Breathe Deeply

Last night I received some news that caused me to take a deep breath. It wasn't a shock to hear that instead of signing my husband's MOS change request and passing it on to Headquarters Marine Corps, the MAG is holding onto it for the next year so that they can fill a BTT billet with none other than my husband. If it sounds like I'm speaking Greek to you, all you need to know is that it was affirmed yesterday that my husband will be leaving for a seven month deployment to Iraq in September. He will be doing a BTT tour which stands for Border Transition Team in which he will be on the ground training Iraqi soldiers to guard their own borders.

Deep Breath.

As I already mentioned above, this assignment wasn't the least bit unexpected. I had been mentally preparing myself for this news since the unofficial word came to my husband about this deployment two months ago. This is why, when my husband told me on the phone on his way home from work that it was official, I didn't burst into tears. I didn't scream. I didn't get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. I simply said... "oh"... and then I immediately dialed my mom's cell phone and told her. Her response was, "Well....is that good news or bad news?".... to which I responded, "I don't know. That's what I was hoping you would tell me."

You might ask, how could a 7 month deployment to guard the borders of Iraq possibly be considered a "good" thing?

Deep Breath.

It's just that in weighing the alternatives, Hubby and I decided that a deployment in September wouldn't be the worst thing that could happen to us. First of all, it would guarantee us another year in San Diego (and considering the fact that we are homeowners and the housing market has bottomed out, another year in San Diego would really be beneficial for us). Secondly, the fact of the matter is that we just make more money when Hubby is in Iraq. And, considering that we want to start putting ourselves in a position where I can quit my job and we can start having kids, we need to start paying off some of our larger bills. Everyone who has been through one knows there's nothing better than a deployment to help you pay off some debt!

Gulp.

Then the nagging part of my mind starts to butt in on my thoughts. There's a very real part of me that knows that the deployment my husband was on last time was paradise compared to what he will be dealing with on the ground.. on the border.. training Iraqi troops. They didn't call Al Asad (where he was stationed) Camp Cupcake for nothing. When George Bush went to Iraq, he went to Al Asad. Why? Because Al Asad is the safest place in Iraq. When Mike was in Iraq last time, the day to day burdens of living without a husband and his trials as a pilot were my biggest worries. I never spent more than a few minutes dwelling on the idea that he might not be safe. This time, things will be different.

Deep Breath.

But, if there's one thing I am good at, it is taking what comes as it comes. This is why, after hearing the news that my husband will be officially embarking on a not so luxurious deployment in September, all I have done is taken a couple deep breaths, and continually reminded myself that when I look back on myself 3 years ago, 2 years ago, even 1 year ago I have to smile. I am no longer the person that I was then. It just goes to show you how true it is... what doesn't kill you truly makes you stronger.

I am stronger because of what I have been through. I remember when my husband was in flight school, living in Florida and not even being able to FATHOM the idea of my husband deploying to Iraq. And, here I am... two and a half years later.. and I'm not only fathoming the idea of my husband's 2nd deployment... I'm standing up and saying, "Bring It On!"

Ok. so maybe it's more like Bring it On!
But, you have to admit.. that's better than nothing!

:)

SICK

For the past four days I have been sick with a capital "S"! If I think about it, it's actually pretty ironic that I got the flu. It's been YEARS since I have been sick with more than just a cold for more than just a day and a half. Seriously. I haven't been sick in a very long time. This is why it's pretty curious to me that I caught this terrible flu only a few days after proclaiming (or was it bragging?) to my fellow teachers in the lunchroom that my husband always gets the flu shot and I NEVER get the flu shot, and He ALWAYS gets sicks and I never do. Well, here ends my no flu streak, and I officially eat my non-flu shot getting words.

I would write more, but I'm still getting over this nasty flu and must lie down to take a rest.

:(

a coffee table and the waltz

This has been another stressful week. But, that's old news. Let me tell you about my evening last night. First, my husband picked up our brand new coffee table. Why did we get a brand new coffee table you might ask? Well, the answer is simple. We got a new coffee table because our old one was shattered one night when my husband took a spill right on top of it. You see, I was sitting on the couch.. and my husband was approaching me.. I gave him a push (or was it a kick?) and back he tumbled... right on top of the glass coffee table. The legs gave out... and the glass shattered to tiny bits. My husband was fine though.. just surprised, I'd imagine.

Now before you go thinking that I have some kind of super human strength, I have to tell you that I really didn't even push him very hard. He just lost his balance. (Even he will admit to that part of the story) And thus, we now have a brand new coffee table.

The second part of my evening last night involved learning and then coreographing a WALTZ with my husband. It's a good thing that he knows how to dance; because, I sure don't! This quarter's Fine Arts Performance calls for a waltz, and if it wasn't for my husband, I would be hopelessly ignorant about how to teach my students to waltz. It's actually pretty easy, when you learn it (I learned the most simple version, I'm sure). But, it was kind of fun waltzing around the living room with my husband last night.

I wouldn't mind taking some dance lessons with him now that I think about it. I think we'd be pretty good! :)

I hate titling my blogs :)

I guess it's a good thing that my life is so uneventful lately that I have nothing much to write about. I mean, I am crazy busy at work. In fact, I'm so far behind in my grading that I have stopped bringing it home with me in the evenings; because, I know I'm not going to do it, so why kid myself? There's not enough hours in the day, not enough days in the weekend. But, I don't like to write about work.. I'm not sure why. I usually call my mom on my way home, vent all of my frustrations.. and then leave work somewhere on the highway between work and home. I don't really like to bring it home with me.

My husband has been easy breezy and carefree lately, though. In fact, he gets home before me every day now. He provides dinner. Cleans up after me. Takes care of pretty much everything. It's pretty nice. A girl could get used to this. He is probably going to deploy in September. Did I mention that? (probably only about 20 times, right?) Somehow, having gone through one deployment, future deployments seem both more do-able and absolutely terrifying at the same time. Doesn't make sense, I know.

So, the question on my mind right now is will my life be easier or harder if I am still working at SMA in September when Michael (most likely) deploys? I run the pros and cons over in my head regularly.. so maybe I'll write them out here.

Pros:
1) I am comfortable there
2) I won't be learning a new routine/ how to get along with new people, etc
3) I will already have broken the students and parents in and won't have to "prove" myself to anyone

Cons:
1) It's far away and when there are late night meetings, etc. the dogs will spend many hours by themselves without going outside
2) I will be free of the current administration which is trying on my patience.

......

that's about all I have.
I wonder if ever in my life I will be SURE about my career. It's such an opposite to how I am in my personal life. I am so certain about Mike and me. I am so easy to accept the military moves. Yet, with my job, I am always second guessing myself. Am I where I should be? Should I search for greener pastures or do I have the best I am going to get here? Am I even CUT OUT to be a teacher for the rest of my life?

I saw a 53 flying over the highway today when I was driving home and had a pang of wistfulness for the past. I started thinking about how much Michael loved flying and how hard he worked to be a pilot. Then, I started thinking about how happy he is now. He has not a concern in the world. He doesn't look back on his past with regret. And, then I thought that I would probably be the same way if I ever had to leave teaching. I love teaching..... when I'm THERE in the moment. But, when I step away from it, I know that is not what brings me true happiness in my life. I keep telling Mike he needs to hurry up and make enough money for me to quit my job and have babies. haha. No, but seriously. :)