Motherhood

It's hard to write these days. How do I even begin to accurately put my feelings into words? I don't know, but I suppose I should try.

Most of the time, I am just in awe of my baby... of the fact that I have a baby... that one day it was just Michael and me and the next here he was.

I think I've been riding a wave of euphoria for the past 2 months. Yep. 2 months. My precious little guy will be 2 months old tomorrow. Time is flying.

Mike gets frustrated with me at times because I will often just sit and stare at Sawyer. In fact, when we're watching something on tv that Mike wants me to see, he will hold Sawyer out of my eye shot so that I won't be distracted by our gorgeous little baby.

Motherhood, so far (KNOCK ON WOOD!) has been much easier than I anticipated. I figured the exhaustion would really get the best of me, but I haven't really had much of a problem with that. A few things contributed to this, I think...

1) Michael didn't go back to work full time until just this past week. Almost 2 full months of a full time daddy/helper? priceless.

2) We lived with my parents for the first month. They cooked and cleaned for us, and all we had to do was tend to our baby. no problemo.

3) Sawyer is a champion sleeper. He has been sleeping "through the night" pretty much since we arrived back here to San Diego (*sleeping through the night is defined as sleeping a 6 hour stretch), and he has always been really great about waking up, eating, and promptly going right back to sleep. My sleepless nights have really been few and far between with this guy.

Did I mention that he rarely ever cries? seriously. Those inconsolable howling babies you see on tv (or encounter in the grocery store)? They're alien to me. My baby complains every now and then, but rarely gets to the point of an all out screech and can almost always be soothed very easily with food, a pacifier, or possibly a short walk around the room.

Mike and I are convinced that our next child is going to be the nightmare baby, because everyone is constantly telling us that not all babies are like our baby. We are the proud parents of one very content little man. (again, pardon me while I KNOCK ON WOOD furiously!) I am also slightly convinced that one day very soon Sawyer is going to wake up and throw a 24 hour temper tantrum to make up for being such an angelic child thus far.

Yesterday I was thinking about how lucky Michael and I have been. Because he didn't really go back to work full time until this past week, we have had so much time to just be a family and figure out this parenting thing without other life stresses getting in the way. I'm also thankful to be able to stay home and just be a mom. I know staying at home full time is not for everyone, but I certainly could not imagine not being with my baby all day long. And, though my pregnancy seemed long and arduous (ok, so that was really only the last month... but man was that last month tough!) I feel very blessed to have been able to cherish every minute of his short little life (both in the womb and out!).

Yes. Downright euphoric. That's exactly how I feel.

Labor and delivery were something else entirely, however. I think I had it quite a bit harder than most because women say that once that baby is in your arms you forget completely about the ordeal of getting him into the world. I did not, though. I still haven't. And I don't expect to forget anytime soon. It took me a while, but I have recently decided that it *maybe *might *possibly have been totally worth it and though I'm a total whimp and a tried and true quitter, I just might be up for doing it all again....

eventually.

I do suppose that it will be worth it if it means I will be able to experience the absolute bliss of motherhood once again.