is wrong with me? I looked it up online and found that many pregnant woman experience tailbone pain/discomfort due to everything shifting around and bla bla bla. Coccidia is what it's called. I couldn't sit down. Sleeping was a nightmare... the only position that was remotely bearable was on my tummy. I was beyond worried that I would have to deal with this pain for the rest of my pregnancy.
Then one day, pus starting coming out. HUH? Back to my handy google. What's this? Pilonidal abscess? An infected cyst? On my tailbone? Around that same time I started spiking fevers. A visit to the doctor was necessary. I went believing that he would drain my cyst and all would be right with the world. Well, he was unsuccessful. He put me on an antibiotic, gave me some painkillers that I was determined NOT to take (I was freaking out enough about all of the tylenol I had consumed over the past week), and scheduled me for another appointment 2 days later to figure out how we would proceed from there.
The drive home was the most excruciating experience of my life. Now not only did I have an infected cyst but I had a scalpel wound in the same area and I was in PAIN. I actually called Michael SOBBING MY EYES OUT begging him to pick me up and drive me home. But he was right in the midst of some overnight stays at work where he was the only officer present and he said he could not leave. He was really so very sorry, but he could not leave. I still don't know if I've quite forgiven him for that.
When I got home (my guardian angel must've been working triple time during that drive) I took that stupid painkiller - just one. Thanks to it, I somehow managed to take care of my child while I was in the most horriffic pain of my life (worse than childbirth, I really do believe). That night I didn't sleep at all. The pain spiked to unbearable, and I found myself unable to do anything other than lay on my stomach (but I refused to take another painkiller becuase I was so so so scared for the vulernable little one growing in my belly). I called Mike and told him he had to be home the next morning to TAKE ME TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM. Thankfully he got home before Sawyer woke up because I have no idea how I would have taken care of him by myself.
We went to the ER. I was sent to see a surgeon. He successfully drained it. HOLY PAIN. It was disgusting!!!
The healing of a pilonidal abscess is the most important part. The wound has to heal from the inside out, so it is not sewn up. It is left as an open wound (a pocket in your skin) and I was tasked with soaking it twice daily and vigilantly cleaning it by sticking q tips inside the wound. NOT FUN.
It was. CRAZY. I'm all healed up now, but still find sitting flat on my butt for any length of time to be quite uncomfortable. I don't know if it's just going to be this way for the rest of my life or if this is because though the abscess (the infection) is gone, there is supposedly still a cyst there. My surgeon instructed me to come see him after I have my baby... so I can have the cyst surgically removed... I'm really not looking forward to it. (Unless the cyst is removed, I will continue to have recurrences of the abscess for the rest of my life. I just pray I don't have a recurrence again during this pregnancy...cringe.)
In any case... It was a fun little adventure to have at all... let alone to have in the first trimester of pregnancy. The upside was that after all of the pain from the abscess subsided simple nausea from pregnancy was NOTHIN! shoooooot.
That completes My First Trimester Saga Part 1.
Up next... my 8 hour road trip to Florida that commenced a week after my abscess drainage and involved some awesome car trouble....
until then..
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Sunday, April 22, 2012
The Swamp
To be completely honest, I firmly believe that when we first moved here to South Carolina everything that could have gone wrong did go wrong. The fleas were horriffic, yes, but it was much much more than that. It was driving on long, ugly stretches of nothing and the sinking feeling in my stomach that I really and truly have moved to the middle of absolutely nowhere, the fact that only one of my new neighbors greeted me with kindness (or greeted me at all, actually) and even from her I got the very strong impression that she had more than enough friends thankyouverymuch and really wasn't interested in adding another to her list.
I was even very bold and forced my introverted, nervous in situations where I know no one self to go to an officers' spouses' gathering. There I put on my biggest smile and forced myself to walk up to complete strangers - many of them - and engage them in conversation. I was looking for 2 very specific things. 1. someone with a child or children in Sawyer's age group AND 2. someone who lives in the same base housing community I do.
I found a couple of people who had kids Sawyer's age. I found no one who lives in my community. In fact, the people I told where I live did not even try to hide their disdain. Apparently, the officers who work on Parris Island do not live in the base housing community I do. *They live on Parris Island (which we tried for, of course, but there was nothing available - so we took what we thought was the next best option).
I don't remember for sure, but I'm pretty sure I left that night and cried a little bit when I got to my car. The event was held in an absolutely stunning house on Parris Island - where it was clear to me that all of the cool kids live. I felt angry. jipped. and frustrated. It seemed that here in this place - this place that I had held such high hopes for - I was starting with all of the chips stacked against me.
I can't tell you that it has gotten a thousand times better since then. I have met people. People in my neighborhood. People associated with Mike's Battalion. Some of the cool kids from Parris Island. None of whom have done what it is that I really need from someone in order to secure a real friendship - reached out. I still have hope, though, for the fledgling friendships I have going.
When people ask me how I like it here -- how my transition was -- I always tell them that it was culture shock. I don't have any better way to describe it. This place is unlike any other. Many military families here make this joke, but it's actually the truth... we live in a swamp. Marshland everywhere. Mosquitoes aplenty. Crocodiles galore. How I'm raising a toddler here and actually willing to go outside where the bugs attack you in swarms I do not know. All I know is he needs to go outside, so we do. That doesn't mean that I don't daydream daily about the lush, green Pennsylvania grass that does not carry the threat of fireant attacks or the beautiful humidity free weather of San Diego where doors could be left open all day long without worry of bugs infesting your home.
And yes. I'm just going to come out and say it. I miss Target. I so badly miss Target. And Kohls. And shopping malls. I will admit that a Sunday afternoon trip to one of these places was always my mental health therapy and now I have to travel long distances to find something other than Wal-Mart or the absolute worst JC Penney store you could ever imagine.
With all of that said. With all of the total imperfections of this place in which I live, the truth of the matter is... it's really not so bad. Even my neighborhood. I have had a lot of time to look at it through discerning eyes. The cool kids look at this neighborhood with scorn, but it is a perfectly fine place to live. Our house is completely fine - not my dream house, certainly, but not the pits by any means. The fleas, yes, that was absolutely terrible, but they're gone. I kicked their butt thankyouverymuch. Just outside my back door you can walk out onto a fishing pier and watch dolphins jumping from the bay at night. A little Sunday stroll takes you to a small horse stable. The people here are all very normal and nice - though I have not found my best friend amidst this crowd just yet. I still can't understand why that very first night when I met all of those ladies so many of them looked down at me with thinly veiled pity when I told them where I live.
Then there are times, like today, when we were driving through this very strange and interesting area of South Carolina that I really felt very thankful to be living here. Certainly it is my least favorite place the Marine Corps has sent us, but it's different and there is this big part of me that feels very grateful to have had the opportunity to not just see and visit but to actually live in and experience so many different parts of this intricate and beautiful country.
With approximately another year and a half to go here in South Carolina (and very possibly only a year and a half to go as a Marine Corps spouse) I still have high hopes for this place and these people. I hope to make the best of this situation yet.
*for the record this is called the tri-command area, meaning there are 3 military bases in the area. The military housing community in which I live is a military base that consists purely of military housing. Anyone from any 3 bases can live here. (but apparently the officers from PI choose not to).
I was even very bold and forced my introverted, nervous in situations where I know no one self to go to an officers' spouses' gathering. There I put on my biggest smile and forced myself to walk up to complete strangers - many of them - and engage them in conversation. I was looking for 2 very specific things. 1. someone with a child or children in Sawyer's age group AND 2. someone who lives in the same base housing community I do.
I found a couple of people who had kids Sawyer's age. I found no one who lives in my community. In fact, the people I told where I live did not even try to hide their disdain. Apparently, the officers who work on Parris Island do not live in the base housing community I do. *They live on Parris Island (which we tried for, of course, but there was nothing available - so we took what we thought was the next best option).
I don't remember for sure, but I'm pretty sure I left that night and cried a little bit when I got to my car. The event was held in an absolutely stunning house on Parris Island - where it was clear to me that all of the cool kids live. I felt angry. jipped. and frustrated. It seemed that here in this place - this place that I had held such high hopes for - I was starting with all of the chips stacked against me.
I can't tell you that it has gotten a thousand times better since then. I have met people. People in my neighborhood. People associated with Mike's Battalion. Some of the cool kids from Parris Island. None of whom have done what it is that I really need from someone in order to secure a real friendship - reached out. I still have hope, though, for the fledgling friendships I have going.
When people ask me how I like it here -- how my transition was -- I always tell them that it was culture shock. I don't have any better way to describe it. This place is unlike any other. Many military families here make this joke, but it's actually the truth... we live in a swamp. Marshland everywhere. Mosquitoes aplenty. Crocodiles galore. How I'm raising a toddler here and actually willing to go outside where the bugs attack you in swarms I do not know. All I know is he needs to go outside, so we do. That doesn't mean that I don't daydream daily about the lush, green Pennsylvania grass that does not carry the threat of fireant attacks or the beautiful humidity free weather of San Diego where doors could be left open all day long without worry of bugs infesting your home.
And yes. I'm just going to come out and say it. I miss Target. I so badly miss Target. And Kohls. And shopping malls. I will admit that a Sunday afternoon trip to one of these places was always my mental health therapy and now I have to travel long distances to find something other than Wal-Mart or the absolute worst JC Penney store you could ever imagine.
With all of that said. With all of the total imperfections of this place in which I live, the truth of the matter is... it's really not so bad. Even my neighborhood. I have had a lot of time to look at it through discerning eyes. The cool kids look at this neighborhood with scorn, but it is a perfectly fine place to live. Our house is completely fine - not my dream house, certainly, but not the pits by any means. The fleas, yes, that was absolutely terrible, but they're gone. I kicked their butt thankyouverymuch. Just outside my back door you can walk out onto a fishing pier and watch dolphins jumping from the bay at night. A little Sunday stroll takes you to a small horse stable. The people here are all very normal and nice - though I have not found my best friend amidst this crowd just yet. I still can't understand why that very first night when I met all of those ladies so many of them looked down at me with thinly veiled pity when I told them where I live.
Then there are times, like today, when we were driving through this very strange and interesting area of South Carolina that I really felt very thankful to be living here. Certainly it is my least favorite place the Marine Corps has sent us, but it's different and there is this big part of me that feels very grateful to have had the opportunity to not just see and visit but to actually live in and experience so many different parts of this intricate and beautiful country.
With approximately another year and a half to go here in South Carolina (and very possibly only a year and a half to go as a Marine Corps spouse) I still have high hopes for this place and these people. I hope to make the best of this situation yet.
 |
| the bay behind our house at sunset |
Saturday, April 7, 2012
Life
Life has been... busy. I got some life changing news - life changing in the very best kind of way. I had a health setback. Sawyer and I endeavored upon a long road trip to visit with my friends. Thanks to some car trouble and the aforementioned health setback and the life changing news - the trip was very eventful - not necesserily in the best kind of ways. In the midst of it all, Mike continued to work his ridiculous hours as a series commander here on Parris Island, SC.
Things seem to be settling down now. Mike's recruits graduated, so he has some downtime. My health setback is mostly resolved. Car troubles on the road are already turning into long lost memories...
...and now I have some time to focus on my news.
We are having another baby. Due at the end of October. I am scared. So scared. But happy. So happy. At first I was filled with mostly fears... trying desperately to figure out the logistics of how to care for two very young kids at the same time. Now I know that I will do it just the way I have figured out how to be a mother to Sawyer. Day by day. I will make mistakes, surely. I will have tears and heartaches and moments where I want to kick myself for being so STUPID... but my heart will burst with double the love, my face will surely hurt from all of the smiles... and the joy. Oh man. I will be overflowing with joy.
Now that you know my news, and I have had a chance to take a long, deep breath I will be back soon to regale you with my tales of my medical unpleasantness, my adventures on the road with a little one, and my incredible little boy who amazes me at every turn.
Until then...
Things seem to be settling down now. Mike's recruits graduated, so he has some downtime. My health setback is mostly resolved. Car troubles on the road are already turning into long lost memories...
...and now I have some time to focus on my news.
We are having another baby. Due at the end of October. I am scared. So scared. But happy. So happy. At first I was filled with mostly fears... trying desperately to figure out the logistics of how to care for two very young kids at the same time. Now I know that I will do it just the way I have figured out how to be a mother to Sawyer. Day by day. I will make mistakes, surely. I will have tears and heartaches and moments where I want to kick myself for being so STUPID... but my heart will burst with double the love, my face will surely hurt from all of the smiles... and the joy. Oh man. I will be overflowing with joy.
Now that you know my news, and I have had a chance to take a long, deep breath I will be back soon to regale you with my tales of my medical unpleasantness, my adventures on the road with a little one, and my incredible little boy who amazes me at every turn.
Until then...
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