Maybe, Just Maybe

The countdown is really on now for D Day. Hubby's going away party has come and gone. Our last visitor has packed his bags and gotten on the plane for home. There's nothing left to look forward to.. except the countdown.. the last moments.. the waiting.

Have you ever had the hiccups... and when they go away you think you might still need to hiccup for the next couple minutes but no hiccups come out? And then you find yourself constantly checking whether you're going to hiccup or not? Well, this may very well be the WORST example ever.. but that's kind of how I feel right now. I keep doing these checks on myself. Every now and then I stop what I'm doing and do a check.. am I OK now? Am I STILL OK?! BUT WIAT, am I REALLy OK?! and the answer so far has been pretty much unequivocally, yes.

I'm fine.

Just like with hiccups.. after they go away and you're expecting one to come out at any second... it's a bit offputting that despite the fact that I keep expecting some kind of breakdown.. it isn't happening.

Maybe this deployment will be completely different. Maybe it really will be 10x easier than the last. I mean, Even since Hubby has been home I have grown accustomed to 2 week, 4 week, 1 week etc. absences. Maybe when deployment day comes.. I'll hug Hubby goodbye and something inside of myself will NOT fall apart. Maybe this goodbye will be just like all the many goodbyes we've had over the past few months.

I don't know.

All I know is that for now, I'm holding up firmly.

It helps that two weeks after Hubby leaves my parents will arrive in town.. and I know that any loose ends that Hubby leaves behind my parents will be sure to tie up nice and neatly before they go back to the East Coast. I know that by the time September arrives and the school year starts, my life will be neatly in order and once school gets going I won't have very much time to dwell on missing Hubby.. I will be too busy surviving.

So. Maybe, just maybe this deployment won't rip my life apart the way the last one did. Maybe, just maybe this one will be very different.

Here's to the hope of maybe.

:)