I am a Damn Good Military Wife

It all started with a bulletin on myspace. It was a hoax article claiming that Obama not only chooses NOT to salute the flag, but that he and his wife have attended several flag burnings. It was posted by a military girl whose fiance is in Iraq with Hubby. She and her Buddy (who is also on Hubby's Team) had been posting offensive/ignorant/racist things on their myspace pages for the past couple of months. I had ignored all of these things, while regretting deeply that I had ever friended these ladies on myspace in the first place. I knew it was best for me not to say anything.. not to rock the boat. Everyone is entitled to her own opinion.. no matter how uninformed that opinion may be.

I drew the line, however, with this bulletin. It was a flat out lie. So, I posted a comment saying as such and included a link refuting this hoax. I figured that no matter which side you're on: Obama or McCain, everyone wants to be HONEST at least, don't they? Everyone wants to know the FACTS, right?

Wrong.

What I received back from my comment was an angry message with many explitives explaining that she wasn't going to look at my stupid link, and that even if "some" of the information wasn't true in the article it didn't matter because Obama has no respect for the country or the flag. And, she gave me her two cents about what she thinks of my political opinions.

I was so mad; I was shaking. Not only had she taken things to a level of complete disrespect, but she also "did not care" that she was spreading untruths about Obama.

After calming myself, I decided to take the high road. My husband has to live and work with her fiance for the next 4 months. And, while I wish I could have deleted her message and in effect deleted HER from my life, I knew it wouldn't work like that. She is going to be part of my life for the next 4 months, too. So, I wrote back and basically explained that I absolutely respect her RIGHT to have her own political opinions, but that it's important for people to base those opinions on the policies and facts.. not fantastical stories floating around the internet. I said I don't want to make enemies of her, it won't do anyone any good, and that I think the most important thing is that we support one another, not cause each other added drama.

I felt very big and mighty. I could have sunk to her level. I could have argued the points with her. But, in this case, I knew it would do absolutely NO good.

While I chose NOT to attack her obvious support for John McCain, she chose to have the last word. She wrote back saying that I can support Obama all I want, but she just needed to tell me that Obama doesn't support my husband and therefore doesn't support me. She also felt the need to tell me that SHE supports her husband, the war in Iraq, and Bush.

And, of course, after attacking me and my standing as a good military wife, she went on to say that we'll just have to agree to disagree. And then moved on to talk "happy" talk.. as though she hadn't just attacked me on a very personal/military wife level...

Because I am not really sure what to do in response to this. Because I feel attacked as a military wife. Because I do not think I could be trusted to be respectful if I were to write back to her right now. I am writing a blog. And, to anyone who reads this blog, I want to be clear about one very important thing..just so that no one is confused. I am a GOOD military wife. No, forget that. I am an INCREDIBLE military wife.

Do I support the War in Iraq? That question does not hold an easy answer for me. Do I believe that what my husband does over there is worthwhile? Yes. I believe that what he and his Team are doing is making a positive difference in the country of Iraq. Do I think that Iraq is where we should be expending the majority of our military resources? No. I don't. I believe that we need to get out of Iraq responsibly and put our military force in the place where we should have sent them from the very beginning: Afghanistan.

Do I support George Bush? Absolutely not. I believe that he has made foolish and dangerous decisions for his country and his military.

Do I support my Husband as an Officer in the Marine Corps who is currently serving his 2nd deployment to Iraq? Yes. With every last shred of who I am, I support my husband. I support him during the difficult times, military career changes, moves across the country, two deployments to Iraq. I support him by being the strength he needs here at home so that he doesn't need to worry about what's going on HERE while he's worried about what's going on THERE. I support my military. And, I support the military families by serving as a Key Volunteer - the families' contact person for the duration of the deployment.

I even support the military families who think that I am somehow less of a wife because I choose to vote Democrat.

I am a Damn good military wife. How dare anyone ever try to insinuate otherwise.

Torn

In my last post, I mentioned that homesickness has set upon Hubby in Iraq. Yesterday things got even worse for him. As if feeling homesick wasn't enough, yesterday he had to do something in the line of duty that he had some trouble reconciling in his mind.

He found me on instant messenger and began telling me about what happened, and how it made him feel. My heart broke for him. And, halfway through the conversation his internet went down. I waited online anxiously for him to come back on to finish the conversation.

In the meantime, I was racing to get ready for a dinner I had scheduled with the ladies, feeling torn between the plans I had and wanting to wait for Hubby to return so we could finish our conversation.


By the time he came back online and we said all of our goodbyes, I was 30 minutes late leaving for dinner with the girls and also cutting an important conversation with my Husband a little bit short. I felt horrible on the inside. I hate disappointing people, and that night I disappointed everyone involved (including myself). Not only was I very late for dinner (they were waiting for me to leave for the restaurant) but I also left Hubby hanging during a time when he really needed me.

These are the times when deployments are especially hard. It's beyond difficult to feel torn between going on with life as usual at home and being there for Hubby in Iraq. You have to make difficult choices... and I'm slightly afraid that last night.. I made the wrong decision.

The regret that plagues me when I am the one who ends conversations first kills me on the inside. Or, if Hubby isn't 100% happy with me at the end of a discussion it eats at me until the next time I talk to him. There's always that fear of "what if something happens and that was our last converation" -- "will I live with regret for the rest of my life?"

I know that part of getting through this deployment successfully on my end is going on with my life. I need those dinners with my girlfriends. I need to take trips with them, have fun dinners, have a couple drinks, laugh. I need to do all of these things for my sanity. I know this. But, why do I feel so guilty when I say goodbye to Hubby and head out the door for a night of fun?

This is the life of the one left behind during a deployment.

Torn.

A Not so Great Day

Today at school for the first time all year, I felt like I was going to cry. And, It had nothing to do with a student. It was a teacher. It usually is, though. I would have the perfect job if it only involved dealing with the kids; but unfortunately, as a teacher you have to deal with the adults, too.

Boo. :(

Suffice it to say, it was a bad day..

But there was some good to it..

Hubby called today. And the phone didn't cut out halfway through the call. We talked for an entire hour. It was my lucky day.

But, there was some sad too..

Normally I see Hubby as having an indestructible mindset. But, today I realized that he's homesick.

Well, I guess I didn't realize it as much as he came right out and told me that "being in Iraq is starting to get to" him.

I told him it's too early to be homesick.. he still has 4 months to go. He said it's better now than Day 1.

True.

But, it still makes me sad.

For Now It's Candy

I'm a little bit scared to admit it, but...

I am pretty sure that this year, finally, I fully believe that I love being a teacher.

I love trying to figure out ways to reach each student. Today, for example, I had a breakthrough with a TALKATIVE 8th grader. He's the NICEST kid ever, but he CAN NOT STOP TALKING. He even talks to himself, I swear that he does. He also cannot stop moving. I imagine that he is a lot like Hubby would have been as an 8th grader. Absolutely adorable, but the kid who completely drives the teacher UP THE WALL.

Today, when he was TALKING... in a burst of frustration I said, "Victor.. what can I do to motivate you to BE QUIET?!" -- But before he was able to respond.. I had already decided on my answer.

This is a boy who lives and dies for candy. He knows I have a stash of it under my desk, and he begs for a piece of it every chance he gets.

So I said, "If you sit quietly from now until lunchtime.. and never speak unless you raise your hand and have been called on I will give you a piece of candy before you leave for lunch."

Lunch was one and a half hours away.

Do you think he opened his mouth once during that hour and a half?!

Nope. Not even once. Nothing.

He. Was. Silent.

It was amazing.

And, with a half hour to go until the end of the day (true to his form) he had struck a new deal with me. If he stayed quiet from the end of the day today all the way until lunch tomorrow, can he have another piece of candy? Why, yes, Victor, you can.

The best part? By the end of the day, I had two more talkative students who wanted to strike the same deal with me. All for the price of a simple piece of candy.

Somehow, I get the feeling that tomorrow will be a VERY quiet day for me.

As for the next day? Well, the next day I'll probably have to figure out another way to reach the Victors in 8th grade.

But, for now, it's candy.
:)

Welcome To California

Today when I got home from work I raced to front door to check my mail. This is out of the ordinary for me. Anyone who has ever sent me something will tell you that they usually have to call me and give me notice that something will be arriving at my doorstep so that I don't leave it out there for a week.

Today, however, I was excited... because I had a feeling that my California driver's license would be there. You see, I recently bit the bullet and took the CA DMV's Written test to officially become a California driver.

When I opened my mailbox, I was not disappointed when I saw an envelope from the CA DMV. I was, however, shocked to see TWO envelopes in my mailbox from the DMV. I wondered for a moment what the other envelope could be..

And then, I grimaced as a memory I had repressed came back to me. Last week, while driving home in a exhausted stupor, I made a left turn behind a BIG truck and didn't realize until I was in the intersection that the light was RED. I didn't see the usual hundred blinding flashes of the red light cameras, so I thought I got away with it.

Apparently not.

So, my friends. It appears that today, on the VERY day that I officially became a California Driver, I also officially became a Cali driver with a point on her license.

If that doesn't say, "Welcome to California" then I don't know what does.

The Difference Between a 5th grader and an 8th grader

5th Grader: Mrs. Sorry, I'm finished with my assignment. May I please study my vocabulary words until everyone else is finished?

ME: Umm.. absolutely you may study your vocbulary words. GREAT idea.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ME: (8th Grader) Why do you have your head down?

8th grader: Because I'm FINISHED with the assignment

ME: If you're finished, why don't you take this time to study your vocabulary words?

8th grader: Do I HAVE to?

ME: Yes.

8th grader: (Loud Sigh) Fine........

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And yet, I still prefer 8th graders to 5th graders...

Does that make me crazy?

My Dinner Companion

Today while I was eating my dinner.. in front of the computer.. (just like I have pretty much every night since Hubby deployed) I remembered a phone message that one of my Military Wife friends left me last deployment. She was being silly and making guesses as to why I had not answered my phone, and one of her guesses was, "you're probably standing over your kitchen sink stuffing your dinner down your throat"! I laughed out loud when I listened to the message because she hit the nail right on the head! Eating by yourself is not quite the event that it is when you have someone to share it with. Therefore, I have had many a meal standing over my kitchen sink... and in front of my computer.

Which brings me to the reason why I remembered that phone call on this particular evening. Tonight I was eating my dinner.. in front of my computer.. and I was sharing every couple of bites with my Husky. While I was doing this, I had the following conversation in my head,

ME: I really shouldn't be feeding my dog my dinner while I'm eating it. It doesn't teach him good manners.

Me: Yeah, but, it sure is nice to have "someone" to share my meal with.

:)

At which point I patted my dog on the head and gave him a lot of love.

People can say whatever they want about my dogs, but they sure are amazing company.

Lesson Learned

On the off chance that I have any other readers on here other than my immediate family members, you may or may not know that my mother is a breast cancer survivor.

Last year at this time she had just finished up her cancer treatments, and was still not feeling back to her usual self. During that time and for the many months before, she was at home a lot taking it easy, allowing herself to recover. This was not typical for her, because when she was healthy she was always busy with organizations or friends.

This year, now that she seems to be back to her old self, she has also gone back to her busy schedule. This week, frustrated with her lack of availability to talk to me on the phone, I complained to my mom that I "liked her better when she had cancer". We had a good laugh over it and moved on.

When I hung out with my friends this weekend, the subject of my mom came up and I shared with them the cancer comment I made to my mom. The joke was on me, however, because when I told my friends what I said they all immediately STOPPED LAUGHING and STOPPED SMILING and looked at me as if I had told them I just killed my dog. Can you say AWKWARD??!!

I had to explain to them that it was just a JOKE and that no, I don't want my mom to be sick I just want her TIME. Grasping for straws I said.. "well, my mom laughed" and quickly changed the subject.

The moral to this story is.. don't share morbid family jokes with outsiders. They won't get it, and they might think you're a bad person. Lesson learned. :)

Everything I Know about Iraq, I learned from....

Little People, Big World

This season's premiere episode had the father of the family Matt Roloff going to Iraq to visit a family of Iraqi children who are dwarfs. It was the most captivating thing for me to watch; because, for the FIRST time I actually was able to SEE what Iraq is like... from Matt Roloff's perspective. It was captivating.. and unnerving. There were many times in the episode where Matt was clearly fearful and uncomfortable. It's a different world over there. It's NOT safe. Most of the time, I let myself forget about these things that I KNOW (deep down) to be true. It's often hard for me to understand what it is REALLY like over there for Hubby; because, he never acts as though anything strange is happening in his life. He doesn't complain about the conditions.. or being nervous.. or anything at all, really. When I talk to him, he is the same Hubby as always.. more interested in talking about his favorite video game than anything else.

The OTHER interesting thing about watching Little People, Big World was how I felt while I was watching it. Matt Roloff was away from his family in Iraq for about a week's time. During that time, it shows his wife, almost in tears and very stressed out/worried the majority of the time he is gone. While I was watching, I started to feel ANGRY. I kept thinking: how dare she be so distraught! He's only gone for a week!! And, not only that, but her husband might be IN a dangerous place, but HE is not the one forced to go on the dangerous MISSIONS.

I was kind of surprised at myself for feeling this way. Logically, I know that his family rightfully SHOULD feel nervous/distressed about the time he spent in the war-torn country of Iraq.

What I figured out is that I guess, in the end, even though I might deny it repeatedly... part of me seeks a little bit of acknowledgement for what I go through on a daily basis. Why does Amy Roloff get the opportunity to become teary-eyed when SHE misses a phone call from her husband? Why is Amy Roloff the one with the opportunity to explain on camera to thousands of viewers what it feels like to be afraid that HER husband isn't going to come home? Why don't I get to be the one to share MY story with the world.

But, then again, the majority of me really seeks to stay among the shadows. Because, acknowledgement of what I go through might make it all a little too real. And, the truth of the matter is that I prefer to live in my own little world of denial. Sure, it was eye opening to see first hand what it's really like in Iraq when I watched Matt Roloff's journey. But, in my mind, I haven't ever really placed Hubby anywhere physically. I don't try to imagine what his sleeping area looks like. Or what it's like for him when he goes out on convoys in his 7 ton. I try not to think about the weather. Or the sand. The stress. Or the danger. All I know is that when I chat with Hubby online.. or on the phone.. he's the same person he was when he left and, for the most part, he seems to be doing OK.

That's all I really need to know.

And me?

Well, despite the fact that I spilled RED crystal light fruit punch all over my computer room carpet today, and despite the fact that the Santa Ana winds have blown every leaf and speck of dirt in a 3 mile radius into my pool over the past 24 hours...

I'm hanging in there.

Contemplation

Have you ever wondered what the worst thing about having Hubby deployed is? It's having Hubby gone during the month of October... when I'm deathly afraid of Scary Movies. I remember this from last deployment, and sadly, here I am again.. my 2nd October in a row.. being subjected to the thousands of previews for scary movies that play over and over and over and over for the duration of the month! Woe is me!

But, on a more serious note... This Friday evening while getting my fill of girly shows/movies (Grey's Anatomy and The Sex in the City movie) I had some time to contemplate my situation. To be very specific.. I had some time to contemplate my situation.. and how much it sucks.

Sometimes when I sit back and REALLY THINK about it, I am amazed by myself. Amazed that I am somehow able to spend the vast majority of my time convincing myself that life is just fine and dandy. I am extremely content when I've been able to spend ten minutes chatting with Hubby online that day. I revel in a short email. It's practically Christmas when I get a phone call. And webcam time? I might as well have won the lottery!

It's better that I don't spend too much time watching sappy movies that make my heart ache. Yes, it's true, I need my Grey's fix once a week; because, seriously... the tears I shed during that show are downright therapeautic. But going around telling myself how crappy things are all the time? What good would that do me?

None.

Which is why I spend most of my time enjoying the moments I get to spend with Hubby via technology, and making light humored jokes such as "the worst thing about having Hubby gone on deployment is having him gone during the month of October". I guess I just don't know how I'd function otherwise..

By the way, did I mention the BEST thing about having Hubby gone on deployment? Full reign on the tv. Now THAT's something to get excited about.

:)

Things

It seems like I've lost my groove with posting these blogs. It's not for lack of material, it's actually for lack of ability to put my thoughts into words.

I've recently considered blogging about many different things.. I just haven't done it. So, I think I'm just going to list all of the topics I've considered blogging about over the last few days.

1) The writing prompt one of my 8th graders shared with the entire class. The prompt? Something that makes me laugh is..... His answer? Mrs. (Sorry's) facial expressions. He then went on to go into great detail about 3 of my common expressions. There was the exaggerated frown, The worried expression where I show my teeth, and the "I'm upset" face that does not just involve my facial features but also involves my shoulders raising and the subsequent disappearance of my neck. He had everyone in the classroom in hysterics (including me!) And, now every time I make one of these expressions I laugh on the inside, because while I've always known that I make funny faces, I've never realized how thoroughly these faces have been studied by my students.

2) THIS WRETCHED HEAT! Miserably, it has been in the HIGH 90's on and off for the past TWO weeks. I'm wondering why the weather God's of San Diego haven't yet realized that not only is this SAN DIEGO (and it's just NOT supposed to get that hot here), but it's also OCTOBER!! I mean, HELLO, I have never so desired wearing long sleeves and sweaters in my life.

3) The two month landmark in Hubby's deployment has come and gone. I'm feeling full of strength and independence, but unfortunately, I am realizing that time is truly beginning to slow to a crawl. The slowing down of time thing might have a little something to do with the fact that Hubby has been a little grumpy lately. I knew that his perfect disposition couldn't last forever in that sandy hell-hole he calls a home, I just hope that his spirits bounce back a bit and he won't be a grump for the duration of the next 5 months. :(

(4) The Santa Anas are picking up (that's the reason for this unbearable heat) and the newscasters are talking about chances of fires breaking out. I'm blocking any and all fire talk from my ears, because I don't even want to THINK about a repeat of last year.

Seriously.

Oh yeah, and one more thing!

(5) Remember my post about The True Confessions of Charlotte Doyle? Well, today after school one of the 7th graders (a boy, no less) told me that he finished the book (ahead of schedule) and liked is SO MUCH that he's trying to convince his MOM to read it. Ok. seriously. It doesn't get much cooler than that.

And that, my friends, is all she wrote! (for today anyway)

:)

Mourning Our Youth

Last night I went out to dinner with four of my friends and it was a monumental evening for our friendship. Let me explain.

It began when we all showed up for the evening wearing black. When we arrived at Benihanas (a Japanese Hibachi place), we immediately noticed a group of 4 young(er), crazy(er), girls waiting at the bar for their table. One of my friends (knowing that Benihana pairs you up with another group to sit around the Hibachi table) made the comment, "Oh God, please don't let us be paired up with them for dinner." I think we were cursed, because of course, when our beeper went off, so did theirs.

When we sat down, the first thing the crazy(er), young(er) girls asked us was if we had planned to dress the same. We were a little embarassed, and one of my friends said, "no, we're just all in mourning". And, I said, "Mourning our Youth, that is"

Mourning our Youth quickly became the theme of the night.

The first thirty minutes of the dinner were slightly foreboding. The girls we were with were 21 and out to HAVE A GOOD TIME. They chided us for ordering wine to drink (instead of liquor like them), and they basically annoyed us with their loud yelling and crazy "wooing". But, like I said, that only lasted for the first thirty minutes.

Because, after those 30 minutes went by, those young(er), crazy(er) girls mysteriously disappeared to the bathroom. One among their ranks was having trouble holding her "liquor", so we spent the rest of our dinner alone at our table to enjoy our food, our wine, and our good company.

At some point, someone brought up the idea of starting a book club. And, someone else mentioned that book clubs made her feel "old", at which point our mantra for the night "mourning our youth" came up once again.

It was quickly decided that not only would we start a book club, but we would title ourselves none other than Mourning our Youth (MOY for short), and it would be required that we wear black to every meeting.

By the time we were ready to get up and leave the restaurant we realized that we had outlasted those YOUNG(ER) girls, and spent the majority of our evening laughing harder than any of us could remember laughing in quite some time.

It was a monumental evening, because I think we realized that even though we might be getting a little older than we feel comfortable with, Mourning Our Youth is just an ironic title, because really, our best years have just begun.

teenagers who actually LIKE to read?!

I think I hit the jackpot today while teaching Literature to 7th graders. We're reading The True Confessions of Charlotte Doyle which is one of my absolte favorite books by one of my absolute favorite authors Avi.

At the end of class, we read a couple of pages together from Chapter 9. It was time for class to be over, so I said we had to stop reading. And.. (here's the kicker) the students GROANED!!! They said in unison (or as close as 24 7th graders can come to unison), "awwwwww, can't we keep reading?!"

I laughed and said, "Sorry, class is over, but your homework is to finish the chapter so you can finish it at home" to which one of the 7th grade BOYS responded, "I really like it and I want to know what happens next, but I get SCARED reading it at home"

Of course, I did what any rational teacher would do. I told him to read the book in the living room while his mom was in there. :)

Ha Ha.

It IS a pretty scary book. I told them it was a little scary before we started reading it. I don't think they believed me, though. :)

Speaking of good books.. scary books.. and teenagers, I recently discovered the novel Twilight which came HIGHLY recommended by a vast majority of my students. It seems to be the new Harry Potter in that it has quite a cult following. I started reading it this week and at this very moment can't WAIT to continue where I left off last night.

Suffice it to say that this week has been a GOOD week for teenagers and literacy. Atleast it's been a good week for literacy at MY school. :)