Military Sneak Attacks

No matter how prepared you THINK you are, you're never prepared enough... especially for something like your husband's deployment to Iraq. I thought I was prepared. I thought I was fine. And then, I was driving in to work last Sunday to tie up some loose ends at school before the week started, when I started thinking about the going away party I wanted to have for him, and before I knew it I was crying. It's official. I've had my first pre-deployment cry. Which means: it's official, my husband actually IS deploying, and I actually DO realize it on some level or another.

Beyond that, I really thought I was rough, tough, and this 2nd deployment was going to be no sweat. In my strange, deluded mind, I truly believed that. I believed that, until my husband checked in for his training and came home with a schedule of what the next few months of his (aka OUR) life will look like. While looking at it, I got irrationally angry. I was annoyed at hubby, at the dogs, at the garage door. I was tired, grumpy, nothing was going right. I shed an angry tear over the fact that my husband would be AWAY training while I was AWAY with my students at their 8th grade camp and my dogs would have to be AWAY in the kennel. I was walking in a cloud of rage for no apparently reason when I realized that I'm not really the maniacal woman I was pretending to be. I'm really just a woman who is grieving over the impending loss of normalcy as I know it.

Then I thought about it. When Hubby gets back from THIS 2nd deployment, it will be almost exactly two years since he left on his FIRST deployment. I did some quick calculations in my head and realized that by this time next year Hubby will have been in Iraq 14 of 24 months and home only 10.

I thought I was going to be fully prepared for this 2nd deployment. I thought I would look this deployment square in the eye and laugh in its face. And, maybe I will. But first, I have to recover from the FACT that this deployment is pulling sneak attacks on me. It's sneaking up on me because I've barely had time to accustom myself to life WITH my husband before I am having to prepare myself for life WITHOUT him once more.

How NOT to Parent

As a two year teacher who just survived parent teacher conferences, and despite the fact that I do not have any children of my own, I feel certain that I could write a best selling book called How NOT to Parent.

Rule # 1: NEVER tell your child that he/she ALWAYS disappoints you. I would assume that this one was rather self-explanatory, but apparently not considering the amount of parents who made this statement to their children after seeing a less than satisfactory report card during parent teacher conferences.

Rule # 2: Do NOT be the parent who questions what the teacher is telling you because your child has told you differently. Of COURSE your child is telling you differently!! He/She is DESPERATELY afraid of losing his/her IPOD/XBOX/LAPTOP/IPHONE and would say and do anything to keep them!

Rule # 3: Do NOT be the parent who asks the teacher what you should do about your child's behavior problems. If YOU as the parent can't figure your kid out then that's 75% of your kid's problem in the first place. A Teacher can do many things, but he/she cannot teach you how to be a competent parent.

Rule # 4: Do NOT be the parent who allows your child to have a tv/cell phone/computer in his/her room and then complains that he/she does not do his/her homework when he/she is supposed to. OF COURSE your child isn't doing his/her homework. TV/CELL PHONES/COMPUTERS are WAY more fun than homework!!

Rule # 5: Do NOT be the parent who walks into the parent teacher conference and has no idea what subject the teacher teaches or what his/her name is. Come on people. Have you no shame?!

If you follow these rules very closely, you will be an expert in how NOT to parent. How TO parent is another matter indeed. I guess I'll figure that one out for myself when I have some kids of my own.

:)

Wake Up Call!

I really hate to say it, but I might be turning into one of those people that I hated in high school. You know, the ones who freaked out before every test and cried about how they were going to fail. And then, of course, they would get an A and act shocked about it. Those people made me want to puke.

And, I'm afraid.. I might be one of those people.. only worse. I might be one of those people in my WORKING world.

You see, my Fine Arts Performance today was a HIT. I was actually embarassed by the compliments that were being sent my way by fellow teachers. Their compliments made me reevaulate the performance; because, truthfully... I didn't think it was very good. And, anyone who knows me will tell you I'm not a perfectionist. So, something just isn't adding up here.

After today, the only thing that I know for sure is that I am going to have to come to grips with the idea that I might be one of those "I'M GOING TO FAIL" people that I rolled my eyes at in high school. *shudder*

Is it possible that those people truly believed that they would fail? I mean, I always knew they were full of shit and that they'd pass with flying colors. I assumed they knew the same but were putting on some big show for attention. But, with my recent experiences, I am beginning to think that maybe they really DID believe they would fail. Just like I REALLY DID believe my performances were going to flop BIG TIME.

Crazy.

A Visitor!

My brother's plane lands in the San Diego airport in just a few short hours! Yay! I am so excited for his visit.

He has actually never had the opportunity to visit me in any of the places I have lived.. and on top of that this will be his first time in California. So, I figure it will be a fun visit.

I feel proud any time someone gets to see my life for the first time. When I look around, I know that I am blessed with so many amazing things that I sometimes take for granted; so, it's nice to see my life from someone else's perspective every now and then.

Although, I don't expect a lot of compliments or groveling from my brother. I already warned my husband not to be offended if instead of complimenting, my brother teases us about everything. Teasing is just the way that my brother, my dad, and I share affection. :)

I do have to say, though, that I am sore and aching from the HOURS of crazy maniacal cleaning I did yesterday, and I can't help but realize deep down that my labors could not be LESS appreciated than they will be by my brother. Of all the people I know, I'm sure that he wouldn't think twice if the dishes were piled up and I had huge piles of laundry on my bedroom floor. Believe me, I grew up with the boy.. I've seen his bedroom! .....And.. he's seen mine.. which is why my labors may not go unappreciated afterall! I'm sure he'll be shocked to see that I actually have a CLEAN house!

Knowing my brother, our first stop will be food! I've decided that his first meal will either be the notorious In-n-out Burger or Rubios Fish Tacos! Either one sounds good to me!

Also on our itinerary is: (in no particular order)
- La Jolla
- Old Town (for some great authentic Mexican food!)
- The San Diego Zoo

Other than that, we'll just play it by ear!

Go Figure

During the week, I wake up at the ungodly hour of 5:30 am. It is always extremely difficult for me to pry myself out of bed and get in the shower. Suffice it to say, I HATE mornings, and I can't stand having to get out of bed when it is still dark.

Oddly, however, this I'm on my Spring Break right now, and when my husband's alarm went off this morning at 5:20 I was wide awake. I tried to roll over and go back to sleep, but my body wasn't having it. So, I decided to read my book and figured I would get tired eventually and want to fall back to sleep. No such luck. Hmm. So, here I am at 6:30 am on my VACATION wide awake and ready to get to work on cleaning my house.

Life is strange like that. I actually have the chance to sleep in and am finding it impossible to do so. Go figure.

:)

time is precious

Last night our friends called us to hang out with them. But, we didn't go. At this point, I almost dread getting these invitations so often to hang out; because, 5 out of 10 times, we don't go. It's not that we don't enjoy hanging out with our friends, it's just that we REALLY enjoy hanging out with each other.

I think that the life we are leading right now puts everything into a unique perspective for us. We are only now just recovering from a 7 months separation, and already we are preparing for another 7 month separation. So, you see, it's not that we don't like hanging out with other people, it's just that right now.. our time is precious. We do what we WANT to do, not what we feel we SHOULD do.

I hope no one resents us for it.

That's just the way it is.

The Witch Fires Revisited

These days the San Diego wildfires of October seem like a distant memory. In fact, after 3 days of the greatest terror I have ever experienced, being displaced from my home, and living in fear that my home might be destroyed it was strange to come home to a house that was completely intact. With my butt planted on the couch at my friend's house in La Jolla for 72 hours and watching nothing but the news, there was a brief period where it seemed as though hell had reigned on the earth. It appeared to me as though all of San Diego was going up in flames.

So, you can imagine my surprise then, to find out that not only was my house still standing when I got home but that I had no idea where these elusive fires had been since there were no signs of singed trees or burnt houses anywhere I went.

Well, today, while visiting a nearby lake for the first time with my husband, I finally spotted proof that the fires had really occurred. And that, indeed, they were not far from my home.

Hubby and I were hiking along a trail with my dogs when he said, "Well, at least we finally get to see where the fires were."

I looked around me and said, "Where?!" --

Silly me. there were singed trees and burnt rocks all around me. How did I not even notice?

But it was beautiful. Barren black trees, still standing with the green of the new bushes and shrubberry growing up around them. Speaking of the Resurrection.. what greater image of resurrection than this?

Today on my way home from our hike, I decided that no place I ever live will ever match up to the beauty of San Diego. We have the most beautiful oceans, lakes, mountains, and deserts all in one place. Who could ask for more.