Right now I am very happy and very sad at the same time. I did the inevitable today and actually glanced at a calendar. It was one of the scariest things I've ever forced myself to do.. especially when I realized that time with hubby is numbered to less than two weeks now.
I'm starting to feel a little bit like the person I was last March when he left for his first deployment....you know.. the person who is so overwhelmed with what's going on that life begins to feel a bit like a fog.. and the fact that I'm still functioning as a normal human is somewhat of a miracle.
But.. I'm happy. Hubby and I have been spending some great quality time together lately.. we're happier than ever...Life is good! Well, life is GREAT except for the fact that in less than two weeks I will be suffering through my own form of self-torture (aka DEPLOYMENT).
hmm.
This Saturday we finally took our jet ski out.. and.. IT WAS SO MUCH FUN that we went back again on Sunday! We found this GREAT lake about 30 minutes away from our house that allows jetskis on the weekends. The lake was HUGE with tons of little beach areas all around that you can beach on and hang out on between jetskiing. Both times we went we took some buddies along with us.. our jetski only holds two but we have the coolest raft for two that the jetski drags behind. Riding the raft was a mixture of the most fun you've ever had AND fearing for your life as you bounce around the lake. The best thing, in my opinion, was beaching on the side of the lake and laying on the raft. Pure heaven on earth.
Tomorrow we will probably go to Disneyland and finally make use of the tickets my students gave me for an end-of-the-year present.
Hmm.. So, can you understand how I say that right now I am So very happy and so very sad at the same time? On the bright side, though.. happy and sad together sure beats the hell out of sad all on its own. :)
Sunday, July 20, 2008
happy and sad
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Bearing Witness
Despite the fact that I have 8,000 things to do in preparation for my long departure from my home (first I'll be heading to PA/MD to see my parents, attend a longtime friend's wedding, enjoy my nephew, and spend time with my sister THEN, I'll be heading to FL to relax on the beach with hubby and the in-laws), I am having a bit of a slow start to my day. I'm recovering from 3 days of intensity and learning. The past 3 days I attended a conference for Catholic School Teachers called Bearing Witness sponsored by the Anti Defamation League.
I wish I had the ability to fully explain the incredible amount of information and understanding that was pounded into me in the course of those 3 days. While I was there, I couldn't help thinking that I wished my husband or mother or sister.. or SOMEONE that I loved and cared about could be sharing this experience with me. Because, that's what it was... an experience.
Rather than coming out with facts & statistics.. I have come out with a deep understanding of the anti-semitic problem in the world and in the Catholic church. Deep understanding is correct, because it is all so much deeper than probably anyone can possibly imagine (it is certainly deeper than I had ever considered..and I DO consider myself to have always been very sensitive to these things). And, now, I face the difficult task of somehow passing that UNDERSTANDING on to my students. Task is probably the wrong word... responsibility is what it is. Now that I have an understanding, I have an absolute RESPONSIBILITY to live what I know.. and to pass it on to my students..
The first two days were not spent educating us on the problem of anti-semitism. In fact, they were simply spent informing us about the Jewish Religion and the Catholic Religion. During this portion of the conference I met my new inspiration. His name is Father McManus and he is by far the most inspirational and captivating teacher I have ever had the opportunity to meet and learn from. When he spoke, I actually found myself sitting on the very edge of my seat.. with my mouth hanging open.. ready to ingest the pearls of wisdom he was sending my way. He was amazing, and if for any reason you ever have the opportunity to hear him speak, I insist that you go.
I signed up for Bearing Witness thinking that I would learn a lot. But, Bearing Witness was so much more than knowledge and information. Bearing witness was a life changing event in my life that I hope I will never forget.
I wish I had the ability to fully explain the incredible amount of information and understanding that was pounded into me in the course of those 3 days. While I was there, I couldn't help thinking that I wished my husband or mother or sister.. or SOMEONE that I loved and cared about could be sharing this experience with me. Because, that's what it was... an experience.
Rather than coming out with facts & statistics.. I have come out with a deep understanding of the anti-semitic problem in the world and in the Catholic church. Deep understanding is correct, because it is all so much deeper than probably anyone can possibly imagine (it is certainly deeper than I had ever considered..and I DO consider myself to have always been very sensitive to these things). And, now, I face the difficult task of somehow passing that UNDERSTANDING on to my students. Task is probably the wrong word... responsibility is what it is. Now that I have an understanding, I have an absolute RESPONSIBILITY to live what I know.. and to pass it on to my students..
The first two days were not spent educating us on the problem of anti-semitism. In fact, they were simply spent informing us about the Jewish Religion and the Catholic Religion. During this portion of the conference I met my new inspiration. His name is Father McManus and he is by far the most inspirational and captivating teacher I have ever had the opportunity to meet and learn from. When he spoke, I actually found myself sitting on the very edge of my seat.. with my mouth hanging open.. ready to ingest the pearls of wisdom he was sending my way. He was amazing, and if for any reason you ever have the opportunity to hear him speak, I insist that you go.
I signed up for Bearing Witness thinking that I would learn a lot. But, Bearing Witness was so much more than knowledge and information. Bearing witness was a life changing event in my life that I hope I will never forget.
Sunday, June 15, 2008
MONEY!
After the hellishness of this school year, I think my principal realized I was doing a lot more work than I was being compensated for. I think that's the only explanation for the fact that according to the pay schedule set forth by my employer I was only supposed to receive about an $800 dollar raise next year. But, when I received my contract draft to look over and initial, I was SHOCKED to see that instead of an $800 raise for next year.. I was going to receive a $6000 raise.
Being the MORAL person that I am and realizing the likelihood that this was not some amazing gift, but rather, a mistake.. when I turned my draft contract back to my principal, I added a sticky note next the the amount that said, "Is this amount right? I'm certainly NOT complaining, but it just seems like a big jump, so I want to be sure." --
I didn't hear anything back from my principal. And, when I received the final draft of my contract back in an envelope on my desk.. I opened it up and on top of the amount was a sticky note with a smiley face.
Sure enough. I am getting a $6000 raise next year! Woo Hoo!
I still don't know why. I can only guess at my principal's motives. Possibly she realized I am doing more work than my pay schedule dictates. Perhaps she's just tired of having to deal with the "time cards" I had to fill out this year (because I was barely making minimum wage compared to how many hours I was working!!!). Perhaps, she was afraid that after seeing me at the job fair this year , I would be seeking greener pastures and this was how she was getting me to stay. Who knows.
I guess what she was thinking when she gave me the raise really doesn't matter. All that matters is, How Will I Spend the EXTRA $$$??!!
JUST KIDDING, MOM!
This year & this deployment will be a super money saving time for hubby and me. We do, afterall, plan to start a family a few months after hubby returns from Iraq. That's the plan anyway. :O)
Being the MORAL person that I am and realizing the likelihood that this was not some amazing gift, but rather, a mistake.. when I turned my draft contract back to my principal, I added a sticky note next the the amount that said, "Is this amount right? I'm certainly NOT complaining, but it just seems like a big jump, so I want to be sure." --
I didn't hear anything back from my principal. And, when I received the final draft of my contract back in an envelope on my desk.. I opened it up and on top of the amount was a sticky note with a smiley face.
Sure enough. I am getting a $6000 raise next year! Woo Hoo!
I still don't know why. I can only guess at my principal's motives. Possibly she realized I am doing more work than my pay schedule dictates. Perhaps she's just tired of having to deal with the "time cards" I had to fill out this year (because I was barely making minimum wage compared to how many hours I was working!!!). Perhaps, she was afraid that after seeing me at the job fair this year , I would be seeking greener pastures and this was how she was getting me to stay. Who knows.
I guess what she was thinking when she gave me the raise really doesn't matter. All that matters is, How Will I Spend the EXTRA $$$??!!
JUST KIDDING, MOM!
This year & this deployment will be a super money saving time for hubby and me. We do, afterall, plan to start a family a few months after hubby returns from Iraq. That's the plan anyway. :O)
Thursday, June 12, 2008
My Sister
This morning on my way to work, I started thinking about my sister. I was thinking about a blog she had written recently where she said she constantly composes things in her head, and whether they ever get written down or not, it is the way that she sorts through her thoughts. When she said this, I realized that I do the same thing ALL THE TIME. My thoughts went from that to actually composing a blog in my head ABOUT my sister. I decided that when I got home today, I would sit down and put this blog into action.
The FUNNY thing is that when I got home, I read this blog that she had written today requesting that people (specifically me) write a list of our top ten adjectives to describe her.
Well, sister dear, I will do better than ten adjectives. I will do an entire blog.
Since I just wrote about our weird connection, I'll tell you that this blogging incident was not the first time that this kind of thing has happened to us. Often, in the past, I have received a phone call from my sister just as I was considering picking up the phone and calling her (and, no, we do NOT call each other every day.. or even every week.. so yes this is quite something!).
But, probably the strangest thing that has ever happened was the day that she was giving birth. My parents and I were sitting in the Main Hospital Waiting Room waiting for a phone call from her hubby letting us know that BABY had been born. My Sister had been in labor since the night before, so we really had NO idea when the baby would finally arrive. As we were sitting there.. I suddenly had the strangest feeling come over me that caused me to physically suck in my breath. I told my mom what had happened and how strange it was. We looked at the time because I said SIS had probably just had her baby......... an HOUR later we finally received the call to come up to the maternity ward to see Mama and baby. The first thing I inquired about was the TIME of birth.. and sure enough.. it was exactly ONE minute after I had my strange feeling..
My sister.
When we were young, she was the definition of the mean older sister. When I look back on my childhood diary, I have numerous entries complaining about how mean she was. Her evil sister acts that top the charts of my memory are 1) Hitting me in the face with her jeans one evening at the dinner table (don't ask) and 2) taking the heads off all of my barbies, distributing them around my room, placing tiny tin foil knives in their hands, and telling me that they come alive at night and kill people. Terrible, right?
Despite her evil ways (according to my diary), I know that my sister was a big reason why I was able to look in the mirror and STOP seeing a tall, awkward, skinny, pale, freckly, dry skinned, dull haired girl as a teenager. My sister told me that I was beautiful more times than I could possibly count. She said it so much, that at one point or another, I began to believe her. She, also, was the one who told me I was a good writer. She always complimented me on what a good writer I was and encouraged me to write! (and, the funny thing is.. all along SHE was probably always the best writer in the family.. but chose to keep that gift undertabs)!
AND, believe it or not, she is the one who helped me to realize that I should be a teacher. I'll never forget it. We were at the beach with our family the summer after my freshman year in college. I was still an Undecided major. We were at the bookstore choosing some beach reading, and I (as usual) headed straight for the children's section (teenagers). She came and found me there and said.. "You know, Sarah, you like these books so much.. why don't you major in education and teach Jr. High English?!" And just like that... it was a done deal. She was right, and as soon as she said it, I knew it was what I should do.
My sister.
How could I possibly choose just ten adjectives when she is much more than that to me. To me.. my sister is:
- Ambition in action.. she doesn't just wish and hope to do things.. she does them.
- Beauty inside and out.. she is a GOOD person with GOOD intentions always
- The person I will look to for guidance when I am a mother (because as far as I can tell.. she is the BEST (mother)).
- One who doesn't accept mediocrity in herself OR others
- Silent Laughter (When we are together we almost always find something to be SO funny that when we laugh.. we laugh SO HARD that noise doesn't come out!)
- KNOWLEDGE (when I have a question about religion, politics, the world, or life in general.. I know she will have the answer I need)
- Thoughtfulness.. (She has (all of my adult life) sent me notes and letters just to say "good job", "congratulations" , "I'm thinking of you", or simply "Hello"! AND, unlike Me.. she never forgets a birthday.
- Strength... (and I don't say this b/c she's a brown belt in Tae Kwon Do and once flipped me!) I say this because she looks life square in the face and overcomes any obstacle that comes her way.
To give you an idea of who my sister is... when she was sick and in the hospital.. and they didn't know what was wrong.. but thought that it was cancer.... when I talked to her on the phone.. she would try to cheer me up and make things easier one me. Crazy that she would be thinking about my feelings when she was going through something like that.. But, that's her.
And, if you still don't feel like you've gotten the message about my sister.. I'll leave you with this final tidbit.
My sister... is probably the only person who can claim that she injured her back while attempting to carry her little sister to bed one night. (When I was 19!!! And she was 25!!!) :)))
Now, SIS. I think Lucas is right; because, if THAT doesn't qualify you as silly then I don't know what does.
The FUNNY thing is that when I got home, I read this blog that she had written today requesting that people (specifically me) write a list of our top ten adjectives to describe her.
Well, sister dear, I will do better than ten adjectives. I will do an entire blog.
Since I just wrote about our weird connection, I'll tell you that this blogging incident was not the first time that this kind of thing has happened to us. Often, in the past, I have received a phone call from my sister just as I was considering picking up the phone and calling her (and, no, we do NOT call each other every day.. or even every week.. so yes this is quite something!).
But, probably the strangest thing that has ever happened was the day that she was giving birth. My parents and I were sitting in the Main Hospital Waiting Room waiting for a phone call from her hubby letting us know that BABY had been born. My Sister had been in labor since the night before, so we really had NO idea when the baby would finally arrive. As we were sitting there.. I suddenly had the strangest feeling come over me that caused me to physically suck in my breath. I told my mom what had happened and how strange it was. We looked at the time because I said SIS had probably just had her baby......... an HOUR later we finally received the call to come up to the maternity ward to see Mama and baby. The first thing I inquired about was the TIME of birth.. and sure enough.. it was exactly ONE minute after I had my strange feeling..
My sister.
When we were young, she was the definition of the mean older sister. When I look back on my childhood diary, I have numerous entries complaining about how mean she was. Her evil sister acts that top the charts of my memory are 1) Hitting me in the face with her jeans one evening at the dinner table (don't ask) and 2) taking the heads off all of my barbies, distributing them around my room, placing tiny tin foil knives in their hands, and telling me that they come alive at night and kill people. Terrible, right?
Despite her evil ways (according to my diary), I know that my sister was a big reason why I was able to look in the mirror and STOP seeing a tall, awkward, skinny, pale, freckly, dry skinned, dull haired girl as a teenager. My sister told me that I was beautiful more times than I could possibly count. She said it so much, that at one point or another, I began to believe her. She, also, was the one who told me I was a good writer. She always complimented me on what a good writer I was and encouraged me to write! (and, the funny thing is.. all along SHE was probably always the best writer in the family.. but chose to keep that gift undertabs)!
AND, believe it or not, she is the one who helped me to realize that I should be a teacher. I'll never forget it. We were at the beach with our family the summer after my freshman year in college. I was still an Undecided major. We were at the bookstore choosing some beach reading, and I (as usual) headed straight for the children's section (teenagers). She came and found me there and said.. "You know, Sarah, you like these books so much.. why don't you major in education and teach Jr. High English?!" And just like that... it was a done deal. She was right, and as soon as she said it, I knew it was what I should do.
My sister.
How could I possibly choose just ten adjectives when she is much more than that to me. To me.. my sister is:
- Ambition in action.. she doesn't just wish and hope to do things.. she does them.
- Beauty inside and out.. she is a GOOD person with GOOD intentions always
- The person I will look to for guidance when I am a mother (because as far as I can tell.. she is the BEST (mother)).
- One who doesn't accept mediocrity in herself OR others
- Silent Laughter (When we are together we almost always find something to be SO funny that when we laugh.. we laugh SO HARD that noise doesn't come out!)
- KNOWLEDGE (when I have a question about religion, politics, the world, or life in general.. I know she will have the answer I need)
- Thoughtfulness.. (She has (all of my adult life) sent me notes and letters just to say "good job", "congratulations" , "I'm thinking of you", or simply "Hello"! AND, unlike Me.. she never forgets a birthday.
- Strength... (and I don't say this b/c she's a brown belt in Tae Kwon Do and once flipped me!) I say this because she looks life square in the face and overcomes any obstacle that comes her way.
To give you an idea of who my sister is... when she was sick and in the hospital.. and they didn't know what was wrong.. but thought that it was cancer.... when I talked to her on the phone.. she would try to cheer me up and make things easier one me. Crazy that she would be thinking about my feelings when she was going through something like that.. But, that's her.
And, if you still don't feel like you've gotten the message about my sister.. I'll leave you with this final tidbit.
My sister... is probably the only person who can claim that she injured her back while attempting to carry her little sister to bed one night. (When I was 19!!! And she was 25!!!) :)))
Now, SIS. I think Lucas is right; because, if THAT doesn't qualify you as silly then I don't know what does.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
More adventures in military land...and a swarm of bees.
I'll tell you what...I have to give the Marine Corps credit, because it seems to me that they're going out of their way to make sure that this is one hell of a Deployment Practice. They must really want to challenge me.. considering the fact that despite the lack of phone availability where my husband is.. he has managed to wander around in the dessert every night to find a phone signal to call me. These phone calls are really quite a joy considering that the connection drops every 2 minutes and the wind in the dessert blows so hard that even when hubby puts his head in his shirt I can still barely hear anything he says over the noise of the whipping wind. As you can imagine, communication has been really great.. (she says sarcastically!)!!!
Speaking of fun deployment practices, did I mention that I was attacked by a swarm of bees today? Okay, so maybe the bees don't have anything to do with deployment practice, but I just REALLY want to tell you about my experience with the bees.
Today we had a field day to celebrate the end of the school year. I was supervising a 6th grade game of soccer, and in order to see the game play from a different angle, took a stroll down to the other end of the soccer field where not many people were. All of the sudden, I heard someone shout "BEES!" -- and suddenly I was surrounded by bees. It was hundreds, if not thousands of bees. If you've ever seen My Girl use that as a frame of reference and multiply the size of that swarm of bees by like 10. So, here I am surrounded by a swarm of bees. These bees were flying over me, around me, under me, they were touching me, buzzing in my face, and I DID NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO. I looked up for a moment and saw that the students and teachers on all of the surrounding fields had vacated the area.. and the 5 or so 6th graders left on my end of the soccer field had hit the deck. They were on the ground, everyone else was gone, and there was me.. standing in the middle of this bee swarm in a complete and total panic. I did NOT know what to do. I seriously thought that I must be getting stung repeatedly, but I was probably just TOO SCARED to feel the stings. Finally, I made my decision and hit the deck with the 6th graders. And, we laid there together.. until the swarm was gone.
Seriously, it was one of the scariest things that has EVER happened to me. And, I still to this moment cannot believe that I was so panicked in that situation that I had to take my cues from my students.
And, get this... despite the attack of hundreds of bees on my school's field day.. no one got stung.
Not even me.
Unbelievable, I know.
Speaking of fun deployment practices, did I mention that I was attacked by a swarm of bees today? Okay, so maybe the bees don't have anything to do with deployment practice, but I just REALLY want to tell you about my experience with the bees.
Today we had a field day to celebrate the end of the school year. I was supervising a 6th grade game of soccer, and in order to see the game play from a different angle, took a stroll down to the other end of the soccer field where not many people were. All of the sudden, I heard someone shout "BEES!" -- and suddenly I was surrounded by bees. It was hundreds, if not thousands of bees. If you've ever seen My Girl use that as a frame of reference and multiply the size of that swarm of bees by like 10. So, here I am surrounded by a swarm of bees. These bees were flying over me, around me, under me, they were touching me, buzzing in my face, and I DID NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO. I looked up for a moment and saw that the students and teachers on all of the surrounding fields had vacated the area.. and the 5 or so 6th graders left on my end of the soccer field had hit the deck. They were on the ground, everyone else was gone, and there was me.. standing in the middle of this bee swarm in a complete and total panic. I did NOT know what to do. I seriously thought that I must be getting stung repeatedly, but I was probably just TOO SCARED to feel the stings. Finally, I made my decision and hit the deck with the 6th graders. And, we laid there together.. until the swarm was gone.
Seriously, it was one of the scariest things that has EVER happened to me. And, I still to this moment cannot believe that I was so panicked in that situation that I had to take my cues from my students.
And, get this... despite the attack of hundreds of bees on my school's field day.. no one got stung.
Not even me.
Unbelievable, I know.
Monday, June 9, 2008
The OTHER Kind of Deployment Breakdown
This weekend I spent an evening with my long lost deployment buddy. She was the wife whose husband was in the same squadron as mine with whom I spent most of my weekends while our marines were gone over the summer.
Just tonight.. I was reminded of one of the conversations we had on Saturday.
Another military wife currently undergoing her first deployment was telling us a story about packages her marine "desperately" needed.. and a not so understanding postal worker who would rather go home on time than let a poor marine wife send her husband 3 large packages she had spent the morning rushing to put together. This of course, led her to have her first big deployment cry in the middle of the post office parking lot. This is what I will call a Classic Deployment Breakdown. Ask any military wife; we've all had one.
My deployment buddy proceeded to say that her deployment breakdowns come in a little bit of a different form than breaking down in tears in parking lots. Hers consisted more of things like getting so aggravated with the fact that Jiffy Lube had their lights on (unnecesserily) during a sunny summer day that she felt the need to scream at the person manning the front desk and give him a lecture about saving electricity.
I thought of this tonight, when hubby called me and told me that his "deployment practice" was being extended an extra week. Moments after he told me this, I began to notice a loud sucking noise our pool filter was making and proceeded to yell at him for leaving me here without explaining to me how to deal with our new pool vacuum because... it doesn't work and the pool is starting to turn green and it's all his fault for leaving me UNPREPARED! AGAIN!!!!
............
That's when I realized that instead of dealing with the crapiness of yet another precious week away from hubby on the eve of his deployment.. I was yelling at him about something that was really neither here nor there. I realized I was having the OTHER kind of deployment breakdown, the kind where instead of looking like a sad wife who misses her husband, you just look like a depraved maniac.
I can't tell you how hard I laughed when deployment buddy told me about yelling at the man at Jiffy Lube for having their lights on. But, I'll tell you what... now that I think about it.. it makes sense. I can understand why she did it. And, this deployment, I can't promise you I won't be doing the same thing.
Just tonight.. I was reminded of one of the conversations we had on Saturday.
Another military wife currently undergoing her first deployment was telling us a story about packages her marine "desperately" needed.. and a not so understanding postal worker who would rather go home on time than let a poor marine wife send her husband 3 large packages she had spent the morning rushing to put together. This of course, led her to have her first big deployment cry in the middle of the post office parking lot. This is what I will call a Classic Deployment Breakdown. Ask any military wife; we've all had one.
My deployment buddy proceeded to say that her deployment breakdowns come in a little bit of a different form than breaking down in tears in parking lots. Hers consisted more of things like getting so aggravated with the fact that Jiffy Lube had their lights on (unnecesserily) during a sunny summer day that she felt the need to scream at the person manning the front desk and give him a lecture about saving electricity.
I thought of this tonight, when hubby called me and told me that his "deployment practice" was being extended an extra week. Moments after he told me this, I began to notice a loud sucking noise our pool filter was making and proceeded to yell at him for leaving me here without explaining to me how to deal with our new pool vacuum because... it doesn't work and the pool is starting to turn green and it's all his fault for leaving me UNPREPARED! AGAIN!!!!
............
That's when I realized that instead of dealing with the crapiness of yet another precious week away from hubby on the eve of his deployment.. I was yelling at him about something that was really neither here nor there. I realized I was having the OTHER kind of deployment breakdown, the kind where instead of looking like a sad wife who misses her husband, you just look like a depraved maniac.
I can't tell you how hard I laughed when deployment buddy told me about yelling at the man at Jiffy Lube for having their lights on. But, I'll tell you what... now that I think about it.. it makes sense. I can understand why she did it. And, this deployment, I can't promise you I won't be doing the same thing.
Saturday, June 7, 2008
My Week in Review
This week was a big week for me. It was the week I've been preparing for all year long, the week of my 8th grade students' graduation. Graduation is a big deal for ME because I had the wonderful task of planning graduation AND announcing graduation. If I thought planning it was a doozy, announcing was quite the task for me. I didn't think I was nervous about it until I had to sit through an hour long mass beforehand. During the mass I did my very best to keep myself calm and collected. I think I succeeded in atleast LOOKING calm and collected, but my insides definitely did not match my outside.
I generally get very nervous before getting up in front of a large group of people. But, I had NEVER spoken in front of such a large crowd before (my guess is 200 people were in attendance.. including all of my co-workers, boss, and parish priests). So, as I waited for the big graduation moment to arrive.. I practiced deep breathing... and for the first time in my life was actually so nervous that I was afraid I would faint. I actually felt that warmth that rises in my face when I'm about to pass out. It was THAT bad.
But, it was good moment for me. I spoke beautifully (from what I could tell) and did not stumble over my words once. I stood tall and straight, folded my hands on the podium, and in my mind looked and sounded quite more professional and mature than my 26 years of life experience.
The sad thing of it all... none of my loved ones were there for my "big" moment. My husband is out of town for our "Deployment Practice", and that night was mine alone... with no one to share in my fear and joy.
*Sigh. And, here is where military life gets hard. When your spouse misses out on these big landmark moments in your life.. it's tough.
But, that is one of those things that makes military life different than normal life. When your spouse is gone you lead two separate lives. You experience life separately and have experiences that you can share with one another, but the reality is, you will never fully understand what it is your spouse has been through. It actually goes against the very definition of marriage of growing together.
I do feel proud and validated in the knowledge that though the adjustment was not easy at first, when my hubby returned from his first deployment, our marriage grew and strengthened more than ever. I know that we are stronger than anything that comes our way; because, let's face it.. we've been through more together than most married couples will go through in their lifetimes together. And, when I hear about the struggles that some couples that I know face, I thank my lucky stars for a husband who has changed and grown with me.. and who loves me more every day.
I generally get very nervous before getting up in front of a large group of people. But, I had NEVER spoken in front of such a large crowd before (my guess is 200 people were in attendance.. including all of my co-workers, boss, and parish priests). So, as I waited for the big graduation moment to arrive.. I practiced deep breathing... and for the first time in my life was actually so nervous that I was afraid I would faint. I actually felt that warmth that rises in my face when I'm about to pass out. It was THAT bad.
But, it was good moment for me. I spoke beautifully (from what I could tell) and did not stumble over my words once. I stood tall and straight, folded my hands on the podium, and in my mind looked and sounded quite more professional and mature than my 26 years of life experience.
The sad thing of it all... none of my loved ones were there for my "big" moment. My husband is out of town for our "Deployment Practice", and that night was mine alone... with no one to share in my fear and joy.
*Sigh. And, here is where military life gets hard. When your spouse misses out on these big landmark moments in your life.. it's tough.
But, that is one of those things that makes military life different than normal life. When your spouse is gone you lead two separate lives. You experience life separately and have experiences that you can share with one another, but the reality is, you will never fully understand what it is your spouse has been through. It actually goes against the very definition of marriage of growing together.
I do feel proud and validated in the knowledge that though the adjustment was not easy at first, when my hubby returned from his first deployment, our marriage grew and strengthened more than ever. I know that we are stronger than anything that comes our way; because, let's face it.. we've been through more together than most married couples will go through in their lifetimes together. And, when I hear about the struggles that some couples that I know face, I thank my lucky stars for a husband who has changed and grown with me.. and who loves me more every day.
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