Motherhood

It's hard to write these days. How do I even begin to accurately put my feelings into words? I don't know, but I suppose I should try.

Most of the time, I am just in awe of my baby... of the fact that I have a baby... that one day it was just Michael and me and the next here he was.

I think I've been riding a wave of euphoria for the past 2 months. Yep. 2 months. My precious little guy will be 2 months old tomorrow. Time is flying.

Mike gets frustrated with me at times because I will often just sit and stare at Sawyer. In fact, when we're watching something on tv that Mike wants me to see, he will hold Sawyer out of my eye shot so that I won't be distracted by our gorgeous little baby.

Motherhood, so far (KNOCK ON WOOD!) has been much easier than I anticipated. I figured the exhaustion would really get the best of me, but I haven't really had much of a problem with that. A few things contributed to this, I think...

1) Michael didn't go back to work full time until just this past week. Almost 2 full months of a full time daddy/helper? priceless.

2) We lived with my parents for the first month. They cooked and cleaned for us, and all we had to do was tend to our baby. no problemo.

3) Sawyer is a champion sleeper. He has been sleeping "through the night" pretty much since we arrived back here to San Diego (*sleeping through the night is defined as sleeping a 6 hour stretch), and he has always been really great about waking up, eating, and promptly going right back to sleep. My sleepless nights have really been few and far between with this guy.

Did I mention that he rarely ever cries? seriously. Those inconsolable howling babies you see on tv (or encounter in the grocery store)? They're alien to me. My baby complains every now and then, but rarely gets to the point of an all out screech and can almost always be soothed very easily with food, a pacifier, or possibly a short walk around the room.

Mike and I are convinced that our next child is going to be the nightmare baby, because everyone is constantly telling us that not all babies are like our baby. We are the proud parents of one very content little man. (again, pardon me while I KNOCK ON WOOD furiously!) I am also slightly convinced that one day very soon Sawyer is going to wake up and throw a 24 hour temper tantrum to make up for being such an angelic child thus far.

Yesterday I was thinking about how lucky Michael and I have been. Because he didn't really go back to work full time until this past week, we have had so much time to just be a family and figure out this parenting thing without other life stresses getting in the way. I'm also thankful to be able to stay home and just be a mom. I know staying at home full time is not for everyone, but I certainly could not imagine not being with my baby all day long. And, though my pregnancy seemed long and arduous (ok, so that was really only the last month... but man was that last month tough!) I feel very blessed to have been able to cherish every minute of his short little life (both in the womb and out!).

Yes. Downright euphoric. That's exactly how I feel.

Labor and delivery were something else entirely, however. I think I had it quite a bit harder than most because women say that once that baby is in your arms you forget completely about the ordeal of getting him into the world. I did not, though. I still haven't. And I don't expect to forget anytime soon. It took me a while, but I have recently decided that it *maybe *might *possibly have been totally worth it and though I'm a total whimp and a tried and true quitter, I just might be up for doing it all again....

eventually.

I do suppose that it will be worth it if it means I will be able to experience the absolute bliss of motherhood once again.

American Idol Tearjerker

I'm not sure if you caught the latest episode of American Idol last night or not. Even if you're not an AI fan, there was a story featured last night that I think everyone needs to watch because I just can't get it out of my mind.

After watching this clip, two thoughts come to mind...
1. WoW
2. If placed in the same situation, would I be able to do what he is doing? I hope so. He is truly an amazing person.

Watch. I dare you not to cry.

VIDEO WAS REMOVED. I HOPE YOU WERE ABLE TO WATCH IT WHILE IT WAS THERE!

LUNCH

Since I had Sawyer, I have forgotten to eat lunch exactly twice. I didn't make a decision not to eat lunch; I simply forgot.

Both times, I went about my day and realized at some point during the late afternoon that I was feeling hungry... then I promptly realized I was hungry because lunch had completely slipped my mind.

This is very unlike me. My former self would have known at least 24 hours in advance exactly what meals I wanted to have the next day. In fact, my former self was known to get downright panicky if lunchtime rolled around and there were no specific lunchtime plans in the works.

For this reason, the first time I forgot about lunch I was completely shocked. The second time... I was slightly concerned.

Is this forgetting about lunch thing going to become a habit?
I certainly hope not.

Saying Goodbye to San Diego?

Mike is pretty sure that we're going to be moving sometime in the next few months. Hopefully to the Washington, DC area.

The DC area sounds like a dream come true for many reasons:

1. My entire family lives within a 2.5 hour range of DC -- I haven't been that close to my family since college.

2. We'd have a free place to stay. Yep, you heard me. Mike's grandmother passed away a few years ago and his cousin has been living in her house pretty much ever since... he's getting married in April and getting his own place which means the house will be open for us. Couldn't be better timing.

3. Do I even need to give any more reasons than that? No. I don't, but I will. Last, but not least, if we do get moved to the DC area it will be because Michael has been accepted to EWS (which is some school he has to do in order to make the next rank in the USMC) and also guarantees *GASP* no deployments for the next year. Wowie.

You know what, though? There's a part of me that isn't fully on board with the idea of moving in a few months. Call me crazy, but... we just got back! And what did we arrive to? Only the most gorgeous weather in the history of weather. It's January and for the past week we have been enjoying sunshine and weather in the 70's. It really just doesn't get much better than that. We leave our back door open pretty much all the time so the dogs can go in and out at will and we don't even have to worry about bugs infiltrating our home. I mean, is that awesome or is that awesome? It's awesome. I know.

Everyone always asks me how I like San Diego... and I always tell people... it's the best. The only way it could be any better is if my family lived nearby.


But they don't. Which is why the majority of me is super, crazy, wildly excited about trading in this gorgeous town I call home for a place near the Fam.

There is that tiny fraction of me, though, that will mourn the loss of my beautiful San Diego.

I wrote an entire blog post in my head last night while trying to get back to sleep after feeding Sawyer.... but I'll be damned if I have any small inkling as to what it was about now.

It frightens me a bit that I am up handling a little baby in the wee hours of the morning when I have been known to be very groggy and my mind has been known to play odd tricks on me.

For example, the other night when Mike came to bed he asked me if we could cuddle and I replied, "No, I'm holding Sawyer." He told me I wasn't holding Sawyer and asked again if we could cuddle. I said, "No. I'm still kind of holding Sawyer." I don't remember the conversation, but I do remember waking up thinking I was holding the baby and then realizing I wasn't. A very strange feeling indeed.

Because he sleeps in a bassinet right next to my bed, I will often awaken to the slightest grunt and moan and become very confused about when I last fed him/changed him/etc. I can always figure it out after slapping myself into awareness and doing some serious hurt-the-brain thinking, but being up at all hours of the night and having to be alert and aware is a difficult task for me to say the least.

On a positive note, Sawyer slept 7 hours in one stretch last night. I hate to speak to soon, but I do believe my groggy/ sleepless nights may soon be coming to an end!

Bringing Baby West

We're back in California again. Back to our house and our life. The time in Pennsylvania flew by in the blink of an eye. It was so nice to be around family for such a long time, and it was incredibly special for the family to be able to spend a month with Sawyer before we dragged him away, back to the west coast.

Getting Sawyer here was a bit of an ordeal. Our (very young) pediatrician (who obviously has no kids of her own) told us at our first appointment that she wishes we would consider driving our one-month-old baby across the country instead of flying him.

....

Um. I can think of about a thousand reasons why driving a newborn baby across the country in the dead of winter is a bad idea right off hand. Her opinion sent us into a bit of a tailspin to say the least. Despite the fact that we got a second opinion and a third opinion (and a thousand other opinions from family and friends) and despite the fact that my gut told me that driving across the country with my newborn baby would be nothing short of my worst nightmare, that pediatrician sufficiently freaked the hell out of me, and I knew that I would be worried sick about the trip no matter what.

Thankfully, my wonderful sister did the plane trip with me since Michael had the task of driving the dogs back. The trip went as smoothly as it could possibly have gone, despite the fact that a lady with a cold who was blowing her nose on her shirt and sneezing freely into the recirculated air sat right in front of us AND the fact that I woke up to a couple inches of snow on the ground and had a minor panic attack imagining that I might be sitting in the airport for hours on end with my newborn waiting for my delayed flight to take off... yeah... despite those two minor setbacks the trip actually went off without a hitch.

Of course, I have acquired a bit of a cold since then so I'm pretty convinced that Sawyer is going to get it too and I've already warned Mike that the first time Sawyer gets sick I'm going to totally FREAK OUT. I will not be cool with it at all. In fact, I'm pretty sure that I will think he's dying or something equally absurd. Because, yes, I am crazy psycho overprotective parent. I'm not proud of it, but it is what it is.

In any case, we're back in the greater San Diego area now, and I couldn't be enjoying the weather any more. I miss the fam. I do not miss the dreary gray skies and bone chilling cold. I currently have a trillion things to get done around the house and very limited time to do them, so I am not at all bored as I thought I might be.

Sawyer amazes me every single day with how fast he is growing and developing. Last night he slept 6 hours in one stretch. crazy! Then today was a huge day for him. Not only did he finally discover how to get and keep his fist in his mouth, but he also rolled over. twice. I'm sure he's quite advanced. In fact, I'm pretty sure I smell professional athlete in his future. Just saying.

And then... there's that smile. Does it get any cuter than that? seriously.
:)

Sawyer Michael

I would like to formally introduce you, blog world, to my most precious baby Sawyer Michael. Born December 6 @ 1:07 am, 8 lbs exactly, 21 3/4 inches long.

He arrived on his own schedule, 10 days late, one day before he was scheduled to be induced. 30 long hours of labor followed by 2 hours of pushing made for a rough journey for both mommy and baby.

but, boy, was he ever worth it!

Less than 2 weeks old today, he already has his own little personality traits and characteristics that make him a very unique little man. He has a plethora of interesting facial expressions that he will entertain you with as you hold him. He loves nothing more than to rest his hand (or fist) on his little face. In fact, during labor between contractions, I would put my hands to my face in a very similar fashion to take a little breather. When he arrived in the world, one of the first things he did was put his hands to his face and the nurse proclaimed, "Just like his mommy!" :)

When he was born, my world started to spin and just can't seem to slow down.

There's much to update you on, but I must get off.... I can't stand being away from my little guy for too long.