Tonight

I lost myself in our President elect's speech tonight. I lost myself in tears and hope and joy. I forgot where I was for a moment in time. When Barack Obama was finished speaking and after he left the stage, my siberian husky (who had been sitting on the couch with me throughout the speech) moved a little bit, and I realized then that I had left my living room during that speech. So, I stopped to look around.. wanting to savor the moment.

When I looked around, I saw an empty living room. I realized then that I had just experienced one of the most important moments in our nation's history without my husband. But, this realization did not make me sad. This realization made me even more filled with hope for the future of our country. This realization gave me an even more profound understanding of the significance of this election.. and the significance of having a President whose judgement I can trust and whose leadership I can be inspired by.

Tonight I experienced one of the most important moments in our nation's history while my husband slept in his bed thousands of miles away in a border fort on the Iraqi/Syrian border. And, tonight.. for the first time in a long, long time.. I cried tears of joy.

I am a Damn Good Military Wife

It all started with a bulletin on myspace. It was a hoax article claiming that Obama not only chooses NOT to salute the flag, but that he and his wife have attended several flag burnings. It was posted by a military girl whose fiance is in Iraq with Hubby. She and her Buddy (who is also on Hubby's Team) had been posting offensive/ignorant/racist things on their myspace pages for the past couple of months. I had ignored all of these things, while regretting deeply that I had ever friended these ladies on myspace in the first place. I knew it was best for me not to say anything.. not to rock the boat. Everyone is entitled to her own opinion.. no matter how uninformed that opinion may be.

I drew the line, however, with this bulletin. It was a flat out lie. So, I posted a comment saying as such and included a link refuting this hoax. I figured that no matter which side you're on: Obama or McCain, everyone wants to be HONEST at least, don't they? Everyone wants to know the FACTS, right?

Wrong.

What I received back from my comment was an angry message with many explitives explaining that she wasn't going to look at my stupid link, and that even if "some" of the information wasn't true in the article it didn't matter because Obama has no respect for the country or the flag. And, she gave me her two cents about what she thinks of my political opinions.

I was so mad; I was shaking. Not only had she taken things to a level of complete disrespect, but she also "did not care" that she was spreading untruths about Obama.

After calming myself, I decided to take the high road. My husband has to live and work with her fiance for the next 4 months. And, while I wish I could have deleted her message and in effect deleted HER from my life, I knew it wouldn't work like that. She is going to be part of my life for the next 4 months, too. So, I wrote back and basically explained that I absolutely respect her RIGHT to have her own political opinions, but that it's important for people to base those opinions on the policies and facts.. not fantastical stories floating around the internet. I said I don't want to make enemies of her, it won't do anyone any good, and that I think the most important thing is that we support one another, not cause each other added drama.

I felt very big and mighty. I could have sunk to her level. I could have argued the points with her. But, in this case, I knew it would do absolutely NO good.

While I chose NOT to attack her obvious support for John McCain, she chose to have the last word. She wrote back saying that I can support Obama all I want, but she just needed to tell me that Obama doesn't support my husband and therefore doesn't support me. She also felt the need to tell me that SHE supports her husband, the war in Iraq, and Bush.

And, of course, after attacking me and my standing as a good military wife, she went on to say that we'll just have to agree to disagree. And then moved on to talk "happy" talk.. as though she hadn't just attacked me on a very personal/military wife level...

Because I am not really sure what to do in response to this. Because I feel attacked as a military wife. Because I do not think I could be trusted to be respectful if I were to write back to her right now. I am writing a blog. And, to anyone who reads this blog, I want to be clear about one very important thing..just so that no one is confused. I am a GOOD military wife. No, forget that. I am an INCREDIBLE military wife.

Do I support the War in Iraq? That question does not hold an easy answer for me. Do I believe that what my husband does over there is worthwhile? Yes. I believe that what he and his Team are doing is making a positive difference in the country of Iraq. Do I think that Iraq is where we should be expending the majority of our military resources? No. I don't. I believe that we need to get out of Iraq responsibly and put our military force in the place where we should have sent them from the very beginning: Afghanistan.

Do I support George Bush? Absolutely not. I believe that he has made foolish and dangerous decisions for his country and his military.

Do I support my Husband as an Officer in the Marine Corps who is currently serving his 2nd deployment to Iraq? Yes. With every last shred of who I am, I support my husband. I support him during the difficult times, military career changes, moves across the country, two deployments to Iraq. I support him by being the strength he needs here at home so that he doesn't need to worry about what's going on HERE while he's worried about what's going on THERE. I support my military. And, I support the military families by serving as a Key Volunteer - the families' contact person for the duration of the deployment.

I even support the military families who think that I am somehow less of a wife because I choose to vote Democrat.

I am a Damn good military wife. How dare anyone ever try to insinuate otherwise.

Torn

In my last post, I mentioned that homesickness has set upon Hubby in Iraq. Yesterday things got even worse for him. As if feeling homesick wasn't enough, yesterday he had to do something in the line of duty that he had some trouble reconciling in his mind.

He found me on instant messenger and began telling me about what happened, and how it made him feel. My heart broke for him. And, halfway through the conversation his internet went down. I waited online anxiously for him to come back on to finish the conversation.

In the meantime, I was racing to get ready for a dinner I had scheduled with the ladies, feeling torn between the plans I had and wanting to wait for Hubby to return so we could finish our conversation.


By the time he came back online and we said all of our goodbyes, I was 30 minutes late leaving for dinner with the girls and also cutting an important conversation with my Husband a little bit short. I felt horrible on the inside. I hate disappointing people, and that night I disappointed everyone involved (including myself). Not only was I very late for dinner (they were waiting for me to leave for the restaurant) but I also left Hubby hanging during a time when he really needed me.

These are the times when deployments are especially hard. It's beyond difficult to feel torn between going on with life as usual at home and being there for Hubby in Iraq. You have to make difficult choices... and I'm slightly afraid that last night.. I made the wrong decision.

The regret that plagues me when I am the one who ends conversations first kills me on the inside. Or, if Hubby isn't 100% happy with me at the end of a discussion it eats at me until the next time I talk to him. There's always that fear of "what if something happens and that was our last converation" -- "will I live with regret for the rest of my life?"

I know that part of getting through this deployment successfully on my end is going on with my life. I need those dinners with my girlfriends. I need to take trips with them, have fun dinners, have a couple drinks, laugh. I need to do all of these things for my sanity. I know this. But, why do I feel so guilty when I say goodbye to Hubby and head out the door for a night of fun?

This is the life of the one left behind during a deployment.

Torn.

A Not so Great Day

Today at school for the first time all year, I felt like I was going to cry. And, It had nothing to do with a student. It was a teacher. It usually is, though. I would have the perfect job if it only involved dealing with the kids; but unfortunately, as a teacher you have to deal with the adults, too.

Boo. :(

Suffice it to say, it was a bad day..

But there was some good to it..

Hubby called today. And the phone didn't cut out halfway through the call. We talked for an entire hour. It was my lucky day.

But, there was some sad too..

Normally I see Hubby as having an indestructible mindset. But, today I realized that he's homesick.

Well, I guess I didn't realize it as much as he came right out and told me that "being in Iraq is starting to get to" him.

I told him it's too early to be homesick.. he still has 4 months to go. He said it's better now than Day 1.

True.

But, it still makes me sad.

For Now It's Candy

I'm a little bit scared to admit it, but...

I am pretty sure that this year, finally, I fully believe that I love being a teacher.

I love trying to figure out ways to reach each student. Today, for example, I had a breakthrough with a TALKATIVE 8th grader. He's the NICEST kid ever, but he CAN NOT STOP TALKING. He even talks to himself, I swear that he does. He also cannot stop moving. I imagine that he is a lot like Hubby would have been as an 8th grader. Absolutely adorable, but the kid who completely drives the teacher UP THE WALL.

Today, when he was TALKING... in a burst of frustration I said, "Victor.. what can I do to motivate you to BE QUIET?!" -- But before he was able to respond.. I had already decided on my answer.

This is a boy who lives and dies for candy. He knows I have a stash of it under my desk, and he begs for a piece of it every chance he gets.

So I said, "If you sit quietly from now until lunchtime.. and never speak unless you raise your hand and have been called on I will give you a piece of candy before you leave for lunch."

Lunch was one and a half hours away.

Do you think he opened his mouth once during that hour and a half?!

Nope. Not even once. Nothing.

He. Was. Silent.

It was amazing.

And, with a half hour to go until the end of the day (true to his form) he had struck a new deal with me. If he stayed quiet from the end of the day today all the way until lunch tomorrow, can he have another piece of candy? Why, yes, Victor, you can.

The best part? By the end of the day, I had two more talkative students who wanted to strike the same deal with me. All for the price of a simple piece of candy.

Somehow, I get the feeling that tomorrow will be a VERY quiet day for me.

As for the next day? Well, the next day I'll probably have to figure out another way to reach the Victors in 8th grade.

But, for now, it's candy.
:)

Welcome To California

Today when I got home from work I raced to front door to check my mail. This is out of the ordinary for me. Anyone who has ever sent me something will tell you that they usually have to call me and give me notice that something will be arriving at my doorstep so that I don't leave it out there for a week.

Today, however, I was excited... because I had a feeling that my California driver's license would be there. You see, I recently bit the bullet and took the CA DMV's Written test to officially become a California driver.

When I opened my mailbox, I was not disappointed when I saw an envelope from the CA DMV. I was, however, shocked to see TWO envelopes in my mailbox from the DMV. I wondered for a moment what the other envelope could be..

And then, I grimaced as a memory I had repressed came back to me. Last week, while driving home in a exhausted stupor, I made a left turn behind a BIG truck and didn't realize until I was in the intersection that the light was RED. I didn't see the usual hundred blinding flashes of the red light cameras, so I thought I got away with it.

Apparently not.

So, my friends. It appears that today, on the VERY day that I officially became a California Driver, I also officially became a Cali driver with a point on her license.

If that doesn't say, "Welcome to California" then I don't know what does.

The Difference Between a 5th grader and an 8th grader

5th Grader: Mrs. Sorry, I'm finished with my assignment. May I please study my vocabulary words until everyone else is finished?

ME: Umm.. absolutely you may study your vocbulary words. GREAT idea.

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ME: (8th Grader) Why do you have your head down?

8th grader: Because I'm FINISHED with the assignment

ME: If you're finished, why don't you take this time to study your vocabulary words?

8th grader: Do I HAVE to?

ME: Yes.

8th grader: (Loud Sigh) Fine........

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And yet, I still prefer 8th graders to 5th graders...

Does that make me crazy?