There was a time last summer after spending a few weeks with my heartbreakingly adorable nephew when I questioned whether I was cut out for the job of parenthood. I decided that I would probably be okay, but that my heart would break on a regular basis.
I think one of my biggest flaw? attributes? is that I feel other people's emotions and pain very strongly. Especially people I really care about. That's why last year when the little kids didn't want to play with my nephew at the playground, I pretty much thought I would die of a broken heart.
I realize that's a bit dramatic, but hey! it's how I felt. truly.
Currently, my siberian husky is having some health problems. Logically, I realize that he has had similar health problems in the past and there has never been any medical reason for why he was having them... he's just a nervous little guy is all. Big life changes wreak havoc on him and next thing you know his anxiety is manifesting itself in all kinds of health problems. Irrationally, I pretty much have myself convinced that he's dying and I'm really freaking out about it. Every time he presents a not-so-healthy symptom I have to hold myself back from running around the house crying, stomping and screaming, "WHY ME?! WHY NOW?!"
Again. dramatic. I know.
Which leads me to my point. I am again finding myself wondering if I am indeed cut out for the job of parenthood. with 5 weeks to go until my due date, I realize it's just a bit too late to turn back, but I'm worried. I mean, every time my baby coughs or sneezes or poops a strange color am I going to do the same thing I am doing now with my dog?
The only possible answer to this question is an unequivocal YES. I mean, if I'm freaking out like this over a dog, I can only imagine that the drama will be magnified ten fold when it's my baby we're talking about.
I can only hope that I don't get so dramatic that I screw my kid up beyond repair. Luckily (I think?) he will have a dad who is my polar opposite. As I am running around the house stomping and screaming that our child is dying of some rare and unknown disease, he will be calmly watching television and assuring me that everything is FINE, just FINE.
I just pray that he will always be right.
Friday, October 22, 2010
Friday, October 8, 2010
My mom and I started taking childbirth classes. Our first class was this past Monday. It was VERY informative... which is... exactly what I need. And then, at the end of class they whipped out these birthing videos to give you an idea of natural childbirth, childbirth with a pain shot, and childbirth with the epidural. Before I watched the videos, I was all gung-ho on the epidural. After I watched the videos, I was all gung-ho on the idea of keeping this baby inside of me forever.
OMG. Let me tell you. These were not your run-of-the-mill Baby Story on TLC birth videos... these videos showed everything. Three videos. Three times I watched what started with the tip of a head and was suddenly a gush of blood and blood and all kinds of gucky stuff come flying out of you-know-where. Three times I cringed. Suffice to say, I'm a little freaked about delivering this baby.
I'm a whimp, people. My sister does have me sold on the epidural, though. I trust my sister's advice in most if not all major decisions of my life. Therefore, upon her expert 2 time veteran recommendation, I'm going to go with that epidural so that even though my insides are going to get ripped out when this baby makes an appearance... at least I won't be able to feel it! :)
And then there's this... I'm really excited. How I manage to walk around like a normal human being on a regular basis, I am not entirely sure. If it weren't for my difficulty getting around these days and my waddle-walk, I would probably skip from place to place. I mean. MIKE'S COMING HOME. He's going to be here. with me. with us. I will not be alone navigating the twisty turns of parenthood for the first several months. I'm ecstatic about this.
My only real worry these days is that he won't make it here for the actual birth. After that first childbirth class, I pretty much decided that he. must. be. there. For my sanity and strength. He. Must. Be. There.
But I know... this will not be up to us... it will be up to this baby. If this baby comes on time or a bit late, Mike will definitely be there. If this baby is early.. well... he probably won't. I can't dwell on it. What will be will be and how it will be will be perfect as long as this baby comes out healthy. That needs to be my main focus.
Next weekend is my baby shower. I'm super excited and a little nervous (man, it's rough being the center of attention.. seriously). I expect this having a baby thing to feel all the more real after I am showered with all the baby gear I could ever possibly dream of having. As of tomorrow I will be 33 weeks pregnant.. which is only 4 weeks from 37 weeks.. which is the date when they say the baby is technically considered "full term"!
crazy!
There's so many things to look forward to in the next 2 months. I can only imagine that time will FLY BY and next thing I know I will be posting pics of my adorable baby boy.
:)
OMG. Let me tell you. These were not your run-of-the-mill Baby Story on TLC birth videos... these videos showed everything. Three videos. Three times I watched what started with the tip of a head and was suddenly a gush of blood and blood and all kinds of gucky stuff come flying out of you-know-where. Three times I cringed. Suffice to say, I'm a little freaked about delivering this baby.
I'm a whimp, people. My sister does have me sold on the epidural, though. I trust my sister's advice in most if not all major decisions of my life. Therefore, upon her expert 2 time veteran recommendation, I'm going to go with that epidural so that even though my insides are going to get ripped out when this baby makes an appearance... at least I won't be able to feel it! :)
And then there's this... I'm really excited. How I manage to walk around like a normal human being on a regular basis, I am not entirely sure. If it weren't for my difficulty getting around these days and my waddle-walk, I would probably skip from place to place. I mean. MIKE'S COMING HOME. He's going to be here. with me. with us. I will not be alone navigating the twisty turns of parenthood for the first several months. I'm ecstatic about this.
My only real worry these days is that he won't make it here for the actual birth. After that first childbirth class, I pretty much decided that he. must. be. there. For my sanity and strength. He. Must. Be. There.
But I know... this will not be up to us... it will be up to this baby. If this baby comes on time or a bit late, Mike will definitely be there. If this baby is early.. well... he probably won't. I can't dwell on it. What will be will be and how it will be will be perfect as long as this baby comes out healthy. That needs to be my main focus.
Next weekend is my baby shower. I'm super excited and a little nervous (man, it's rough being the center of attention.. seriously). I expect this having a baby thing to feel all the more real after I am showered with all the baby gear I could ever possibly dream of having. As of tomorrow I will be 33 weeks pregnant.. which is only 4 weeks from 37 weeks.. which is the date when they say the baby is technically considered "full term"!
crazy!
There's so many things to look forward to in the next 2 months. I can only imagine that time will FLY BY and next thing I know I will be posting pics of my adorable baby boy.
:)
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