stuff and things

In this blog post I will be covering the following ideas which may or may not be related:

I'm spending Thursday - Sunday alone with Sawyer while Mike is on the East Coast being a groomsman in his cousin's wedding.

Both Mike and I have recently been spending a lot of time weighing the pros and cons of staying in the marine corps vs. getting out

We have rats in our attic

Yes. spending alone time with Sawyer. Nervous about the prospect of 4 days without Mike as back-up. Super sad that Mike is seeing the family but I and (most importantly) Sawyer are not. This was my decision. Just the thought of this trip overwhelmed me beyond belief. That plus the exorbitant cost of flying us across the country helped me to decide that Sawyer and I should stay behind. I don't really regret my decision, but I am very, very, VERY sad that Sawyer will be at least 6 months old before anyone in our family gets to see him again. They are missing out, let me tell you.

Mike. Possibly getting out of the USMC (in 2 years after we do our next tour in Parris Island, South Carolina). Of course, the most practical decision is for Mike to stay in. Incredible health insurance. check. Amazing retirement. check. Steady paycheck. CHECK.

However, there's this whole thing about all of these wars and marines going to them and bla bla bla. I mean, we have a kid involved in this whole thing now and will most likely have another one sometime in the somewhat near future... Four days without Michael is throwing me through a freaking loop... what will I do without him for months and months on end while he deploys? Not to mention that, you know, these kids kind of need a Daddy in their lives so I'd prefer not to be sending him off to do dangerous things. Ya know what I'm saying? Yep. Also? If we're not part of the usmc world we can live near our family and all that good stuff. Lots to think about.

rats. di-freaking-sgusting. As I was pulling into my garage the other night, my headlights zoned in on a giant rat scaling the top of our garage wall and disappearing into a hole that could only lead to our attic. Since then we've been hearing a lot of noise above us. We called the exterminators and they're taking care of the situation. They came yesterday and set up some traps... said we'd be hearing them going off... I've only heard one and am now thinking that I just spent a butt load of money to have the professionals come in and kill one rat. I wouldn't be too terribly heartbroken over the loss of money if that were the case. It would be my kind of luck, though.

All in all, I'm deathly afraid of said rats and will not step foot inside of my garage until I have assurance that they (he, she, it?) are gone. I can't believe I'm in this house alone while rats are dying above me. (see how this is coming together?)

On another note, my alone time with Sawyer is going pretty well so far. We took a 3 hour nap together this morning, and he's currently nestled in his crib working on his third nap of the day. Also, when I asked him what he wanted to do with his alone time with mommy, he gave me the biggest, brightest smile and I thought I would die from the cuteness.

that is all.

The Many Ways My Life Has Changed Since Becoming a Mommy

1. If my house is messy it's because I just haven't had a chance to clean it up - not because I've been lazy

2. There are days when I do not sit down at my computer one.single.time.

3. Sawyer is always my first thought.

ex. 1: a possible radiation cloud heading towards So Cal? OMG - how can I protect Sawyer? (totally was no big deal, but that doesn't mean I didn't spend at least a few hours freaking out about it).

ex. 2: whoa - my eyes are really bloodshot. What if I have pink eye? What if SAWYER gets PINK EYE?!?!?!

4. Michael often goes grocery shopping and doesn't do a half bad job of it.

5. Dinner time is often delayed until 7 pm or possibly even 8. Usually after Sawyer is slumbering peacefully in his crib. note: pre-parent-Sarah freaked out if she didn't have dinner between the hours of 4 and 5:30 pm. no joke.

6. We haven't been able to keep up with our DVR'd tv shows.

7. The slightest mention of babies/parent love for babies/cute baby things makes me choke up

8. I have great remorse for all of the times I have judged other parents - both silently and out loud. I am truly humbled and realize that this parenthood thing is not easy and we are all just fumbling around clumsily while hoping and praying for the very best.

9. My heart skips a beat every time I hear a baby cry - on tv, at the store....

10. My heart explodes with love and joy every time I look at my baby boy.

My Toys

For Christmas I was lucky to receive the Amazon Kindle from my parents. Even though I asked for it, I was a little bit nervous that I would have a problem reading novels from a screen instead of a page. I had no need to worry, though. The beauty of the kindle is that it looks exactly like the page from a book and nothing like a computer screen. It was also my lifesaver when Sawyer was first born and nursing him took a minimum of 40 minutes every single time. Instead of sitting and staring at the wall for 40 minutes, I took the opportunity to finish several novels on my kindle. While I would never have been able to manage nursing my baby and a bulky book, the little kindle was no problemo. The last thing I love about the Kindle is that it helps me choose books to read. Maybe I'm alone on this one, but a trip to the library or bookstore was always a very overwhelming experience for me. I tended to literally choose a book by it's cover, but that is no more. Not only do other users write their recommendations, but you can search for books using lots of different criteria, and once you've read a few books the kindle will start recommending books to you which has also been very helpful. All in all, I love my Kindle!

This summer while traveling across the country with my dad, I realized that the two of us were probably the last two people on the planet who weren't getting internet and email on our phones. At the time, I was proud of that fact. For Mike's 30th birthday, though, he got the iPhone 4 and passed his iTouch down to me. After I started using the iTouch a bit, I started turning my green-with-envy eyes towards Mike's phone. I, however, did not want to spend a couple hundred dollars on a cell phone. You can imagine my glee when AT&T started advertising the iPhone 3GS for only $49.99. Perfect! I must say, now that I have the iPhone, I really can't imagine living without it. It is especially useful to me now, since I am completely addicted to facebook and email but often don't even have the chance to sit down at my computer one single time during my very busy stay-at-home-mommy-day. The iPhone 3GS has saved me from getting the shakes and having to go into facebook withdrawal rehab. Thank you, iPhone! You are a lifesaver. Literally.

Last but not least, my new computer the HP TouchSmart 300 PC. Though the iPhone helps me manage my facebook and email shakes, there's much I can't do on it. (this BLOG, Sawyer's website, bills...etcetcetcetc). Our home computer served us for approx. 6 years, but died over the summer, came back to life, and died for good last week. Mike and I took to computer shopping, and of course, couldn't pass up such a neat computer. The coolest thing about this computer? The setup = plug in the computer. Literally. Goodbye thousands of confusing cords. Hello simplicity! I love our new computer and highly recommend it to anyone else in the market. It was also very affordable. We got a refurbished one from bestbuy.com and haven't had any trouble with it at all.

I know we should be saving our money for Sawyer's toys, but these three items were pretty much necessities, and I love my new toys!

Last night Sawyer slept 9 hours without waking. It was quite the event. When he did finally wake up to eat, he didn't want to go right back to sleep as is his usual pattern in the early am. He wanted to celebrate a bit. So I put him on my bed, and he talked to me for a bit. I started to get a little sleepy, so I placed my hand on his chest and closed my eyes for a moment.

When I opened them, his hands were resting on mine and he was staring intently at me. I stared back. While we gazed lovingly into one another's eyes, I thought about how lucky I am to have a precious little guy who brings so much joy to my life.

Not all of my days with him are great. In fact, I often feel like a bumbling idiot and find myself frustrated at my inability to figure out what he wants and needs.

But he loves me despite my shortcomings. He is actually completely fascinated with me. Just as he stared so intently and lovingly at me this morning, so he does the same thing when I am on the phone or talking with Mike. Any time my attention is not completely on him, he takes that opportunity to thorougly examine me. I wonder what he thinks as he gazes with those big inquiring eyes. I hope he realizes that I may not be perfect, but I'm his... that I love him with everything in me, and I will be the best mother I can be for him.

I hope he understands these things. Somehow, I believe that he does.