5 Days

I was pregnant. Blissfully, joyfully pregnant. For about 5 days.

(Technically 5 weeks, but 5 days of positive pregnancy tests...)

Until I woke up yesterday morning and realized my body had begun to go through the painful process of no longer being pregnant.

I was devastated.

For those 5 days, though, I was floating on air. I can't remember the last time I was so happy. A fair statement might be that I have never actually been that happy before. Beaming from the inside out - that was me.

And Michael?
He was adorable. He went out and bought himself a cigar in celebration. He even bought a little baby outfit when we were at Marshalls one evening. He always said he wanted kids, but it wasn't until I was pregnant that I realized how excited about the prospect he truly was.

I'm feeling okay today - back to normal. A day at school with my students can always do that for me. That's a definite perk of my job. The kids keep me so on my toes and entertained during the day that it's next to impossible to dwell on my personal life there.

But yesterday? I mourned.

I thought that I had finally embarked on the next great journey of my life. I thought I had finally taken that ever-important step into parenthood. For whatever reason, it was not meant to be. I have tried not to guess at or wonder why.

It is what it is. And, at this point, I'm just ready to find out what comes next.