words

I believe that words are very powerful.

There are certain groups of people who need to be especially careful with their choice of words. I learned this as a teacher. I was taught early on during the parent/teacher conference process that it is important to carefully cushion criticisms with positive statements about a student.  Even with careful cushioning and phrasing of tough news, I was shocked by how many parents used the box of tissues we always set out in the middle of the table.

I understand it more now - the tissue use. Being a parent is a very emotional experience.

Which leads me to the other group of people who should be especially conscious of the words they use:

Doctors.

Sawyer had his 6 month appointment last week and his weight has dropped from the 50th percentile from his very first appointment back at 1 month to being in the 4th percentile now. The doctor is a bit concerned.  They use these charts, and if Sawyer had been in the 4th percentile for weight all along it would not be alarming. It's the fact that he dropped from the 25th percentile (at 4 months) to the 4th percentile (now) that was alarming to the doctor. .

While discussing the problem of his weight, Sawyer's doctor said these exact words: "Usually when a baby is starving....

The rest of the appointment is a bit of a blur... because all I heard from that statement was

starving
starving
starving
starving
starving

She did finish her sentence with: "....the weight drops dramatically and then the height starts to go down, but Sawyer seems to be dropping height and weight at the same time." Thankfully my mom was there with me because I didn't really catch that. because. starving. blur. yeah.


What I disliked most about pregnancy was that I alone was completely responsible for this little baby growing inside of me.  I was the one who was supposed to do those wretched kick counts. I was the one who was supposed to provide proper nutrients. I was the one who was supposed to somehow be aware of and alert the doctor if anything was off. It was so much freaking pressure!

I thought that would change when the baby entered the world and other people could see the baby. I thought I would no longer be solely responsible for his well-being.  But when you're nursing a baby and his life's sustenance comes completely from you and then your doctor tells you that your baby might not be getting enough to sustain him and even uses the word STARVING --- it's rather unsettling.

What I hated most was that I feel that my doctor presented a problem but did not offer any solution. She said maybe my milk supply is low, yet did not recommend that I supplement with a bottle. All she said was that I should monitor his weight and make sure that he was gaining.  but. umm. hello! I didn't have a darn clue that he was in the 4th percentile for weight. In fact, I had just commented to my mom that he was starting to get rather chubby. I thought my baby was perfectly wonderful and fine. So I'm bring him back in 3 weeks for a weight check... and then if he's still very low in the weight department, the doctor plans to run "tests" - which sounds like a nightmare....

and the thing is? my baby seems perfect. He's happy. and content. and smiley. and laughing. he rarely EVER cries. he sleeps 12 solid hours every single night. common sense tells me he is not starving and he is perfectly fine. common sense tells me that the roly poly fat babies out there are throwing the weight charts off and my perfectly healthy normal sized baby seems like he's too skinny just because of some stupid chart that doctors these days rely on instead of looking at the actual baby and seeing how amazingly awesome and perfect he is.

I mean, come on, does this baby look starving to you??

*to be clear: Sawyer has not LOST weight - he is simply not gaining weight as fast as they think he should based on their percentile charts for baby development. Based on their percentile charts he weighs more than 4% of other babies his age...

*I did come across a very interesting percentile chart online that is just for breastfed babies, and on that chart he was in the 25th percentile... which is still a bit low, but not quite as low.

*His height is in the 59th percentile currently. It has been progressively dropping from the 92nd percentile that he was when he was born. The doctor did hypothesize that maybe he's just not meant to be such a big kid and his body is regulating.... which kind of explains things... but then... 4%? yikes.

**sigh. just something else to worry about, right?

prayers for a little girl

Isn't it funny how facebook can make you feel so connected to people? Facebook is a huge blessing in the lives of military families like ours. As we move around and meet and leave different people, it helps us stay connected with our military friends.

In Florida I met a fellow military wife at a mutual friend's baby shower. When we moved to North Carolina for those few months, she was there as well.  We were not the very best of friends, but she and her husband hosted some lovely parties and we got to know them this way.

It has been 5 years now since we have seen her and her husband, and in the meantime they have started a family.  They  have the most adorable 3-year-old boy named Jack and a beautiful 20-month-old girl named Lilliana.  She and I are facebook friends, so we keep up with each other's lives that way.

Recently, Jen's husband returned home from a deployment and her pictures brought tears to my eyes. I remember looking in awe at those pictures and thinking to myself what a perfect little family they are. It took their little girl a couple of days to be comfortable around her Dad again... since he had been gone so long, she didn't really know him. Jen posted about these things on facebook, and I found myself feeling sad about the times when Michael might have to deploy in the future and the pain he might feel when Sawyer is uncomfortable around him for a little while....

On post deployment leave, they traveled to Michigan to visit their families. They grew up in the same town. While there, their 20-month-old daughter stopped walking without support. That plus a few other symptoms they related to their family doctor on the phone led him to believe that there might be something neurological going on.

He was right. They soon discovered that Lilliana had a brain tumor.
7 hour surgery ensued where they discovered not just one but two tumors in her brain.

Cancer. AT RT cancer - which I researched and discovered is the second leading cause of death for children under three and carries a 10 percent survival rate....

Jen updated the other night that while recovering from her surgery, her little girl is too weak to even open her eyes, but she did raise her arms up and show them her muscles (her most recent trick).

I've never met this little girl. It has been years since I was in REAL contact with her mother, but my heart is breaking for this family. It is just too terrible for words.

Sawyer has never even had a real cold. The idea of such a long surgery. A baby who is too weak to open her eyes. Chemotherapy on this little girl's horizon. I am just sick with sadness for this family. This family that only weeks ago seemed to be the perfect little family. The family that I looked to with eyes of envy.

I know that you don't know Lilliana or her family - but if you are a praying kind of person - please keep her and her family in your prayers. They need them.

Time for a Tour

Today we signed papers with a rental company. They say our house will officially be up for rent tomorrow.... I have bittersweet feelings about this whole thing. Before we leave this place (possibly for good), I thought I would take pictures of the house. It is and forever will be the very first home we ever own. I have my issues with it, but I imagine there will be a time when I will look back on it with wistfulness. Without further ado, I give you: My House.


Hello. Welcome to my neighborhood. As you can see, it's trash day. The hills in the distance are full of horse trails that are fun to explore - but watch out because you just might encounter a rattlesnake or a coyote. Yikes!

This is my house. Notice all the palm trees? I. Hate. Them.

 

Would you like to come in? (If you're a vampire, however, I formally rescind your invitation) ;)



Upon entering the front door, this is what you see. The desk and book shelf used to have their own room, but Sawyer's arrival kicked them out and this is where they now reside.

Look around you, and you'll find yourself standing here - in my entranceway. The wall to the right is filled with pictures of all of the people in our families who have served in the military.



pivot slightly to the right and you find the living room - home of the obnoxiously large tv and the most comfortable couches in the world (this is a proven fact).



Another pivot to the right and you are looking at my kitchen. I do love my kitchen, though I regret never putting in new countertops and cabinets...

 


and the place with the table.... (can't really call it a dining room, now can we?)

to your left is the hallway

when you start to walk down the hallway, the first room on your left is the bathroom

I am in love with my pedestal sinks

 the first room on your right is Sawyer's room

 It's my favorite room in the house

these pictures just aren't doing it justice

 the next room on your right is the guest room.

It houses many of Michael's military plaques and certificates. Many more need to be framed and added.

 across from the guest room is our bedroom. Copper thinks he is the king of the bed. He is there 99% of the time.

in this picture you catch a small glimpse of our bathroom. It's exactly the same as the other bathroom, so I didn't include a picture.

 After you walked in the front door, if you had continued walking straight you would have landed in our backyard.

It's very private and feels like an extension of the house

these are two of the five nasty palm trees that send debris into our pool at an alarming rate. Too bad it would cost $500 each to cut them down...

Lastly, I take you to the garage - which has only just recently begun to house our elliptical and is thoroughly RAT free. Promise.


That completes your tour. Thanks for stopping in.



Napping News and More

Finally. Officially. I am pretty kind of almost completely certain that Sawyer and I have an understanding and agreement about naptime. After the recent post where I proclaimed loud and proud that I conquered the naptime struggle, Sawyer decided to laugh in my face and back pedal a couple of steps. It's all good now, though.

Steps to getting Sawyer to nap successfully:
1. wait until he's REALLY REALLY REALLY tired
2. wait a little bit longer
3. mmmmm.. maybe you might want to give it another couple of minutes
4. change his diaper (this step is optional depending on last diaper change)
5. feed him
6. give him pacifier
7. if he still seems to have much too much energy, sit with him for a few minutes in his nursery and allow him to zone out. (no talking, no toys, just quiet resting and cuddling)
8. place him in crib
9. give him stuffed animal
10. kiss him on forehead.
11. If he doesn't even glance at you as you back away - you are golden. If his eyes frantically follow you out of the room you most likely messed up somewhere in steps 1-10 and are in for a rough time.

Today I messed up on steps 1 through 3, and then didn't use the failsafe number 7 so for the first time in at least a week and a half my first attempt at naptime was a big FAIL. You know what, though? I did not assume the fetal position on the floor, curse angrily at the cruel world, or shed tears of frustration. I simply let him watch some tv with me hoping he would zone out sufficiently, but when he started smiling and giggling at me I realized something was amiss and Sawyer was not quite ready for naptime. So he played on the floor for awhile until we finally achieved steps 1-3 and I could go through the entire process once again. (this time he was absolutely exhausted and the process worked like a charm)

In other amazing sleeping baby news, Sawyer no longer sleeps in a pack-n-play next to our bed at night. I was keeping him in the room because though he hasn't woken up for feedings in the middle of the night in months, he still tosses and turns and moans when his pacifier falls out. Having him next to me allowed me to quickly place it back in his mouth so that he could roll over and fall back to sleep without ever really waking. I feared that having him down the hallway would mean I would be jumping out of bed in the middle of the night.  I finally just bit the bullet and put him in the other room, though, and it is going just fine. I have had to get out of bed on a few occassions, but generally he is able to find the misplaced pacifier on his own and put himself back to sleep. I don't go in unless he starts crying (which is so rare in the middle of the night that it actually warrants an immediate reaction) or moans and groans for so long that I just take pity on him. He's adjusting remarkably well, though, and I am super happy to have taken two big steps in the right direction these past two weeks.

My parents arrive in San Diego on Saturday, and I just Can. Not. Wait. for them to see Sawyer! No one in either of our families has seen him since he was one month old, and they are all in for such a pleasant surprise when they finally see him again. He is already so full of personality and charm at only 6 months. We are truly blessed.

Hope

I can honestly say that I never thought the day would come when I would see this:

But just the other day, I walked into the bedroom to find Mike hovering over this scene.

Judging by the size of Copper's head vs. Sawyer in general, I'm sure you can understand why we had some trepidation about interactions between these two.

Recently, Copper (our siberian husky/problem child) has seemed to turn a corner with Sawyer. Whereas he has always been curious about Sawyer, he recently seems to have become comfortable with Sawyer. He will approach Sawyer. Lie down near us. Let Sawyer grab his fur without complaint or reaction. The thing that I appreciate most about both of my dogs is that they don't approach Sawyer unless we are with him.  We have trained them this way. Thankfully, though both of our dogs are very neurotic outdoors and around strangers, they are very obedient in our house.

I always believed that our husky would be better with children than our border collie - because he is a pack dog and very loving and cuddly with his pack (family). His interactions with my nephews and his first interaction with Sawyer threw me off, and I started to try to come to terms with the idea that my family just might never mesh well. I have more hope now than ever, though, after witnessing the above moment.

While I can honestly say that I no longer believe that Copper would harm Sawyer purposely - out of either anxiety or anger, I anxiously anticipate the days when Sawyer is mobile and can disturb and annoy Copper at will. We will be sure to tread carefully when those days arrive. 

For now, things are moving in the right direction, and I find happiness in that.

As for our border collie, he is still a bit nervous around Sawyer. He will aproach him and wag his tail, but when Sawyer starts grabbing he runs away. Ramsey does not have a mean bone in his body, though, so while I wish he'd be able to relax better around Sawyer, I'm not worried about it.