Everything I Know about Iraq, I learned from....

Little People, Big World

This season's premiere episode had the father of the family Matt Roloff going to Iraq to visit a family of Iraqi children who are dwarfs. It was the most captivating thing for me to watch; because, for the FIRST time I actually was able to SEE what Iraq is like... from Matt Roloff's perspective. It was captivating.. and unnerving. There were many times in the episode where Matt was clearly fearful and uncomfortable. It's a different world over there. It's NOT safe. Most of the time, I let myself forget about these things that I KNOW (deep down) to be true. It's often hard for me to understand what it is REALLY like over there for Hubby; because, he never acts as though anything strange is happening in his life. He doesn't complain about the conditions.. or being nervous.. or anything at all, really. When I talk to him, he is the same Hubby as always.. more interested in talking about his favorite video game than anything else.

The OTHER interesting thing about watching Little People, Big World was how I felt while I was watching it. Matt Roloff was away from his family in Iraq for about a week's time. During that time, it shows his wife, almost in tears and very stressed out/worried the majority of the time he is gone. While I was watching, I started to feel ANGRY. I kept thinking: how dare she be so distraught! He's only gone for a week!! And, not only that, but her husband might be IN a dangerous place, but HE is not the one forced to go on the dangerous MISSIONS.

I was kind of surprised at myself for feeling this way. Logically, I know that his family rightfully SHOULD feel nervous/distressed about the time he spent in the war-torn country of Iraq.

What I figured out is that I guess, in the end, even though I might deny it repeatedly... part of me seeks a little bit of acknowledgement for what I go through on a daily basis. Why does Amy Roloff get the opportunity to become teary-eyed when SHE misses a phone call from her husband? Why is Amy Roloff the one with the opportunity to explain on camera to thousands of viewers what it feels like to be afraid that HER husband isn't going to come home? Why don't I get to be the one to share MY story with the world.

But, then again, the majority of me really seeks to stay among the shadows. Because, acknowledgement of what I go through might make it all a little too real. And, the truth of the matter is that I prefer to live in my own little world of denial. Sure, it was eye opening to see first hand what it's really like in Iraq when I watched Matt Roloff's journey. But, in my mind, I haven't ever really placed Hubby anywhere physically. I don't try to imagine what his sleeping area looks like. Or what it's like for him when he goes out on convoys in his 7 ton. I try not to think about the weather. Or the sand. The stress. Or the danger. All I know is that when I chat with Hubby online.. or on the phone.. he's the same person he was when he left and, for the most part, he seems to be doing OK.

That's all I really need to know.

And me?

Well, despite the fact that I spilled RED crystal light fruit punch all over my computer room carpet today, and despite the fact that the Santa Ana winds have blown every leaf and speck of dirt in a 3 mile radius into my pool over the past 24 hours...

I'm hanging in there.

Contemplation

Have you ever wondered what the worst thing about having Hubby deployed is? It's having Hubby gone during the month of October... when I'm deathly afraid of Scary Movies. I remember this from last deployment, and sadly, here I am again.. my 2nd October in a row.. being subjected to the thousands of previews for scary movies that play over and over and over and over for the duration of the month! Woe is me!

But, on a more serious note... This Friday evening while getting my fill of girly shows/movies (Grey's Anatomy and The Sex in the City movie) I had some time to contemplate my situation. To be very specific.. I had some time to contemplate my situation.. and how much it sucks.

Sometimes when I sit back and REALLY THINK about it, I am amazed by myself. Amazed that I am somehow able to spend the vast majority of my time convincing myself that life is just fine and dandy. I am extremely content when I've been able to spend ten minutes chatting with Hubby online that day. I revel in a short email. It's practically Christmas when I get a phone call. And webcam time? I might as well have won the lottery!

It's better that I don't spend too much time watching sappy movies that make my heart ache. Yes, it's true, I need my Grey's fix once a week; because, seriously... the tears I shed during that show are downright therapeautic. But going around telling myself how crappy things are all the time? What good would that do me?

None.

Which is why I spend most of my time enjoying the moments I get to spend with Hubby via technology, and making light humored jokes such as "the worst thing about having Hubby gone on deployment is having him gone during the month of October". I guess I just don't know how I'd function otherwise..

By the way, did I mention the BEST thing about having Hubby gone on deployment? Full reign on the tv. Now THAT's something to get excited about.

:)

Things

It seems like I've lost my groove with posting these blogs. It's not for lack of material, it's actually for lack of ability to put my thoughts into words.

I've recently considered blogging about many different things.. I just haven't done it. So, I think I'm just going to list all of the topics I've considered blogging about over the last few days.

1) The writing prompt one of my 8th graders shared with the entire class. The prompt? Something that makes me laugh is..... His answer? Mrs. (Sorry's) facial expressions. He then went on to go into great detail about 3 of my common expressions. There was the exaggerated frown, The worried expression where I show my teeth, and the "I'm upset" face that does not just involve my facial features but also involves my shoulders raising and the subsequent disappearance of my neck. He had everyone in the classroom in hysterics (including me!) And, now every time I make one of these expressions I laugh on the inside, because while I've always known that I make funny faces, I've never realized how thoroughly these faces have been studied by my students.

2) THIS WRETCHED HEAT! Miserably, it has been in the HIGH 90's on and off for the past TWO weeks. I'm wondering why the weather God's of San Diego haven't yet realized that not only is this SAN DIEGO (and it's just NOT supposed to get that hot here), but it's also OCTOBER!! I mean, HELLO, I have never so desired wearing long sleeves and sweaters in my life.

3) The two month landmark in Hubby's deployment has come and gone. I'm feeling full of strength and independence, but unfortunately, I am realizing that time is truly beginning to slow to a crawl. The slowing down of time thing might have a little something to do with the fact that Hubby has been a little grumpy lately. I knew that his perfect disposition couldn't last forever in that sandy hell-hole he calls a home, I just hope that his spirits bounce back a bit and he won't be a grump for the duration of the next 5 months. :(

(4) The Santa Anas are picking up (that's the reason for this unbearable heat) and the newscasters are talking about chances of fires breaking out. I'm blocking any and all fire talk from my ears, because I don't even want to THINK about a repeat of last year.

Seriously.

Oh yeah, and one more thing!

(5) Remember my post about The True Confessions of Charlotte Doyle? Well, today after school one of the 7th graders (a boy, no less) told me that he finished the book (ahead of schedule) and liked is SO MUCH that he's trying to convince his MOM to read it. Ok. seriously. It doesn't get much cooler than that.

And that, my friends, is all she wrote! (for today anyway)

:)

Mourning Our Youth

Last night I went out to dinner with four of my friends and it was a monumental evening for our friendship. Let me explain.

It began when we all showed up for the evening wearing black. When we arrived at Benihanas (a Japanese Hibachi place), we immediately noticed a group of 4 young(er), crazy(er), girls waiting at the bar for their table. One of my friends (knowing that Benihana pairs you up with another group to sit around the Hibachi table) made the comment, "Oh God, please don't let us be paired up with them for dinner." I think we were cursed, because of course, when our beeper went off, so did theirs.

When we sat down, the first thing the crazy(er), young(er) girls asked us was if we had planned to dress the same. We were a little embarassed, and one of my friends said, "no, we're just all in mourning". And, I said, "Mourning our Youth, that is"

Mourning our Youth quickly became the theme of the night.

The first thirty minutes of the dinner were slightly foreboding. The girls we were with were 21 and out to HAVE A GOOD TIME. They chided us for ordering wine to drink (instead of liquor like them), and they basically annoyed us with their loud yelling and crazy "wooing". But, like I said, that only lasted for the first thirty minutes.

Because, after those 30 minutes went by, those young(er), crazy(er) girls mysteriously disappeared to the bathroom. One among their ranks was having trouble holding her "liquor", so we spent the rest of our dinner alone at our table to enjoy our food, our wine, and our good company.

At some point, someone brought up the idea of starting a book club. And, someone else mentioned that book clubs made her feel "old", at which point our mantra for the night "mourning our youth" came up once again.

It was quickly decided that not only would we start a book club, but we would title ourselves none other than Mourning our Youth (MOY for short), and it would be required that we wear black to every meeting.

By the time we were ready to get up and leave the restaurant we realized that we had outlasted those YOUNG(ER) girls, and spent the majority of our evening laughing harder than any of us could remember laughing in quite some time.

It was a monumental evening, because I think we realized that even though we might be getting a little older than we feel comfortable with, Mourning Our Youth is just an ironic title, because really, our best years have just begun.

teenagers who actually LIKE to read?!

I think I hit the jackpot today while teaching Literature to 7th graders. We're reading The True Confessions of Charlotte Doyle which is one of my absolte favorite books by one of my absolute favorite authors Avi.

At the end of class, we read a couple of pages together from Chapter 9. It was time for class to be over, so I said we had to stop reading. And.. (here's the kicker) the students GROANED!!! They said in unison (or as close as 24 7th graders can come to unison), "awwwwww, can't we keep reading?!"

I laughed and said, "Sorry, class is over, but your homework is to finish the chapter so you can finish it at home" to which one of the 7th grade BOYS responded, "I really like it and I want to know what happens next, but I get SCARED reading it at home"

Of course, I did what any rational teacher would do. I told him to read the book in the living room while his mom was in there. :)

Ha Ha.

It IS a pretty scary book. I told them it was a little scary before we started reading it. I don't think they believed me, though. :)

Speaking of good books.. scary books.. and teenagers, I recently discovered the novel Twilight which came HIGHLY recommended by a vast majority of my students. It seems to be the new Harry Potter in that it has quite a cult following. I started reading it this week and at this very moment can't WAIT to continue where I left off last night.

Suffice it to say that this week has been a GOOD week for teenagers and literacy. Atleast it's been a good week for literacy at MY school. :)

the OPPOSTIVE of Type A - that's ME!

Yesterday at lunch with my fellow teachers, I realized something that I pretty much already knew (on some level). All of the teachers were talking about their Type A (everything needs to be in its place and MUST be perfect) personalities. They were speaking in reference to their homes. I was the only person in that room to claim that I am, indeed, messy. And, to ease the expressions of horror on their faces when I said it, I had to follow my statement with the quip, "I used to think it was my HUSBAND who was messy... and then he deployed.... and I realized my house was STILL messy" -- They laughed at this.. albeit.. a little uneasily.

I'm a strange phenomenon to these people. And, the funny thing is, when they "imagine" my messy house I'm sure they just picture some items out of place and shoes on the floor instead of in the closet. Ha! Ha! Ha! I laugh at the mere thought of this. If you want to know what REAL messy is.. step into my house in the middle of a workweek. I guarantee you'll turn right around and hightail it out of there! Especially if you're one of those TYPE A - I-put-my-dish-towels-in-exactly-the-same-place-every-day-and-know-if-someone-has-moved-them-an-inch people (as one of the teachers says she is).

Speaking of messy houses. I have resolved to myself that I WILL clean this weekend, no matter how much I hate it.

And, while I'm on the topic of weekends, I was just now thinking that weekend seem so much longer when Hubby is not here. Is this a good thing or a bad thing?

I can't be sure. Probably a little of both.

So Looneely

For an anniversary present, my mother-in-law paid for me to get a facial. And, the esthetician did such a good job of convincing me that because of the facts that

a) I am caucasion (she is a 48 Korean woman who looks like she's 30 -- seriously)and
b) I have VERY dry skin

if I don't do something about my skin, I will one day look in the mirror and find a wrinkly prune staring back at me.

I think it was a combination of the facts that a) she's a convincing saleswoman and b) I had already been thinking these same thoughts myself... that caused me to pre-purchase a package of 5 facials for the next 5 months. It was my anniversary present... to myself.

Today, while enjoying my 2nd facial (first of my five) it came into the conversation that my husband is deployed. When I told Annie (my esthetician) that Hubby is deployed, she did not skip a beat.

"Oh," she said, "but your in-laws live in San Diego, right?"

Me: "Um, no, actually they live Maryland part of the year and Florida part of the year"

Annie: "Oh. Well, your family lives here, right?"

Me: (Pause)

Annie: "Parents? Sister? Brother? Aunts? Uncles? Cousins?"

Me: Um. No, actually my family all lives on the East Coast.. my parents live in Pennsylvania"

Annie: (Stopping what she's doing) You're from Pennsylvania?!

Me: yes

Annie: "Oh SARAH... YOU SO Looneely!!"

Me: awkard laugh

Annie: "But, you have friends here...... right?"

Me: "Yes... I have friends"

And, thank God for friends. And my dogs. And technology that makes Hubby in Iraq and my family on the East coast not seem so very far away. And yes.. I'm saying it.. thank God for work.

Because without all of these things, Annie would probably be right. I probably would be "So Loooneely".

But, just today, after returning home from my facial (skin softer than a baby's bottom.. thank you, Annie!) I spent my afternoon chatting with Hubby online and even following him around the fantasy world of a computer game we play together online sometimes.

So. No. I'm not so lonely, afterall.