plea

Dear Foot,

Please heal quickly. We are exhausted from carrying your weight.

Sincerely,
Arms

Disaster Day

Well, today was a disaster.

When my alarm went off I actually said aloud, "I do NOT want to get up today."

Apparently, I knew what I was talking about. I really should not have gotten out of bed. Because, after getting ready for work, I stumbled over my own feet taking my trash out to the curb and badly sprained my foot.

At the moment it happened, I knew it hurt pretty bad, but I unrealistically thought the pain was only temporary and would go away. During my 40 minute ride to work, however, the pain only worsened. It spread from the initial point of injury to my entire foot and ankle. Pain. Pain. Pain.

I cried a few times in the car... I was very frustrated.

When I got to work I went to the secretary's office and asked her for a foot brace. She got me ice and something that resembled a brace (but was not) and immediately went to go tell the vice-principal about my injury. I made a copy and then went to see the vice-principal myself. She greeted me with, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!"

Hmm..
I went back to my classroom to make sure everything was in order for a sub... apparently I wasn't staying for long. And before the start of the school day I was back in my car headed back to my town to visit my doctor... who told me I have a bad sprain, need to use crutches and stay off my foot! She even had the nurse take me back to my car in a wheelchair. That was a first for me.

I've spent the rest of my day suffering on the couch and stumbling around with my crutches. I swear to you, if I'm clumsy enough to have hurt myself to the extent that I NEED the crutches, what makes you think I'm coordinated enough to use the crutches correctly?

Tomorrow when I go back to school I expect to roll around my classroom on my rolling desk chair and use the crutches as little as possible.

All in all, after this whole ordeal the only thing I am sure of is this: I should not have gotten out of bed this morning. No siree.

I'm Alive!

Wow.

So have I been MIA or what?

I bet all 5 of my loyal readers have been downright perturbed about my absence... or... possibly a little curious?

I don't really have much of an explanation about my absence. I just... haven't been writing. It's that simple.

I was on the East Coast for a week visiting mi familia. That was lovely. And I actually started a blog post about my adorable nephews when I got back from that trip but quit because I was writing on my mini-laptop and I generally suffer from writer's block when I use that thing. But I have my desktop computer up and running again, so here I am.

Back.

And let me tell you... my nephews are A-Dorable. I mean, you all know about Lucas and how he breaks my heart every time I am around him. He's so cute I can barely even stand it most of the time. He's definitely 4 going on 14, though.. which I hate. I want him to be a little kid forever, but he's waaaay too much of a big boy for that crap. Sometimes I call him a baby just to bug him because he ALWAYS responds with an ANGRY expression and in an even ANGRIER tone exclaims, "I'm NOT a BA-BY!"

He sure isn't.

Actually he schooled me on dinosaurs one day which was quite a humbling experience. I was trying to give him a very simple explanation and he interrupted me with facts about meteors, climate changes, and pal-en-tol-gists who dig up dinosaur bones and put them in museums. Okie Dokie. He's well on his way to beating me at Trivial Pursuit already, I see.

And Nathaniel? Or should I say, Baby Nathaniel (the REAL baby)... well, he's quite the little heartbreaker himself. Though he doesn't quite have the personality of his brother just yet, he is oh so much fun to hold and talk to. He will talk back to you if you catch him at the right moment. His baby smiles are darn cute, and I sure do miss that baby smell.

There was one thing about my East Coast visit that wasn't terribly pleasant. The pollen. I have always suffered from terrible allergies and this past visit was no picnic. I'm spoiled out here in the desert, I suppose.

In other news, the dogs and I are hanging in there. Or should I say here? I think they might be a little bit tired of hanging out with ME and only ME all the time, but they're being troopers for sure.

Mike seems to be doing well over there in Afghanistan. He is very busy which in my opinion is a good thing. My theory is that if he's busy he won't spend too much time missing home. He does seem to have high spirits, so I don't think I have much to worry about. He seems to be getting along with the other Marines and when I talk to him he cracks a lot of jokes and laughs a lot which is nice to hear. Communication hasn't been so great this deployment. He only has internet access through a couple of work computers that he shares with a bunch of other people. The time difference has us on totally different schedules.. when I'm awake, he's asleep when he's asleep, I'm awake. It'll be easier over the summer when I don't have a work schedule to work around, but for now we often have trouble catching each other online. Supposedly, he's going to be getting wifi in his room sometime in the near future, but I'm not exactly holding my breath for that one.

All in all, just about a month has gone by now and we both seem to be doing just fine. Of course, I miss his daily presence in my life, but I have grown pretty accustomed to being alone and not agonizing over his absence. This is only temporary. I did, however, send him a card recently in which I wrote, "I hope we can both agree that this will be your LAST deployment for a long time (if we have anything to say about it, that is)!!"

I'm sure he does agree.

In any case, thanks for coming back to see me even though I was gone for so long. I'll try not to do that to you again. I'm sure you must have been just agonizing over my absence. ;)

things and books

*Disclaimer: something weird is going on with my blog today and it won't allow me to use italics to properly indicate book titles. So, please don't judge me for the errors with book titles that you find below. Thank you and have a nice day.



To be perfectly honest with you, it's actually a bit frightening how easily I have slipped into the alone life again. Apparently I'm, like, a pro at it or something. After the initial shock of saying goodbye and all, I've been perfectly fine. I haven't even been concerned about crazy people stalking around the outside of my house in the nighttime hours. My dogs aren't even doing odd things like eating our couch. And, I haven't even had a teeny bit of insomnia.

I think I might be totally used to this. Weird.


In other recent news, I found out I won my sister's contest and will be handed a $50.00 Borders (or is it Barnes and Noble? oops!) giftcard when I see her over Easter. Truth be told, I feel really bad that I won it since I am her sister and all, but I know I won it fair and square and might possibly be her most loyal reader (since I check her blog repeatedly on some days in the hopes that she added something new since I last checked 10 minutes ago...) and.. where was I going with this? Oh, I wanted to tell you about how I am literally salivating over the idea of how to spend my newly acquired book money.

Speaking of books, lately my reading list has been 100% recommended by my students. I tend to trust them since they were, afterall, the ones who got me into Twilight. Recently, a few of them claimed that The Chronicles of Vladimir Tod series is better than Twilight. Well, that was a mighty bold claim indeed so I absolutely had to check that out immediately. I finished the first book, and, fellow Twihards, have no fear. Vladimir Tod has nothing on Edward and Bella. Though I have agreed to read the next few books before I pass total judgment since the students say the books only continue to get better and better. I shall see.

Other students swear by the Percy Jackson books and claim that they are better than Twilight, too. I highly doubt it, but I'll have to check those out when I'm finished with Vlad. I notice that the Percy Jackson series is one that is most frequented by 6th grade boys, so I have my doubts about its greatness. (Hmm.. that sounded wrong. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against the reading taste of 6th grade boys, I'm just saying that we don't tend to have similar interests so I can't imagine we would fall in love with the same books.. but hey, you never know!)

Another student has been begging me to read the book The Shadow Club for weeks now. I brought it home with me today and am feeling torn between getting going on it and finishing the second book in the Vladimir Tod series.

All in all, I have to say that I honestly believe that the kids today (at least the kids at my school) are reading tons more than my friends and I ever did. And I actually read. A Lot. Or, what was a lot by the standards of kids back when I was one. I honestly attribute this to the amazing selection of novels for young adults these days.

Pretty cool.

Pity Party = Cancelled

Against all odds, I actually managed to survive my first day without Michael. It's practically a miracle.

It helped a bit that instead of waking up to my alarm, I woke up to a phone call from him. He's getting good. He used to call during all weird hours of the night with no regard to my schedule. This time he actually planned it out to call me right before my alarm went off. It was quite a lovely wake-up call.

In any case, I just signed on to say that I am officially cancelling my pity party. Despite the wretchedness of yesterday, I figured it wouldn't take me long to stop moping around about it. All it really took was a few moments at work. I'm telling you, it's literally impossible to dwell on personal matters while attempting to be in control of a room of angsty teenagers.

It's time to start thinking positive.

Here goes nothing...
1 day down, just 364 to go!

D-Day

8:30 am, Monday, March 22

So D-Day has arrived. Deployment Day, that is.

Michael's alarm is set to go off at 9:00 am and at that time we have a full list of errands to run before meeting on base this evening for his late night departure to Afghanistan.

Currently, I am enjoying a few moments of peace with my computer... something I do every morning before Michael wakes up. I figure, a last few moments of normalcy before my life gets flipped upside down is a good thing.

To be quite honest, though, I haven't managed to achieve real normalcy for about a week now because my damn stomach is just filled with knots that won't go away no matter how cool, calm, and collected I appear on the outside.

I've been on the verge of tears for the past few days. I cracked for a moment this morning when my mother-in-law left a kind voicemail on my phone. Actually, I am pretty nearly sure that all that would be required to unleash my waterworks would be a hug, a light squeeze, or possibly even a kind smile. Luckily, the only person here to give me any of those things is Michael, and for some reason I'm carrying around this crazy notion that I must stay strong for him. In actuality, he might appreciate a few tears to let him know, really know how much he will be missed.. but I am just not sure I can accommodate him in that way. So maybe the strong thing isn't really for him... maybe it's for me. Who knows.

In any case, we had a good weekend. During "Hurricane Pack For Deployment" (that is another blog post for another day), Michael dug up a tape recording we had made one college evening. We had gone out to a club with friends and came back and talked about the night on the tape. It is absolutely hilarious. It was a fun way to spend our last night together... reminiscing about the past and reflecting on the present. So much has changed yet so much has stayed the same.

I imagine that a year from now when Michael returns that same statement will be true. We will both undoubtedly grow and change over the next year. But we will still be the same Michael and Sarah... in love and ready to face our next adventure together.



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8:40 pm, Monday, March 22

Ugh.
Today was undoubtedly the longest and saddest day of my life to date. I don't know why, but this deployment my emotions are running rampant. I stated above that I was going to stay strong and not cry in front of Michael.... well, that lasted all of 5 minutes.

I pretty much cried all day. Randomly. Between bursts of laughter and regular conversation I would suddenly find myself dripping wet stuff from my eyes. I wasn't sobbing or anything of the sort. It was more like a constant flow of water from my eyes, as though I had a leaky pipe.

And now he's gone.
Ugh.

My mom told me to pull over if I had to cry on my way home from dropping him off on base, but the truth of the matter is that I would never have made it home had I listened to her advice. I'm pretty sure I ran through all the stages of grief on the 20 minute ride home . I even yelled angrily at the world for a moment. I felt better afterward.

The 3 things that were the most difficult for me today were:
1) When Michael said goodbye to the dogs
2) When the bus finally pulled away
3) When I pulled into the garage and walked into the house

Actually, I'm pretty sure I traumatized my border collie. I was crying so hard when I walked in the house that he came and sat on my lap.... and he shook and shook and shook. He shook so bad I decided it was time to stop feeling sorry for myself or he was going to be emotionally disturbed for life. I tried to put on a happy face, but apparently I didn't fool him because just a few minutes later I found him curled into a ball underneath our bed.. that's his hiding place and it's not easy for him to get in there so he must've really wanted to get away from me. Poor guy.

So that was my day. It f-ing blew. But tomorrow I will wake up and it will be a new day. I look forward to tomorrow.

Tick Tock, Tick Tock, Tick Tock

For the 2nd time this week, I compared the countdown to deployment to the countdown of a death row inmate. I was telling Michael to plan his meals carefully since they will be his last... we laughed about it. Then, he commiserated with the death row inmate saying he knows why they're so calm when they take those final steps to their death; they have been waiting around so long with this death thing over their heads they just want to get on with it already. It's the same for deployment. It was one of our more interesting (odd?) conversations, I'll give you that.

As much as we are pros at this whole thing, clearly this process never gets easy. I'm at the point now that I want him to stay, but at the same time just want to get this whole saying goodbye thing over with already because the anticipation of it is absolutely dreadful.

When I feel myself drowning in a cloud of depression I catch myself and drag myself back out. Yes, this year will be lonely. Yes, life without Michael is no fun whatsoever. Yes, it exhausts me just thinking of keeping up with the house, yard, pool, bills, trash, dogs, and cars alone. But, yes, I can do it. I am mighty woman. Hear me roar!

Or something like that.

I went through a little phase last weekend where I was an emotional wreck. I had a not-so-great evening with Michael and friends and the next day I had my first ever awful parent-teacher conference. Awful, as in, I got yelled at by a mother and was too rattled by the experience to defend myself properly. Luckily, my principal was there and stepped in on my behalf. Afterwards, I felt terrible for all the complaining I have done about my principal. She sure saved my butt that day. In any case, all that drama in such a short period of time added to the fact that the clock is ticking on Michael's departure, and I was a bit of an emotional train wreck. I actually cried in front of some of my co-workers which is a first and hopefully a last for me. I. Do. Not. Like. Crying. In. Front. Of. People. Especially not people I work with!

My next post will more than likely be some sort of picture of Michael with all of his gear heading off to Afghanistan. If you are the praying sort of person, do me a favor and keep us (but mostly him) in your prayers. Pray for his quick and safe return. And if you have an extra moment pray for my sanity, too.

Thanks, I do appreciate it.