things and books

*Disclaimer: something weird is going on with my blog today and it won't allow me to use italics to properly indicate book titles. So, please don't judge me for the errors with book titles that you find below. Thank you and have a nice day.



To be perfectly honest with you, it's actually a bit frightening how easily I have slipped into the alone life again. Apparently I'm, like, a pro at it or something. After the initial shock of saying goodbye and all, I've been perfectly fine. I haven't even been concerned about crazy people stalking around the outside of my house in the nighttime hours. My dogs aren't even doing odd things like eating our couch. And, I haven't even had a teeny bit of insomnia.

I think I might be totally used to this. Weird.


In other recent news, I found out I won my sister's contest and will be handed a $50.00 Borders (or is it Barnes and Noble? oops!) giftcard when I see her over Easter. Truth be told, I feel really bad that I won it since I am her sister and all, but I know I won it fair and square and might possibly be her most loyal reader (since I check her blog repeatedly on some days in the hopes that she added something new since I last checked 10 minutes ago...) and.. where was I going with this? Oh, I wanted to tell you about how I am literally salivating over the idea of how to spend my newly acquired book money.

Speaking of books, lately my reading list has been 100% recommended by my students. I tend to trust them since they were, afterall, the ones who got me into Twilight. Recently, a few of them claimed that The Chronicles of Vladimir Tod series is better than Twilight. Well, that was a mighty bold claim indeed so I absolutely had to check that out immediately. I finished the first book, and, fellow Twihards, have no fear. Vladimir Tod has nothing on Edward and Bella. Though I have agreed to read the next few books before I pass total judgment since the students say the books only continue to get better and better. I shall see.

Other students swear by the Percy Jackson books and claim that they are better than Twilight, too. I highly doubt it, but I'll have to check those out when I'm finished with Vlad. I notice that the Percy Jackson series is one that is most frequented by 6th grade boys, so I have my doubts about its greatness. (Hmm.. that sounded wrong. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against the reading taste of 6th grade boys, I'm just saying that we don't tend to have similar interests so I can't imagine we would fall in love with the same books.. but hey, you never know!)

Another student has been begging me to read the book The Shadow Club for weeks now. I brought it home with me today and am feeling torn between getting going on it and finishing the second book in the Vladimir Tod series.

All in all, I have to say that I honestly believe that the kids today (at least the kids at my school) are reading tons more than my friends and I ever did. And I actually read. A Lot. Or, what was a lot by the standards of kids back when I was one. I honestly attribute this to the amazing selection of novels for young adults these days.

Pretty cool.

Pity Party = Cancelled

Against all odds, I actually managed to survive my first day without Michael. It's practically a miracle.

It helped a bit that instead of waking up to my alarm, I woke up to a phone call from him. He's getting good. He used to call during all weird hours of the night with no regard to my schedule. This time he actually planned it out to call me right before my alarm went off. It was quite a lovely wake-up call.

In any case, I just signed on to say that I am officially cancelling my pity party. Despite the wretchedness of yesterday, I figured it wouldn't take me long to stop moping around about it. All it really took was a few moments at work. I'm telling you, it's literally impossible to dwell on personal matters while attempting to be in control of a room of angsty teenagers.

It's time to start thinking positive.

Here goes nothing...
1 day down, just 364 to go!

D-Day

8:30 am, Monday, March 22

So D-Day has arrived. Deployment Day, that is.

Michael's alarm is set to go off at 9:00 am and at that time we have a full list of errands to run before meeting on base this evening for his late night departure to Afghanistan.

Currently, I am enjoying a few moments of peace with my computer... something I do every morning before Michael wakes up. I figure, a last few moments of normalcy before my life gets flipped upside down is a good thing.

To be quite honest, though, I haven't managed to achieve real normalcy for about a week now because my damn stomach is just filled with knots that won't go away no matter how cool, calm, and collected I appear on the outside.

I've been on the verge of tears for the past few days. I cracked for a moment this morning when my mother-in-law left a kind voicemail on my phone. Actually, I am pretty nearly sure that all that would be required to unleash my waterworks would be a hug, a light squeeze, or possibly even a kind smile. Luckily, the only person here to give me any of those things is Michael, and for some reason I'm carrying around this crazy notion that I must stay strong for him. In actuality, he might appreciate a few tears to let him know, really know how much he will be missed.. but I am just not sure I can accommodate him in that way. So maybe the strong thing isn't really for him... maybe it's for me. Who knows.

In any case, we had a good weekend. During "Hurricane Pack For Deployment" (that is another blog post for another day), Michael dug up a tape recording we had made one college evening. We had gone out to a club with friends and came back and talked about the night on the tape. It is absolutely hilarious. It was a fun way to spend our last night together... reminiscing about the past and reflecting on the present. So much has changed yet so much has stayed the same.

I imagine that a year from now when Michael returns that same statement will be true. We will both undoubtedly grow and change over the next year. But we will still be the same Michael and Sarah... in love and ready to face our next adventure together.



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8:40 pm, Monday, March 22

Ugh.
Today was undoubtedly the longest and saddest day of my life to date. I don't know why, but this deployment my emotions are running rampant. I stated above that I was going to stay strong and not cry in front of Michael.... well, that lasted all of 5 minutes.

I pretty much cried all day. Randomly. Between bursts of laughter and regular conversation I would suddenly find myself dripping wet stuff from my eyes. I wasn't sobbing or anything of the sort. It was more like a constant flow of water from my eyes, as though I had a leaky pipe.

And now he's gone.
Ugh.

My mom told me to pull over if I had to cry on my way home from dropping him off on base, but the truth of the matter is that I would never have made it home had I listened to her advice. I'm pretty sure I ran through all the stages of grief on the 20 minute ride home . I even yelled angrily at the world for a moment. I felt better afterward.

The 3 things that were the most difficult for me today were:
1) When Michael said goodbye to the dogs
2) When the bus finally pulled away
3) When I pulled into the garage and walked into the house

Actually, I'm pretty sure I traumatized my border collie. I was crying so hard when I walked in the house that he came and sat on my lap.... and he shook and shook and shook. He shook so bad I decided it was time to stop feeling sorry for myself or he was going to be emotionally disturbed for life. I tried to put on a happy face, but apparently I didn't fool him because just a few minutes later I found him curled into a ball underneath our bed.. that's his hiding place and it's not easy for him to get in there so he must've really wanted to get away from me. Poor guy.

So that was my day. It f-ing blew. But tomorrow I will wake up and it will be a new day. I look forward to tomorrow.

Tick Tock, Tick Tock, Tick Tock

For the 2nd time this week, I compared the countdown to deployment to the countdown of a death row inmate. I was telling Michael to plan his meals carefully since they will be his last... we laughed about it. Then, he commiserated with the death row inmate saying he knows why they're so calm when they take those final steps to their death; they have been waiting around so long with this death thing over their heads they just want to get on with it already. It's the same for deployment. It was one of our more interesting (odd?) conversations, I'll give you that.

As much as we are pros at this whole thing, clearly this process never gets easy. I'm at the point now that I want him to stay, but at the same time just want to get this whole saying goodbye thing over with already because the anticipation of it is absolutely dreadful.

When I feel myself drowning in a cloud of depression I catch myself and drag myself back out. Yes, this year will be lonely. Yes, life without Michael is no fun whatsoever. Yes, it exhausts me just thinking of keeping up with the house, yard, pool, bills, trash, dogs, and cars alone. But, yes, I can do it. I am mighty woman. Hear me roar!

Or something like that.

I went through a little phase last weekend where I was an emotional wreck. I had a not-so-great evening with Michael and friends and the next day I had my first ever awful parent-teacher conference. Awful, as in, I got yelled at by a mother and was too rattled by the experience to defend myself properly. Luckily, my principal was there and stepped in on my behalf. Afterwards, I felt terrible for all the complaining I have done about my principal. She sure saved my butt that day. In any case, all that drama in such a short period of time added to the fact that the clock is ticking on Michael's departure, and I was a bit of an emotional train wreck. I actually cried in front of some of my co-workers which is a first and hopefully a last for me. I. Do. Not. Like. Crying. In. Front. Of. People. Especially not people I work with!

My next post will more than likely be some sort of picture of Michael with all of his gear heading off to Afghanistan. If you are the praying sort of person, do me a favor and keep us (but mostly him) in your prayers. Pray for his quick and safe return. And if you have an extra moment pray for my sanity, too.

Thanks, I do appreciate it.

My Deployment Necklace

This necklace is special. Not just because every time I wear it in public I am stopped regularly (by the check out lady at the grocery store, by the person selling make-up at the mall, by just about everyone you can possibly imagine) to tell me how much they like it. Which they do. Like it. No, actually, I take that back. They love it. Everybody loves it.

I do, too.

But this necklace means more to me than just a pretty accessory that draws a lot of attention and goes with everything.

This necklace was made as per my specifications and request, and I wore it every single day during Michael's last deployment. If your eyesight isn't so great these days, I'll save you the trouble of squinting and tell you that the necklace has on it my military wife motto: love makes the ride worthwhile.

Perfect. True. Awesome.

During Mike's first deployment to Iraq he went as a pilot, and because pilots can't wear rings while flying (there's a silly hazard of losing fingers or something like that) I wore his wedding ring on a chain around my neck for the duration. It was important to me to keep a constant reminder of him with me during the deployment.

When he decided to wear his ring for his 2nd deployment (being that he wasn't flying and all), I had to think fast, which is when I went HERE and ordered that amazing necklace you see pictured above.

Shortly after Michael returned from Deployment #2 the chain broke and the necklace has taken residence in my jewelry box ever since. With Deployment #3 looming in my very near future (don't remind me!), I figure it's about time I resurrect my special deployment necklace, dust it off (or, actually, it needs a good polishing), and send it back HERE to have the chain fixed so it will be ready to be donned proudly around my neck for the next year.

I honestly think it doesn't get any more perfect than this necklace. It states my feelings perfectly and succinctly. I mean, I don't want to lose my husband for huge chunks of time as he works in war-torn countries, and I certainly don't love it. But I can handle it. I might even have to go as far as to say it's worth it.... because I just love him so darn much!

Exhibits A, B, & C

Our husky surveying his new yard...


Who wants to play?

Not the best picture, what with the sunspot and all, but you get the idea. The dogs = love the new grass.

Btw, if you have never seen my husky before and upon looking at these pictures didn't immediately think to yourself, "that dog is skinny!" that means the new dog food is well worth the $$ because he's chunking up!

Btw again.. next project? Stain the fence. Mom are you and dad up for helping me with that this summer?

Synthetic Turf a.k.a. Fake Grass

If you live on the East Coast and don't own any dogs you are probably going to think that what I am about to tell you is crazy. It's okay. I thought it was crazy, too. At first.

Michael and I are forking over a very sizeable chunk of change for synthetic turf in our backyard. Actually, the really crazy thing is that 90% of our backyard is either concrete patio or pool. Only a small fraction of one side of our yard is grass... or should I say dirt. So, we are forking over a very sizeable chunk of change for a very small portion of our backyard to be turned into sythentic turf. And I couldn't be more excited about it.

You see, keeping grass growing in the backyard has been nothing short of impossible. Only months after we moved in, our border collie dug up the lovely underground sprinkler system we had going back there. Sprinkler system? you East Coasters are probably wondering. Yes. Sprinkler system. If you live in San Diego you absolutely must have a sprinkler system... if you want to have grass that is.

Even so, we thought we'd manage without it. We did it the old-fashioned way at first... you know... we used a sprinkler that actually connected to a hose and that we had to turn on and off ourselves. But we weren't so great about remembering to turn it on. That coupled with the fact that our dogs are maniacs and run around like crazy and our lovely grass area turned to mud.

Mike re-sodded the area exactly twice. And it turned back to mud exactly twice, mostly when he was on deployment, and I wasn't doing such a spot-on job of keeping up with the yard on my own.

Mike swore that he would not waste another weekend of his life re-sodding our backyard.

I swore that I would not stand for another rainy day with the dogs tracking muddy footprints into the house, nor could I bear to look out at our utterly disgusting muddy pit we had once called grass.

It was quite a predicament indeed.

I set my sights on synthetic turf months ago. In my mind, I figured it would cost about half of what it actually ended up costing. But, really? After I got over the shock of the exorbitant cost for a few square feet of fake grass I realized that it is what I want. More than anything else, I just want to have grass in my backyard. I don't even care if it's fake.

The great things about synthetic turf are: 1. DUH. You don't have to mow it. Ever. Again. A huge plus for people like us who don't enjoy the idea of an afternoon working in the yard. 2. They claim that dogs can't dig it up. They actually have a warranty that covers it incase dogs have super dog digging strength and manage to put a hole in it. Therefore, NO unsightly holes in the backyard. How many dog owners can say that? 3. Did I mention you don't have to mow it? Or pull weeds? Or weedwhack. yes. It is awesome. I cannot wait.

Also? My lovely community offers special rebates for putting in synthetic turf. You see, San Diego County is in this awful water shortage situation and they are really promoting what they deem to be environmentally friendly synthetic turf. Yay!

So there you have it. I'll have to post a picture when it's all finished so you can see how it turns out.

Good Week

A couple of cool things have happened since I last wrote:

First of all, every year students from schools all over San Diego County take placement tests to get into the 4 Catholic High Schools in the area. These high schools then give out scholarships to the students who have received the highest test scores. Well, this past Monday I found out that 2 of the top 5 scores for one of the high schools came from my teeny tiny 17 person 8th grade class! That news is incredible. I am still in slight shock over it. The craziest part is one of the people who scored in the top 5 was this girl who didn't start speaking English on a regular basis until she was in 6th grade, still never speaks to her parents in English, and reported to me just this Friday that though she is an avid reader now, she never cracked open a book for her own enjoyment until she came to this school in 6th grade. In any case, I was a little bit grumpy this past Monday morning, but that didn't last long after I heard the news. All I can think about right now is an annoying cheer that our school does at assemblies instead of clapping..."Good Job! Good Job! G-double-0-d-j-o-b! Good Job! Good Job!" :)

Also, I have a new friend. Yay! The new teacher and I went out to happy hour after work which is officially a first for me. Considering that the other teachers at the school are all at least 10 years older than me, it is good to have someone to call friend. Finally.

All in all, I would have to say that this was a good week.