I guess it's a good thing that my life is so uneventful lately that I have nothing much to write about. I mean, I am crazy busy at work. In fact, I'm so far behind in my grading that I have stopped bringing it home with me in the evenings; because, I know I'm not going to do it, so why kid myself? There's not enough hours in the day, not enough days in the weekend. But, I don't like to write about work.. I'm not sure why. I usually call my mom on my way home, vent all of my frustrations.. and then leave work somewhere on the highway between work and home. I don't really like to bring it home with me.
My husband has been easy breezy and carefree lately, though. In fact, he gets home before me every day now. He provides dinner. Cleans up after me. Takes care of pretty much everything. It's pretty nice. A girl could get used to this. He is probably going to deploy in September. Did I mention that? (probably only about 20 times, right?) Somehow, having gone through one deployment, future deployments seem both more do-able and absolutely terrifying at the same time. Doesn't make sense, I know.
So, the question on my mind right now is will my life be easier or harder if I am still working at SMA in September when Michael (most likely) deploys? I run the pros and cons over in my head regularly.. so maybe I'll write them out here.
Pros:
1) I am comfortable there
2) I won't be learning a new routine/ how to get along with new people, etc
3) I will already have broken the students and parents in and won't have to "prove" myself to anyone
Cons:
1) It's far away and when there are late night meetings, etc. the dogs will spend many hours by themselves without going outside
2) I will be free of the current administration which is trying on my patience.
......
that's about all I have.
I wonder if ever in my life I will be SURE about my career. It's such an opposite to how I am in my personal life. I am so certain about Mike and me. I am so easy to accept the military moves. Yet, with my job, I am always second guessing myself. Am I where I should be? Should I search for greener pastures or do I have the best I am going to get here? Am I even CUT OUT to be a teacher for the rest of my life?
I saw a 53 flying over the highway today when I was driving home and had a pang of wistfulness for the past. I started thinking about how much Michael loved flying and how hard he worked to be a pilot. Then, I started thinking about how happy he is now. He has not a concern in the world. He doesn't look back on his past with regret. And, then I thought that I would probably be the same way if I ever had to leave teaching. I love teaching..... when I'm THERE in the moment. But, when I step away from it, I know that is not what brings me true happiness in my life. I keep telling Mike he needs to hurry up and make enough money for me to quit my job and have babies. haha. No, but seriously. :)
No comments:
Post a Comment