Last night I dropped my husband off at the airport for a week of fun on the East Coast with his life-long best friend before I join him for Christmas with my family in Pennsylvania. It was a strange thing, dropping him off for a week. I was sad to see him go, and though you might think that after a seven month deployment a week on my own would be no sweat, that isn't really the case. It's not the being alone part that bugs me. It's the DOING EVERYTHING alone part that is getting to me. I had a hard time agreeing to my husband's plans... not because I would miss him unbearably for the week that he was gone.. but.. because I was TIRED of doing things on my own. I've already dealt with taking my dogs to the kennel on my own, preparing the house for a long departure, and driving to the airport by myself to get on a plane. Now that my husband is finally on the same continent as me, I'd like for him to help me out with these burdens. But, alas, wanting my husband to take the dogs to the kennel with me is a poor reason not to let him enjoy a week with his best friend.. so off he went.
This Christmas I find myself more excited than usual. There is a lot to celebrate this year. Things are going really well for me as a teacher.. I have grown leaps and bounds since last year in my understanding and relationship with the students. Michael is finally home, and I know that I am so blessed to be spending the holidays with him. My nephew is getting bigger and cuter by the second, and I just absolutely cannot wait to spend time with him and let him entertain me! And, most importantly, my mom is strong and well and the Christmas of last year seems like a foggy memory these days.
Last Christmas was a tough one. My mom had told me on the phone a few weeks before that she had found a mysterious lump and was having it checked. My parents picked us up from the airport on Christmas eve, and in the car on the way home my mom told us that her suspicious lump was indeed cancer. It was a difficult thing to digest at first. Christmas was a sad and scary time. My mom was noticably upset/worried/shaken. It was good for the family to be together, and in our own way, it was a very special Christmas, one that I'm sure none of us will soon forget. The moment when reality really sunk in, though, was when a family friend who is an oncologist stopped by to talk to my mom about what to expect. The "immediate" family sat in on the talk.. (actually, in retrospect, I think that my brother chose not to be there). I was shocked when he said that because of the chemo she would lose her hair. Not that losing hair is even nearly as bad as having cancer, but I guess that physical representation of the disease struck me and helped it to really become "real". The night before Hubby and I got on the plane to fly back to San Diego, I went to bed early and cried.... and cried.... and cried... and cried.....and cried................. and cried.... (i think you get the picture). The tears just wouldn't stop coming. I'm not sure I've ever cried for so long before. I just couldn't stop. I think Hubby was a little freaked out by it because there was nothing he could do. I would seem to calm down, but any show of affection from him set me off into even bigger sobs. It's always hard for me to leave home, but last year in particular, I felt so incredibly guilty about leaving.
This year, we have my mom's restored health to celebrate. Whereas last year Christmas was a unifying, strenghtening experience for our family. This year, I hope it will be unifying in a more joyous way.
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