Stream of Consciousness

I wish I had something interesting to write about. I really do.

Unless, of course, you find the fact that my job is going full speed ahead at 100 mph and I am absolutely totally and unequivocally EXHAUSTED beyond belief every waking moment of my days - interesting.

Because, I mean, if you find that interesting then this is the blog for you!

It seems like after a few weeks of school something interesting should have happened. Something story worthy. Something that would have given me a good reason to log onto this website and update my loyal readers on my latest goingsons... (which is totally not a word.. which I totally realize.. but I'm using it anyway..)

Hmm... Let me think... there must be something!

Oh yes, here we go. Today my 7th and 8th grade language arts students turned in their first formal writing assignment of the year, a personal narrative. And, if I may say so myself, they were pretty freaking incredible, those narratives. I'm going to go ahead and give myself a nice big pat on the back on this one, because, you have no idea what a landmark occasion this is for me. When I first started teaching, I would literally want to pound my head against a concrete wall every time I read a jr. high student's piece of writing. It was torture. Truly. I can honestly say that over the course of my years as a teacher, I have seen remarkable growth in my students' writing ability, and I'm going to go ahead and take some credit for that. Hey, I have to take it where I can get it, you know what I mean?

Speaking of credit, (I knew that there must have been something interesting) today we were having a birthday luncheon for my principal and Gabriel's grandfather was there. Remember Gabriel? My failure (or so I thought) from my first year of teaching. Well, Gabriel has done this awesome life turnaround, and it appears as though his grandfather attributes that turnaround entirely to me.

That was a bit of a shocker. One of the teachers was asking him about Gabriel, and he started telling us about how well he is doing these days. He's playing football, keeping his grades up, staying out of trouble. He then turned to me and said, "I don't know what you said to him, but whatever it was, it changed him."

Whoa.

I mean, the truth of the matter is that I didn't do or say anything life changing to Gabriel. I think Gabriel had already made the decision to change his ways on his own, and all he needed was for someone to listen and support him.

But that's the truth if I've ever heard it. Most of the time all kids need is to know that they have someone who will listen to them and support them. This is also why one of the first things I did this year was schedule a one-on-one meeting with each of my 8th graders. In these meetings I ask them how their year is going so far, who lives at their house with them, what they do after school, if they foresee any challenges for themselves in the coming weeks. Last, but definitely not least, I always ask if they will feel comfortable coming to me if they have any questions or concerns for me throughout the school year. It's basically my way of telling them that I'm here if they need me. I think it's really important for them to know that right off that bat.

.....But....hmm..I do believe I've gotten a bit off topic. Where was I going with this? Oh yes, that's right, so like I was saying, I really don't have anything very interesting to write about. Nothing interesting in the least.

Blessings in Disguise (like, seriously, undercover or something)

When Mike was deployed the first time and his career as a pilot was crashing and burning, I literally believed that the world was crashing and burning along with it. I cannot fully explain to you the magnitude of devastation it inflicted upon our lives.

Now, two years later, as I look back, I am 100% aware that things absolutely happened the way that they were meant to.

I mean, Mike got out of the squadron that was kicking his self-esteem in the ass every day and into units that respect and value him as a Marine. He has had one extremely successful deployment since then, which ended in that bronze star I blogged about a few days ago. He is just totally, completely, and unequivocally a happier, more successful person now. And, it's all thanks to the fact that life as we knew it took a rocketship into oblivion during that first deployment.

Last weekend we attended a Hail and Farewell for his new unit. (The title is pretty self-explanatory, but it's a party where you Welcome the new people and say Goodbye to those who are leaving. It's a pretty regular occurance since in the military world there is a constant flow of people in and out of units.) It was the first non-squandron (squadron=pilots) Hail and Farewell I had ever attended, and it was hands down the most enjoyable, relaxed, unpretentious hail and farewell I've ever had the pleasure of attending. If I hadn't realized before that we are where we're supposed to be, I certainly realized it then.

And if I still didn't know it then, I definitely realized it yesterday when Mike informed me that two of our good pilot friends (the only two pilot friends who we held on to when we took an ax and completely cut ties with the entire pilot world) had just received the devastating news that they were being reassigned to a FAC tour. I have no idea what F-A-C stands for, but I do know what it means. It means 2 years of commuting to 29 Palms (see: 6 hours away!) from San Diego to train for a non-pilot related, ground deployment and then the deployment to follow.

Doesn't sound like anyone's dream come true, does it? Yeah, and these are the guys who actually stayed in the squadron. These are pilots, reassigned temporarily for the world's worst tour, completely against their own wishes.

I feel really bad about it now, but I'm not going to lie. *After I found out this wretched news, I actually did a little victory dance in my mind (I know I'm an awful person and an even worse friend. Please don't hate me for it. I feel really bad about it now, I swear I do). I know that we have been the object of our friends' pity for the past 2 years now. I realize it took those 2 years and a couple of wretched FAC tours, but I think we can all agree now that Mike and I got the better end of this stick.

Part of me wants to go back in time to two years ago when I was literally walking around in a stupor, mourning the loss of life as we knew it as though I had just buried one of my dearest friends, and slap myself out of it.

If only I had known then what I know now, I would have never wasted my time with worry, anger, or sadness. I would simply have said, "Things are happening how they are meant to happen." And I would have trusted that. And believed it. Because, it's so cliche, but so true.... what happened to us two years ago was without a doubt one of those blessings in disguise that you always hear people talking about.

And thank God for that. Seriously. Thank God!

*note: this is precisely why I have not told my friends about my blog. telling them about my blog could only end in 1 of 2 ways. 1) I would have to censor myself which would totally suck or 2) My friends would absolutely hate me forever because I failed to censor myself. neither option is the least bit appealing.

Moving On

In a lot of ways, this whole knowing that I'm not going to be teaching at my school next year thing is incredibly liberating.

This year feels really easy. Part of it, I am realizing, is that since this is my 4th year of teaching, a lot of things are simply coming easier to me. For example, though I don't ever repeat exact lesson plans every year or exact projects, I have now taught the art of writing the personal narrative 3 years in a row, so teaching it this year is an absolute breeze. That's just one example of many.

I'm completely comfortable, and though there was a part of me (I'm just going to be completely honest here) was a bit nervous when I met the new teacher and realized that I would lose the novelty of being the only young teacher, I am now realizing that she may be younger, skinnier, blonder, prettier, and more stylish than I am, but those are not the things that make the students enjoy having me as a teacher. It's been a fairly affirming experience for me.

But, I seem to have lost track of where I was going with this whole thing. You see, I set out to tell you about how freeing it is to know that I won't be teaching at my school next year. I am using the same lesson plans and projects for both 7th and 8th grade this year (knowing that I won't have the 7th graders next year in 8th grade it frees me to use the same lesson ideas, slightly modified for their different curriculum, of course), and to be completely honest, I could really care less about a lot of things. My focus is on the kids, not on the drama the teachers and administration provide, and that makes my life so much more pleasant.

At the same time, though, I've been feeling fairly sentimental about the whole thing. Last week probably 12 of my previous year's 8th graders came by to say hello to me and update me on their high school journeys. It was really awesome, but a little bit sad, too. I mean, how will this year's 8th grade class update me on their high school journey if I'm not there for them to stop by and see next year?

Also, remember how I mentioned that I, sadly, am not teaching Literature 7 this year? Today the 7th graders were lamenting this fact to me and asking me if I would be their Literature teacher next year. Hmm... I think not, but they can't know that. Not yet, anyway.

That whole conversation made me a little bit sad.

However, I do stand by my decision. I will miss the kids more than I'm sure I even realize now, but I am ready to move on.

The Military Saga Continues

Today Mike's commanding officer held a ceremony to award him with his bronze star. And, since I got home today, I've been using every means possible to shout this news from the rooftop.

I mean, if anyone deserves recognition for being a freaking awesome Marine, it's my husband. His road has certainly not been easy. He's been a trooper through it all though, and I am so very happy for him today.

This Sunday he leaves to spend a month in the-middle-of-absolutely-nowhere-Arizona training for his upcoming Afganistan deployment in April. The Unit he's with now is getting him trained for an extra special job so that no one else can steal him out from under them and make him deploy with them (apparently, I just found out, there was a possibility that some other unit deploying in February was going to steal him away). That's how awesome he is. He's so awesome he gets to spend a month in the desert.. in the middle of absolutely nowhere.. training for a deployment to Afghanistan. Gosh is he ever lucky.

I'm not looking forward to this month. Not by a long shot. In the scheme of things, I realize, it's only a month. 1/7 of what I have managed to survive twice before.

But, *ugh.

Currently I feel nothing but disdain for this month of training..... And this is precisely why I feel it necessary to not stay here during this next deployment. I've already warned my parents: I will be bringing my 2 dogs to come and live at your house after school lets out.. and for the duration. I've even hinted that they might want to consider putting up a fence; it sure would make my life easier if they would.

In any case, 1 month is do-able. I can do a month on my own. I think I can.. I think I can..

I can.

Updates

1. Vegas. What can I say? It was Vegas! I think you could spend a month there and still not see everything there is to see. If you've never been, I highly recommend you go. It's certainly an experience unlike any other. And, it really helps if you have credit card reward points to pay for your hotel, because it heps ease the guilt when you spend (what feels like) a million dollars on restaurants and gambling. The drinks, though, are free on the casino floor. Can't beat that!

2. Pool. L-0-v-i-n-g it! The color of it has actually changed a bit since my last post. Before it had this tealish color to it, but since then the water has fully seeped into the surface and the color has changed to a much deeper blue. It's absolutely gorgeous. I am certain everyone who comes to my house now will feel the pool calling their name. It just beckons you to swim.

3. School. Hmm.. Well, things with the students are going well. We're still in the honeymoon, however, I did find myself getting rather irked with them by the end of the day on Friday, so I'm thinking the honeymoon might soon be over. Positive was that a number of my last year's 8th graders have been by to visit me. I must say, as much as that class was a challenge and a pain in my butt, I miss them more than I've ever missed any other class. Weird how those things work out. Anyway, they always want to tell me about their English teacher -- one student actually thanked me for preparing him for high school. He said the writing assignments that we did in 8th grade really helped prepare him for his assignments in high school. It was pretty freaking awesome of him to say that. Maybe I'm not a total failure as a teacher, afterall. :)

4. Cars. Did I tell you? We sold our bmw m3. Buying said bmw was notably one of the biggest mistakes we've ever made. This bmw was waaaaaaaaay too expensive, it broke down regularly, and it cost a freakin fortune to repair. The worst part: it didn't even turn out to be the "dream car" that Mike had initially thought it would be. After finally being rid of it, he quietly confessed that he had never really enjoyed driving it as much as he thought he would. In any case, he convinced a Major who took over his duty station in Iraq that he should buy this car from us. Thoroughly convinced, when he got back from Iraq he took it off our hands last weekend to drive around the city and never brought it back. It was love at first sight for him. It was a huge weight lifted from our shoulders. No more ungodly expensive bmw to worry about. In its place we bought what has turned out to be Mike's actual dream car which does not include the bmw brand name or pricetag. We bought an '05 Pontiac GTO which cost us a miniscule fraction of what the bmw cost us, and truth be told we're both thrilled about it. The drive is about a thousand times smoother than the bmw, our monthly payment on it is laughable in comparison to what we were paying before, and Mike is damn near giddy about it. The best part is that I have received his sworn promise that the next car we buy will be 100% my choice. (note to self: get this in writing!)

The problem is that we're both completely car obsessed but happen to have completely opposite car tastes. Generally, I feel that my car tastes get bypassed for his, so I feel good knowing that next time if I want a Toyota Prius or VW Eos, I can get it with no ifs ands or buts from him.

Overall, life is good these days. I really have no complaints.

Flexible

I have good news: the pool is finished! And, oh man has it ever exceeded my expectations. It is absolutely gorgeous; pictures aren't quite giving it justice at this point. I have been sitting at the edge of the pool today quite a bit just absolutely mesmerized by the shimmering mosaic of colors and gorgeous ripples of the water.

I've also been sitting outside a lot today literally watching the water level rise. You see, we're filling our pool, and it's taking forever! According to the contract, the pool company started filling the pool with water as soon as they were finished, and the way it all goes is that you're not supposed to stop filling it until it's full because it will cause some kind of stain on the new surface if you do.

This presents a bit of a problem, because, well.... We're supposed to be in Vegas right now!!!!! Or, at least we're supposed to be on our way to Vegas. After weeks of planning the perfect anniversary weekend, I had no idea that the pool company would actually finish so early and throw all of my plans right out the window.

Last night, our actual anniversary, we spent in downtown San Diego at my friend's birthday party. After the party we had a hotel just down the street so that we didn't have to drive home. We were slightly late to the birthday party, though, because we spent hours staring at the pool and trying to figure out just the right water pressure so that the pool didn't overflow while we were gone (overnight) and so that it wasn't painfully unfilled when we returned home the next day. Well, the pool certainly didn't overflow while we were gone.... I wish I could say the same thing about it being painfully unfilled, though.

Thus, here we are. Waiting. For. The. Pool. To. Fill. Up. Already! You've heard that expression, "A watched pot never boils" or something like that. Yeah, that's how I currently feel. Watching that water line take its time to edge up and up the pool wall is just a teeny bit frustrating. Especially because, in case I didn't mention it enough yet, I'm supposed to be in Vegas right now.

Actually, I do believe that I deserve a gigantic pat on the back. Because, after initially finding out that the pool people were going to be finishing the pool Friday and realizing that was going to throw a gigantic curveball into all of my amazing plans, I had a bit of a temper tantrum about the whole thing. Poor Mike. His mantra for that evening was, "This is NOT my fault. You can be mad but you cannot say this is my fault." He was right. It wasn't his fault. But my frustrated this is why I never plan anything because everything I plan always backfires in my face-self needed someone to blame for the unfraying of my beautiful weekend right before my very eyes.

Except that after I threw the tantrum of the century, I basically got a grip. Ok. So we didn't get to sleep in at our beautiful San Diego hotel. So we have had to spend a few hours back at the house waiting for this pool to fill up. So maybe we will be getting to Vegas Saturday night instead of Saturday afternoon. Oh well. whatever. We still got to spend an amazing anniversary dancing the night away with one of my best friends on her birthday. We still got to stay in a beautiful San Diego hotel even if we weren't there all that long. We still get to spend our weekend in Vegas. And, to top it all off, we have this beautiful pool paradise that we've been dreaming about forever.

When all is said and done, maybe our anniversary weekend isn't panning out to be the perfect weekend that I had concocted in my mind, but it is turning out to be perfect. And, it's teaching me that after 5 years of marriage one thing that we've learned how to do really well together is be flexible!

Which leads me to one of my absolute favorite quotes of all time, "Blessed are the flexible for they will not be broken." So true.

Good Times

Let me begin by apologizing for my absence of late. It's just that I've been a tad busy.

School has begun, we're getting our pool redone, and we're doing some traveling for our upcoming 5 year anniversary this weekend.

Life in general is pretty darn exciting right now.

School is going OK. The new teacher seems great and we are becoming fast friends. She seems to be more on my wavelength than any of the other teachers, so I appreciate that more than you can imagine. The students are *excellent! I have to tell you, that first week back without the students around was downright depressing. Our school is in the midst of a financial crisis, our principal is beginning to fray at the seams, and everything was generally unpleasant. When the students showed up that first day, it was pretty much a breath of fresh air, and I remembered why I got into this business in the first place. If nothing else, I'm sucking it up and putting forth my very best effort this year because these kids deserve the best we can give them.

The pool. So! Exciting!

Though, the first day was a bit of a disaster. The guys showed up to drain the pool; they put the drain hose into our main drain and exited the scene. Luckily, Mike didn't listen to their assurance that he didn't need to be home, and took the day off. Because, not 30 minutes after the draining had begun our main drain backed up and flooded our kitchen. Good times.

This all happened on Book Day and Parents' Night at school, so I left the house at 8:00 am and didn't return home until 9:00 pm. I don't think anything could have quite prepared me for what I came home to, though.

First of all, when I opened up the garage door and walked into the backyard, the back door was open and the dogs were outside running around. There were sopping wet towels hanging all over the patio (a result of the aforementioned flooded kitchen). From the pool to the guest bathroom stretched a drainage hose which ended in the toilet. The toilet, constantly filling up with water, was flushing itself repeatedly. All the lights in the house were on, the tv was on, the front door was slightly ajar, and one of our couch cushion covers was missing. Oh yeah, and the best part of it all was that Mike wasn't home; he was at a soccer game.

Suffice to say, I nearly had a heart attack. And I started to question whether or not this whole getting the pool redone thing was such a good idea afterall.

The next day, I came home to a scene that was just as positive as the day before had been negative. The pool was about 3/4 drained at that point, so when Mike got home he got the dogs in there to play fetch. Because our pool goes from 3 ft to 9 ft, half of the pool had no water while the deep end had about 2 feet of water. I seriously believe that the dogs and Mike had the time of their lives playing in that almost empty pool. We briefly considered spending an extra $20k and adding "zero entry pool" to our makeover wish list, but then we realized we're not actually millionaires and decided against it. Maybe someday.

And today? Well, today the workers completed all of the demolition, so I can only imagine that tomorrow they'll start on the resurfacing. If you click on this website you can see what we're resurfacing our pool with. We chose the No Fear with blue accent stone. It should look pretty awesome when all is said and done.

That's not all. Friday is our 5 year anniversary, and it's also the first anniversary in 3 years that Mike won't be in Iraq. Friday also happens to be one of my best friend's birthdays, so we'll be spending Friday evening partying the night away downtown San Diego. Because neither one of us wants to drive home that night and because the dogs will already be in the kennel, we used our credit card reward points and got one of the nicest hotels in San Diego (which just so happens to also be only 2 minutes away from where the birthday party will be). After celebrating my friend's birthday and enjoying one of San Diego's finest hotels, we'll be heading to Vegas on Saturday morning for the remainder of the long weekend and to finish our anniversary celebration in style.

All in all, I expect it to be one of the best weekends of my life. No pressure or anything, though.