The Dreaded Countdown

One of the worst things about deployment is the countdown to deployment. I believe it might be comparable to the countdown of, say, a death row inmate.

Other military bloggers have written about the awful countdown to deployment and how sometimes you just start to feel like you want them to get out of here already so that you can start the good kind of counting down. The countdown to the homecoming.

I certainly haven't reached that place yet. I'm not quite ready to kick Mike out the door. I want my hubby to stick around as long as possible.

But he doesn't make things any easier one me, that's for sure. I cannot tell you how many times he has lamented (out loud) the fact that he will be gone when that movie comes out in theaters, or he won't be able to watch a certain tv show to it's season finale because he will be gone before it's over. He does it multiple times a day. Every day.

Just today, I asked him to call and order some food for dinner so that I could pick it up. His response? "You might as well get used to doing it now because in x days I will be gone, and you'll have to do all the ordering."

Grrr...

Or when I asked him to help me fold up the elliptical the other day... he tsked me like a disappointed parent and sighed, "If you can't remember how to do it now, how will you manage to do it while I'm gone?"

I don't say anything, though. Because, I realize these comments are part of his coping method. I mean, I'm losing him for a year, yes. He's losing his whole life as he knows it for a year. It must be an odd thing to wrap your brain around.

I recently read a blog post about a lady whose husband got sent off on a deployment at the last minute. She said she much preferred it; because there was no dreadful countdown. It was quick and easy.

I can certainly understand.

Recently, the calendar has become my worst enemy. Every time I look at it I think x days until Mike leaves. We have x weekends together before he leaves. We only have x amount of days to accomplish the things we need to do before he goes.

All of this anticipation could really drive a person crazy.

But, you know, to be quite honest.... I'm just happy he's here. For now. For a moment last night and a couple minutes this morning I actually let my imagination run away with itself and started to get really miserable about our impending 1 year separation. I refuse to put myself through that for very long, though. Because I want to cherish the time I have with him now.

If only he would stop the constant... "I will be gone when..." talk. And if only I could find a way to live in a world with no calendars.

If only.