Today Sawyer and I braved the 45 minute trek to my former place of employment. I was almost a nervous wreck about this whole excursion because we went for The Stations of the Cross that was put on by the 8th graders and there was a certain time we had to be there and certain people who were coming just to see Sawyer. It's hard for me to do things within certain time contraints now that I have a 4 month old around whose schedule I generally try to plan my life.
I needn't have worried, though.
True, last night Sawyer woke up constantly and therefore we both slept in until 9:15 am throwing his normal feeding and napping schedule out the window (the one I had been banking on to get through this day successfully). [My fault, really, the lack of sleep last night thing. He's been sleeping in a pack and play in our room at night and in a bit of a manic moment yesterday I decided that the "bassinnet" part was going to crash to the ground in the middle of the night and give him a massive head injury or something equally as bad. So I took the bassinnet part out and he's sleeping on the very low to the ground part. I think the change of scenery threw him off quite a bit. It was a rough night and we haven't had one of those in who knows how long.]
Basically, thanks to an abnormally wakeful night last night, Sawyer ate earlier than I had planned and did NOT take a nap before we hit the road. I knew that a nap in the car, in the church, or surrounded by new faces was pretty much a FAT chance so was slightly panicked as I threw everything into the car in a desperate attempt to at least get us there on time.
Sawyer was a dream, though. If I had to guesstimate how many strange people invaded his personal space with big goofy smiles and baby talk I'd be in the range of 50, easy. He took it all in like a champ, though. He loved being in the church and looking around. Every time a new person would walk by or a new sound came from a different direction, he would whip his head around to see where it came from. He looked with curious eyes upon every new face and listened intently to every new voice. He is seriously amazing.
I've been thinking lately that Sawyer is my perfect baby. Because he so enjoys new faces and new scenery, it helps me to be a bit less of a homebody and get my little man out exploring this world. He proves to me time and time again that he is a wonderful companion for adventures, and I believe God is challenging me by giving me a baby with this personality. If my baby was a disaster out in public, I would have no problem sitting around at home and enjoying a quiet little life. I know, though, that my baby demands more stimulation, and thus I am forced to oblige. Generally nervous with new situations, Sawyer helps me to step out of my comfort zone with him. I love that.
When I was there, one of the teachers asked me how I felt being back. I said I felt natural, like I'm meant to be there. true. true. true. I don't miss the stress, but I miss those kids. I feel so at home with them. I am sad not to have them as a major presence in my life, anymore. But, I am so pleased to be able to give so much of myself to my own little baby.
In the end, even though Sawyer was well overdue for a nap, and slightly overdue for a feeding by the time we left, he realy enjoyed each and every new face and was very interested. He didn't make a single fuss. No one who saw me believed that he was, in fact, exhausted. I told the last person I spoke with that Sawyer was ready for a nap, and she responded, "with those big wide eyes he's not going to nap anytime soon". I just smiled kindly. Sure enough, not 5 minutes later, tucked safely away in his carseat and headed back home, he was out.
I love my little guy.
Friday, April 22, 2011
Friday, April 15, 2011
Baby and Dogs
Every time I see a picture like the one above I feel a bit wistful. This is not my dog or my baby. Unfortunately, we have discovered our dogs are not very kid friendly. This might have something to do with the fact that they lived the first 5 and 6 years of their lives without any regular contact with little people. This could be because both of our dogs are incredibly neurotic. Possibly it's poor training on our part. Whatever the reason, I would be shocked if I were ever to find either of my dogs in such a pose with our baby boy, and I don't think I'd be too comfortable with it either.
I'm kind of surprised that my 5-year-old nephew is still clinging onto his love for dogs after all that he has been through with mine. While the dogs and I were on the East Coast for a few months this spring/winter they had a lot of time to bond with Lucas and it was pretty much a disaster. Lucas wanted nothing more than to cuddle with our normally very friendly border collie, but he wanted nothing to do with Lucas. Unless Lucas was throwing the ball to him, or running around the house in which case Ramsey enjoyed nothing more than chasing Lucas and giving him a few nips to the heels as if Lucas were a sheep.
fail.
Lucas and our husky got along okay at first. Copper even let Lucas rest his head on him a few times, and I thought to myself... maybe I do have one of those dogs from the pictures. Maybe it's possible? That is... until Lucas tried to cuddle or play with Copper when he wasn't in the mood. This resulted in either a growl or a snap. It happened more than once, I'm sad to say, and in the end despite the fact that Lucas absolutely adores both dogs and proclaims them to be HIS dogs and HIS cousins, we had to separate them. I certainly do not want to be responsible for Lucas getting hurt by one of my dogs which seemed to be the direction we were heading.
Then my baby was born and I knew from the instant he arrived that we were going to have to be very cautious with having the dogs around him. Under no circumstances should dogs and baby be left alone together. Dogs need to learn to respect baby and baby's space. I was nervous and hyper aware that these dogs, despite having failed miserably at interacting with my nephew in an acceptable manner, were going to have to figure out how to be around my son.
On his second day at the house after leaving the hospital, we had just given Sawyer a bath. My mom, Michael, and I were all standing around Sawyer as he lay on the bed.... and Copper walked up very nonchalantly, opened his mouth, and lightly placed it around Sawyer's arm. Michael and I both reacted immediately, and I'm pretty sure that Copper got the idea that Sawyer was off limits. It scared the crap out of us, though. If we had any lingering questions about whether we should trust our dogs with Sawyer, I believe they were answered then.
After that, Copper treated Sawyer like he had the plague. If you walked into a room holding Sawyer, Copper walked out. I didn't want Copper to be afraid of being around Sawyer, but I did appreciate the fact that he was giving him some space.
Recently, Copper has begun to pay some attention to Sawyer. At least once every single day, Copper will walk up to Sawyer, give him some sniffs, and a little lick. Mike thinks it's a great sign. I'm undecided. Sometimes I let Copper do it, sometimes I tell him no. I want Copper to know that I'm in control of the situation, not him.
The other day, Sawyer was having a rough time after getting a few of his vaccines. I was sitting with him on the bed in my room and he was crying. Copper, who was lying on the bed when we went into the room, moved to the end of the bed and positioned himself away from us. Eventually, as Sawyer continued to fuss, Copper turned and looked. Sawyer stopped fussing and focused on watching Copper. As they looked at each other, Copper scooted his body closer. and closer. and closer. Until he was lying right next to us on the bed. He gave Sawyer a little lick and then jumped off the bed and left the room.
It was cute, and it gave me some small hope that maybe Copper is learning and understanding that Sawyer is precious to me and should be treated with care. And maybe, just maybe when Copper is old and tired and Sawyer is a little boy they will be the best of friends.
Do I dare hope?
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Attention Deficit Disorder
Now that the Federal Government finally got their crap together and passed a budget, our orders to South Carolina might actually go through which means we're looking at a move across the country in... less than 2 months.
yikes.
I am not sure why, but my sense of urgency about preparing for this move is just not quite there. I mean, I have a to-do list that is quite lengthy written on the marker board on our fridge... we just haven't managed to check off any of those boxes just yet.
This could have a bit to do with the fact that my life has been consumed momentarily with the eradication of these rats that decided to take up residence in our attic. UGH. I don't even really want to go there, just know that said rats caused me to become momentarily insane last weekend when I was left alone with them and my baby. Google is not your friend in these sorts of situations. Neither, I learned, is my aunt who decided to tell me that when she was in college a rat dug through her kitchen floor......... hello, worst nightmare!
(which kind of makes me want to veer from the subject for the moment and vent about how there is always someone who manages to say the absolute worst thing in sensitive situations... the above rat comment being a phenomenal example. Another example from my own personal experience went something like this: Oh, your mom doesn't wear a wig? (while going through chemo for breast cancer) I had a friend with breast cancer who didn't wear wigs and there was something so beautiful about her bald head. She's dead now." yooowza. thanks for that uplifting story!!)
[back to the rats]
The "professionals" are taking care of it, though... and they're doing a crap-tastic job of it in my humble opinion. Better them than me, though. And that's really all I have to say about that.
After reading this post do you now have a slight understanding why it takes me so long to clean my house? It goes something like this:
*putting away dishes
*looks to the right and sees a napkin that needs to be thrown away
*walks over and picks up napkin
*trips over shoe
*picks up shoe and heads to the bedroom, napkin still in hand
*notices that the mail arrived
*heads outside to get mail, shoe and napkin still in hand
*walks back inside and walks in a circle trying to decide what to do first? shoe? napkin? mail?
I am very easily distracted.
The End.
yikes.
I am not sure why, but my sense of urgency about preparing for this move is just not quite there. I mean, I have a to-do list that is quite lengthy written on the marker board on our fridge... we just haven't managed to check off any of those boxes just yet.
This could have a bit to do with the fact that my life has been consumed momentarily with the eradication of these rats that decided to take up residence in our attic. UGH. I don't even really want to go there, just know that said rats caused me to become momentarily insane last weekend when I was left alone with them and my baby. Google is not your friend in these sorts of situations. Neither, I learned, is my aunt who decided to tell me that when she was in college a rat dug through her kitchen floor......... hello, worst nightmare!
(which kind of makes me want to veer from the subject for the moment and vent about how there is always someone who manages to say the absolute worst thing in sensitive situations... the above rat comment being a phenomenal example. Another example from my own personal experience went something like this: Oh, your mom doesn't wear a wig? (while going through chemo for breast cancer) I had a friend with breast cancer who didn't wear wigs and there was something so beautiful about her bald head. She's dead now." yooowza. thanks for that uplifting story!!)
[back to the rats]
The "professionals" are taking care of it, though... and they're doing a crap-tastic job of it in my humble opinion. Better them than me, though. And that's really all I have to say about that.
After reading this post do you now have a slight understanding why it takes me so long to clean my house? It goes something like this:
*putting away dishes
*looks to the right and sees a napkin that needs to be thrown away
*walks over and picks up napkin
*trips over shoe
*picks up shoe and heads to the bedroom, napkin still in hand
*notices that the mail arrived
*heads outside to get mail, shoe and napkin still in hand
*walks back inside and walks in a circle trying to decide what to do first? shoe? napkin? mail?
I am very easily distracted.
The End.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
stuff and things
In this blog post I will be covering the following ideas which may or may not be related:
I'm spending Thursday - Sunday alone with Sawyer while Mike is on the East Coast being a groomsman in his cousin's wedding.
Both Mike and I have recently been spending a lot of time weighing the pros and cons of staying in the marine corps vs. getting out
We have rats in our attic
Yes. spending alone time with Sawyer. Nervous about the prospect of 4 days without Mike as back-up. Super sad that Mike is seeing the family but I and (most importantly) Sawyer are not. This was my decision. Just the thought of this trip overwhelmed me beyond belief. That plus the exorbitant cost of flying us across the country helped me to decide that Sawyer and I should stay behind. I don't really regret my decision, but I am very, very, VERY sad that Sawyer will be at least 6 months old before anyone in our family gets to see him again. They are missing out, let me tell you.
Mike. Possibly getting out of the USMC (in 2 years after we do our next tour in Parris Island, South Carolina). Of course, the most practical decision is for Mike to stay in. Incredible health insurance. check. Amazing retirement. check. Steady paycheck. CHECK.
However, there's this whole thing about all of these wars and marines going to them and bla bla bla. I mean, we have a kid involved in this whole thing now and will most likely have another one sometime in the somewhat near future... Four days without Michael is throwing me through a freaking loop... what will I do without him for months and months on end while he deploys? Not to mention that, you know, these kids kind of need a Daddy in their lives so I'd prefer not to be sending him off to do dangerous things. Ya know what I'm saying? Yep. Also? If we're not part of the usmc world we can live near our family and all that good stuff. Lots to think about.
rats. di-freaking-sgusting. As I was pulling into my garage the other night, my headlights zoned in on a giant rat scaling the top of our garage wall and disappearing into a hole that could only lead to our attic. Since then we've been hearing a lot of noise above us. We called the exterminators and they're taking care of the situation. They came yesterday and set up some traps... said we'd be hearing them going off... I've only heard one and am now thinking that I just spent a butt load of money to have the professionals come in and kill one rat. I wouldn't be too terribly heartbroken over the loss of money if that were the case. It would be my kind of luck, though.
All in all, I'm deathly afraid of said rats and will not step foot inside of my garage until I have assurance that they (he, she, it?) are gone. I can't believe I'm in this house alone while rats are dying above me. (see how this is coming together?)
On another note, my alone time with Sawyer is going pretty well so far. We took a 3 hour nap together this morning, and he's currently nestled in his crib working on his third nap of the day. Also, when I asked him what he wanted to do with his alone time with mommy, he gave me the biggest, brightest smile and I thought I would die from the cuteness.
that is all.
I'm spending Thursday - Sunday alone with Sawyer while Mike is on the East Coast being a groomsman in his cousin's wedding.
Both Mike and I have recently been spending a lot of time weighing the pros and cons of staying in the marine corps vs. getting out
We have rats in our attic
Yes. spending alone time with Sawyer. Nervous about the prospect of 4 days without Mike as back-up. Super sad that Mike is seeing the family but I and (most importantly) Sawyer are not. This was my decision. Just the thought of this trip overwhelmed me beyond belief. That plus the exorbitant cost of flying us across the country helped me to decide that Sawyer and I should stay behind. I don't really regret my decision, but I am very, very, VERY sad that Sawyer will be at least 6 months old before anyone in our family gets to see him again. They are missing out, let me tell you.
Mike. Possibly getting out of the USMC (in 2 years after we do our next tour in Parris Island, South Carolina). Of course, the most practical decision is for Mike to stay in. Incredible health insurance. check. Amazing retirement. check. Steady paycheck. CHECK.
However, there's this whole thing about all of these wars and marines going to them and bla bla bla. I mean, we have a kid involved in this whole thing now and will most likely have another one sometime in the somewhat near future... Four days without Michael is throwing me through a freaking loop... what will I do without him for months and months on end while he deploys? Not to mention that, you know, these kids kind of need a Daddy in their lives so I'd prefer not to be sending him off to do dangerous things. Ya know what I'm saying? Yep. Also? If we're not part of the usmc world we can live near our family and all that good stuff. Lots to think about.
rats. di-freaking-sgusting. As I was pulling into my garage the other night, my headlights zoned in on a giant rat scaling the top of our garage wall and disappearing into a hole that could only lead to our attic. Since then we've been hearing a lot of noise above us. We called the exterminators and they're taking care of the situation. They came yesterday and set up some traps... said we'd be hearing them going off... I've only heard one and am now thinking that I just spent a butt load of money to have the professionals come in and kill one rat. I wouldn't be too terribly heartbroken over the loss of money if that were the case. It would be my kind of luck, though.
All in all, I'm deathly afraid of said rats and will not step foot inside of my garage until I have assurance that they (he, she, it?) are gone. I can't believe I'm in this house alone while rats are dying above me. (see how this is coming together?)
On another note, my alone time with Sawyer is going pretty well so far. We took a 3 hour nap together this morning, and he's currently nestled in his crib working on his third nap of the day. Also, when I asked him what he wanted to do with his alone time with mommy, he gave me the biggest, brightest smile and I thought I would die from the cuteness.
that is all.
Monday, March 21, 2011
The Many Ways My Life Has Changed Since Becoming a Mommy
1. If my house is messy it's because I just haven't had a chance to clean it up - not because I've been lazy
2. There are days when I do not sit down at my computer one.single.time.
3. Sawyer is always my first thought.
ex. 1: a possible radiation cloud heading towards So Cal? OMG - how can I protect Sawyer? (totally was no big deal, but that doesn't mean I didn't spend at least a few hours freaking out about it).
ex. 2: whoa - my eyes are really bloodshot. What if I have pink eye? What if SAWYER gets PINK EYE?!?!?!
4. Michael often goes grocery shopping and doesn't do a half bad job of it.
5. Dinner time is often delayed until 7 pm or possibly even 8. Usually after Sawyer is slumbering peacefully in his crib. note: pre-parent-Sarah freaked out if she didn't have dinner between the hours of 4 and 5:30 pm. no joke.
6. We haven't been able to keep up with our DVR'd tv shows.
7. The slightest mention of babies/parent love for babies/cute baby things makes me choke up
8. I have great remorse for all of the times I have judged other parents - both silently and out loud. I am truly humbled and realize that this parenthood thing is not easy and we are all just fumbling around clumsily while hoping and praying for the very best.
9. My heart skips a beat every time I hear a baby cry - on tv, at the store....
10. My heart explodes with love and joy every time I look at my baby boy.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
My Toys
This summer while traveling across the country with my dad, I realized that the two of us were probably the last two people on the planet who weren't getting internet and email on our phones. At the time, I was proud of that fact. For Mike's 30th birthday, though, he got the iPhone 4 and passed his iTouch down to me. After I started using the iTouch a bit, I started turning my green-with-envy eyes towards Mike's phone. I, however, did not want to spend a couple hundred dollars on a cell phone. You can imagine my glee when AT&T started advertising the iPhone 3GS for only $49.99. Perfect! I must say, now that I have the iPhone, I really can't imagine living without it. It is especially useful to me now, since I am completely addicted to facebook and email but often don't even have the chance to sit down at my computer one single time during my very busy stay-at-home-mommy-day. The iPhone 3GS has saved me from getting the shakes and having to go into facebook withdrawal rehab. Thank you, iPhone! You are a lifesaver. Literally.
Last but not least, my new computer the HP TouchSmart 300 PC. Though the iPhone helps me manage my facebook and email shakes, there's much I can't do on it. (this BLOG, Sawyer's website, bills...etcetcetcetc). Our home computer served us for approx. 6 years, but died over the summer, came back to life, and died for good last week. Mike and I took to computer shopping, and of course, couldn't pass up such a neat computer. The coolest thing about this computer? The setup = plug in the computer. Literally. Goodbye thousands of confusing cords. Hello simplicity! I love our new computer and highly recommend it to anyone else in the market. It was also very affordable. We got a refurbished one from bestbuy.com and haven't had any trouble with it at all.
I know we should be saving our money for Sawyer's toys, but these three items were pretty much necessities, and I love my new toys!
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Last night Sawyer slept 9 hours without waking. It was quite the event. When he did finally wake up to eat, he didn't want to go right back to sleep as is his usual pattern in the early am. He wanted to celebrate a bit. So I put him on my bed, and he talked to me for a bit. I started to get a little sleepy, so I placed my hand on his chest and closed my eyes for a moment.
When I opened them, his hands were resting on mine and he was staring intently at me. I stared back. While we gazed lovingly into one another's eyes, I thought about how lucky I am to have a precious little guy who brings so much joy to my life.
Not all of my days with him are great. In fact, I often feel like a bumbling idiot and find myself frustrated at my inability to figure out what he wants and needs.
But he loves me despite my shortcomings. He is actually completely fascinated with me. Just as he stared so intently and lovingly at me this morning, so he does the same thing when I am on the phone or talking with Mike. Any time my attention is not completely on him, he takes that opportunity to thorougly examine me. I wonder what he thinks as he gazes with those big inquiring eyes. I hope he realizes that I may not be perfect, but I'm his... that I love him with everything in me, and I will be the best mother I can be for him.
I hope he understands these things. Somehow, I believe that he does.
When I opened them, his hands were resting on mine and he was staring intently at me. I stared back. While we gazed lovingly into one another's eyes, I thought about how lucky I am to have a precious little guy who brings so much joy to my life.
Not all of my days with him are great. In fact, I often feel like a bumbling idiot and find myself frustrated at my inability to figure out what he wants and needs.
But he loves me despite my shortcomings. He is actually completely fascinated with me. Just as he stared so intently and lovingly at me this morning, so he does the same thing when I am on the phone or talking with Mike. Any time my attention is not completely on him, he takes that opportunity to thorougly examine me. I wonder what he thinks as he gazes with those big inquiring eyes. I hope he realizes that I may not be perfect, but I'm his... that I love him with everything in me, and I will be the best mother I can be for him.
I hope he understands these things. Somehow, I believe that he does.
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