The Chaos That Controls My Mind

My title is a song lyric. It popped into my head when I finished writing this post. Can anyone name the song and/or band?

Well, I suppose that it wouldn't be quite right of me to write about my last week's heartbreak and then fall off the face of the earth.

I was completely ready to fall off the face of the earth, but not because I don't have anything to say.

It's just that everything I have to say is a jumble of confusion and chaos in my head right now and I know that even writing about it will not straighten it out.

I'm doing fine, though. Thanks for the thoughts and prayers.

I know that Michael and I will have the opportunity to make another attempt at this parenthood thing before his departure to Afghanistan in March, but I think we have both pretty much come to the conclusion that maybe it just isn't the right time.

We haven't given up; we have just decided to wait.

And my plans for his deployment are just as up-in-the-air as ever, and I am more plagued by it now than ever before.

It just seems that there should be some sign from the heavens telling me what it is I'm meant to do with my life this next year.

After the miscarriage, I had all but mentally committed myself to another year at my place of employment... until the idea made me physically naseous.

And now that I have pretty much mentally un-committed myself to another year at my place of employment, I have found myself becoming wistful about missing out on next year with the students I know and love.

I just can't seem to make up my mind about exactly what it is that I want.

But, really, in my hypothetical I can move to the East Coast for several months world, the biggest dilemma is my house. What is one supposed to do with a living, breathing, needs-to-be-taken-care-of house while abandanoning one's life on the West Coast for half a year?
I won't get started on that ordeal though because it is just a convoluted mess.

I'll figure this all out eventually, I'm sure.
But for now, I'm sure you understand why I considered falling out of blogging for a bit. No one wants to log in to hear me complain about the uncertainty and confusion of my future. So, until I have something more interesting to say.... which could be tomorrow or next week

I bid you Ado.
or is it Adieu?

hmm... well... I suppose I will just have to go with

I bid you farewell.
For now.