I will Survive

Ever since I found out I was pregnant and that my two little ones were going to be a little less than two years apart in age, I have had many worries/concerns about the logistics of taking care of two little people so close in age.

Over the months, I have run into many people whose children were close in age, and I have always been sure to ask them how they managed it/how it has gone for them/what their struggles have been.  Almost without fail, people have given me a glazed over answer of, "Oh, it hasn't been too bad. (insert name here) is a great big (brother/sister)." and so on and so forth.

Every time I receive one of these answers, quite frankly, I have been pretty shocked.

Today, though? Today, I think I got the first real honest answer of bunch. Maybe it was because this particular mom has TWO boys (and let's face it - toddler boys are just a little bit more difficult to wrangle than toddler girls) or maybe it's because the little one is still very little, so her struggles continue to this day and/or are very fresh in her mind.  Whatever the reason, SHE gave voice to all of my worries. 

"It's been hard because *Caleb wants me to hold him a lot, and I just can't do it most of the time."
"Caleb has gotten extra needy of my attention."

"Just the logistics of going places with two little ones is daunting. I can't run after Caleb like before, so I have to trust him to stay near me/hold my hand/stay out of trouble/etc"

These are all my concerns. Rather than getting more independent since the beginning of my pregnancy, Sawyer has gotten much more needy. Especially at home. Especially when I'm busy doing something. When we are out and about he will still decide out of seemingly nowhere to dart off in a completely different direction and will not listen to voice commands to STOP. TURN AROUND. COME BACK. Forcing me to chase after him. If I want to get up or down the stairs in our house in less than 10 minutes, I really have to carry him. Sawyer likes to stop every few steps and take a seat or pick at an invisible speck of something he spies on the way. He tries to bring 10 toys up or down the steps with him. Basically, he's on Sawyer's time schedule which is fine and lovely, but oh-so-not-convenient when a newborn baby becomes part of the picture.

I know that I am going to figure out how to deal with all of these hurdles when the time comes. Sawyer will have to adapt more than even I want him to have to. But he will. And I will. We will get through it. Just as this mom has done. Clearly, she is doing alright since she was out of her house and at a play group by 10:15 am that morning with a 2.5 year old and a 5 month old in tow. She even had a matching outfit on, her hair combed nicely, and I do believe I spied a bit of make-up on her face as well.

She has managed and figured it out and is not as war-torn as I might have imagined. So maybe she could have told me, "Oh, it hasn't been so bad." But instead, she was completely honest, and for that, I am truly appreciative. This way, when I struggle and strain through those early days with two little ones, I will know that I am not the only one. That it really is tough, and I'm allowed to admit that it is and say it out loud. I won't feel the need to put on a happy face and pretend that it's all so much easier than I had anticipated. It will be what it will be, and what it will be is pretty freaking hard... but I will survive.

There will come a day when another pregnant mother will see me out of the house at a decent hour, with two little ones in tow, my hair washed and brushed and a little bit of make-up on my face. And when she asks me how I've managed I will be sure to tell her the whole truth... and hopefully she will find comfort in the knowledge that though it has been tough I have survived just as she will.