Little People, Big World
This season's premiere episode had the father of the family Matt Roloff going to Iraq to visit a family of Iraqi children who are dwarfs. It was the most captivating thing for me to watch; because, for the FIRST time I actually was able to SEE what Iraq is like... from Matt Roloff's perspective. It was captivating.. and unnerving. There were many times in the episode where Matt was clearly fearful and uncomfortable. It's a different world over there. It's NOT safe. Most of the time, I let myself forget about these things that I KNOW (deep down) to be true. It's often hard for me to understand what it is REALLY like over there for Hubby; because, he never acts as though anything strange is happening in his life. He doesn't complain about the conditions.. or being nervous.. or anything at all, really. When I talk to him, he is the same Hubby as always.. more interested in talking about his favorite video game than anything else.
The OTHER interesting thing about watching Little People, Big World was how I felt while I was watching it. Matt Roloff was away from his family in Iraq for about a week's time. During that time, it shows his wife, almost in tears and very stressed out/worried the majority of the time he is gone. While I was watching, I started to feel ANGRY. I kept thinking: how dare she be so distraught! He's only gone for a week!! And, not only that, but her husband might be IN a dangerous place, but HE is not the one forced to go on the dangerous MISSIONS.
I was kind of surprised at myself for feeling this way. Logically, I know that his family rightfully SHOULD feel nervous/distressed about the time he spent in the war-torn country of Iraq.
What I figured out is that I guess, in the end, even though I might deny it repeatedly... part of me seeks a little bit of acknowledgement for what I go through on a daily basis. Why does Amy Roloff get the opportunity to become teary-eyed when SHE misses a phone call from her husband? Why is Amy Roloff the one with the opportunity to explain on camera to thousands of viewers what it feels like to be afraid that HER husband isn't going to come home? Why don't I get to be the one to share MY story with the world.
But, then again, the majority of me really seeks to stay among the shadows. Because, acknowledgement of what I go through might make it all a little too real. And, the truth of the matter is that I prefer to live in my own little world of denial. Sure, it was eye opening to see first hand what it's really like in Iraq when I watched Matt Roloff's journey. But, in my mind, I haven't ever really placed Hubby anywhere physically. I don't try to imagine what his sleeping area looks like. Or what it's like for him when he goes out on convoys in his 7 ton. I try not to think about the weather. Or the sand. The stress. Or the danger. All I know is that when I chat with Hubby online.. or on the phone.. he's the same person he was when he left and, for the most part, he seems to be doing OK.
That's all I really need to know.
And me?
Well, despite the fact that I spilled RED crystal light fruit punch all over my computer room carpet today, and despite the fact that the Santa Ana winds have blown every leaf and speck of dirt in a 3 mile radius into my pool over the past 24 hours...
I'm hanging in there.
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