Saturday, September 13, 2008

Heartbroken

I am currently heartbroken.

No, not over my husband.... over my 2 and a half year old nephew.

When I am around him, there's no better description than to say he breaks my heart.

I don't know if I can have kids; because, I don't know if I can handle loving someone so much that my heart feels like it's going to explode.

I don't know if I can handle watching my child being ignored by the older kids on the playground, missing me when I walk out the door, growing up in THIS world.

I mean, I have serious turmoil and heartache about putting my dogs in the kennel for a week. I worry about them when I'm at work. Now.. imagine me with a kid?

Today I babysat my nephew all day (a first) by myself. And, I think I realized that I am going to be one of those hovering, worried-all-the-time parents.

But, I will also laugh and smile more than I probably ever have. And.. my heart will break a thousand times over.

That's just how it will be.

1 comment:

Aimee @ Smiling Mama said...

He's so lucky to have you as an awesome aunt and your future kids will be lucky to have you, too!