Zen

ooooohhhhmmmmm.... oooohhhmmmmm..... oooohhhhmmmm.... (<----- me meditating!)

I've gone to my happy place, folks. I don't know if I'm overreacting to all of this or what. It's a little bit hard for me to be objective about this right now.

Yesterday was.... interesting. It started with the 75% chance email from Mike. Continued with a frustrating skype conversation with him in which the skype kicked him off every 5 minutes without fail. crescendoed with a lot of feeling sorry for myself kind of stuff, and ended with a looooooong conversation with myself and God (if he was around to listen).

What I figured out from all of that was I don't know much for sure. All that I do know for sure is that I will be there when I give birth and so will the baby. I don't know where we will be. I don't know who will be with us. But it will be OK. Maybe I won't get to see Michael's universe shift as he witnesses the miracle of childbirth. Maybe everything won't work out as perfectly as my imagination has decided it should. Maybe. Maybe my mom will totally miss everything due to her work schedule and limited time off. Maybe.

Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. That's all it is right now is a whole bunch of maybe's.

Oh-freaking-well. It is what it is. It will be what it will be.

and what will it be? Incredible. And Amazing. And Special. And Life changing.

I mean, according to my mom, Chinese women are giving birth in rice paddies as we speak, so I guess I don't really have it so bad. (inside joke there, folks. don't judge us).

So I'm back in my happy place. Until I have something official to freak out about, I am taking a chill pill and doing the zen thing. I always thought that being pregnant would have to be the coolest thing in the entire world. and it is. and I do not want to ruin that with my own anxieties and fears of what the future will bring.

The future will take care of itself.
For now I will do the same....take care of myself.

The End.