Question Marks

Something I have thought about a couple of times but have failed to mention both outloud and in my blog is how grateful I am to be spending this holiday season.... with my hubby.

I wasn't really expecting it, but Christmas without him last year was rather hard on me.

And since all signs seem to be pointing to a year-long upcoming deployment, it appears as though we are going to have to endure another holiday season apart next year.

I've been putting all thought about said upcoming deployment out of my mind for as long as possible, but with all the downtime I've had lately it keeps pushing its way into my brain.

Once again, my future is a mystery.

The questions that have been plaguing me lately are as follows:
*Will Michael leave in March or April?
*When will we be able to schedule a trip East to visit my soon-to-be nephew?
*Will he deploy for a year or 6 months?
*If he deploys for a year will I stay in San Diego or head East?
*If I head East who will watch over our house while I'm gone?
*If I head East who will take the roadtrip with me?
*Should I pursue my Masters Degree while he's gone or get some temporary job?
and last but certainly not least,
*Am I Ever going to get PREGNANT?!
**And.. if I do get pregnant before he leaves that just leads me to an entirely different and more complex list of questions to ponder.

The thing about all of these questions/dilemmas is that I simply have to wait to find out. It's impossible to know when the Marine Corps will give Michael his departure date. And nothing has been written in stone about the length of the deployment, but Michael just keeps telling me to plan for a year b/c then 6 months will be a pleasant surprise.

If I get pregnant I get pregnant; if I don't I don't. I've already pretty much just decided it's not going to happen. I mean working with a time limit is certainly not the best circumstances for this kind of thing. And I figure that as far as that goes, things are going to happen how they're meant to. If it doesn't happen in the next couple of months then it wasn't meant to be. period.

And, as far as the rest of my questions are concerned, these are not things that need to be figured out today... or even before he deploys. I can't go anywhere or do anything before the end of the school year anyway... and I've pretty much decided that I want to stick around here until the end of the summer no matter what so as not to put a good pool restoration to waste.

Everything else will happen as it will; I know this. Most of the time I'm okay with it, too. It's just that every now and then I get to thinking about all of the question marks hanging in the air and it starts to drive me a bit mad.

One thing I know for sure, though, is that all of my current question marks will be answered one way or another in the year 2010.

So now I feel I must apologize b/c I set out to attempt an upbeat/happy/thankful post and ended up burdening you all with my anxieties about the coming year.

Despite appearances, I am very excited about the new year. I swear! I am! I have always loved the anticipation of the new year... all of the mystery that a new year brings. There's no way of telling what will happen this year - what I will be able to look back on a year from now. It's intriguing, the mystery of it all.


In case I don't have a chance to stop in again between now and January 1, I wish you all an incredible 2010. Thanks for stopping by every now and then and withstanding my random ranting and rambling.

In closing, I will leave you with my absolute favorite and totally appropriate for this post quote:

Blessed are the flexible for they will not be broken.

Amen.

Fate

On our way home from Arkansas we had a 2 hour - that turned into a 4 hour - delay in Dallas, TX.

In an attempt to kill time, we decided to stop in each airport store that we came across. In one of those such stores we were browsing when I looked up and something caught my attention. It took a minute or two for my brain to assess the situation and realize that what had just caught my attention was 2 ghosts from our military past.

Without thought, I turned around, told Mike to "don't ask questions just follow me" and led him out of the store.

When we got out I explained the situation.

During Mike's last deployment there was one marine who had gone with him who he has told me multiple times he hoped never to see again. This guy is a 1st Lt. with whom Michael had a yelling, rip-roaring falling out. Basically, since Michael was his commanding officer but only 1 rank above him, this guy wasn't respecting his authority. He was there with his wife who had been my facebook friend until at some point during the deployment she had mysteriously deleted me. We had never had any kind of falling out. I assume she was just taking what happened with her husband and mine and translating that into her own personal life.

In any case, I think we can all agree that they weren't the people who we hoped to run into at the airport.

The funny thing was that for whatever reason, fate stepped in and decided that we absolutely were going to run into them. Because, no matter how hard we tried to avoid them, there they were.

First we discovered they were on our flight. Then we realized they were only sitting a few rows ahead of us. Despite both of these facts, though, they hadn't seen us -- or possibly they were pretending they didn't see us -- who knows.

We thought we were in the clear of having an awkward run-in with them after we got our bags and successfully walked out of the airport without crossing their path. Then, we flagged down our bus to take us to our long-term parking and had a seat. A few moments later, though, the bus stopped again to load more passengers. Wouldn't you know those two people boarded our bus and took the only seats available - the ones across from us, facing us.

Can you say AWKWARD?

I will probably never know or understand why, but for some odd reason it was fate. No matter how hard we tried to avoid it we were meant to run into those people that day.

**Added Later
To answer your questions... yes we spoke to them. Of course we did. They got on the bus still trying not to make eye contact, but Mike patted the seat across from us and said something to the extent of "Have a seat" thus breaking the ice. The two of them chit-chatted the entire bus ride to the parking lot, mostly catching each other up on mutual marine corps contacts. There was no formal resolution, but I suppose it was good for them to see each other in a non-stress, non-deployment situation. What seems so earth shattering and intense in a living-on-top-of-each-other-for-7-months deployment situation does not seem to be quite as big of a deal in the 'real world'. As for me, what I got out of the situation is next time I run into someone I'm not too keen on seeing, I will waste no time, walk right up to them, and say, "Howdy" !

My Secret Weapon

Today was our last full day of school before a long awaited and much anticipated Christmas break. Tomorrow is a half day, and it hardly counts as a school day since the day will be spent eating, partying, gifting, and singing Christmas carols. A fun day.

This week has been an interesting one, though. The week before Christmas break always is.
Today, being the last real day of school, the kids were... err... umm.. well... how do I put this nicely? Crazy!

Lucky for me, I have a secret weapon.

I have a special class activity that I store in my back pocket for days like today... days where the students are wild and riled and can barely sit still.

:Drum Roll Please:
My secreat weapon is.........

The passback story.

It goes something like this. The class comes up with a couple of story starters. Today our focus was Christmas. When the teacher says, "Go" each student chooses a story starter and begins to write. They have to continue to write until I say STOP. At that time they must do exactly that, stop. It doesn't matter if they are mid-word, mid-sentence, or mid-letter. They must immediately stop and pass their story to the person behind/ next-to/ infront of them(depending on the passing order).

When they get the next story they must quickly read what has been written and continue the story where the last person left off.

It goes on like this for as long as I deem reasonable, and on the last pass I always tell the students to bring the story to a close.

When the stories are completed they are returned to the original writer, and students spend the rest of the class period reading their stories aloud to the class.

Now, this may or may not sound like an interesting activity to you. But let me tell you... this activity is a HIT. I have done this activity for four years now and it has never failed me. Every student is completely engaged and entertained. I love listening to their absolute silent, focused writing and then their giggles and gasps in response to what they read in their newly acquired stories after each pass.

All the students want to share their stories with the class after they are finished writing, and they all proclaim their story to be the best.

Today at the end of class after completing this activity, a few of my students stayed after and told me that we should do this activity more often.

Hmm...
I think not.

I certainly wouldn't want anyone to ever grow tired of the activity that is my savior on crazy days like the last full day before Christmas break.

For this reason, I would like to take a moment to say thank you, passback story. Because of you, I have managed to survive many-a-last-day-before-break with my sanity intact.

Christmas Away from "Home"

These days, I have really been feeling the Christmas spirit. Friday is our last day of school before our big holiday break, everyone in my neighborhood has their houses dressed to the nines in lights, my house is decorated and our mini tree glows with lights every evening. Michael and I have even received and opened our Christmas presents from Santa (aka: my parents).

Wait! What? We already opened our presents from "Santa"?!

Yeah..

This year for the first time in my entire life, I will be spending Christmas away from my parents' home.

Away from my family.

Away from my childhood friends.

Away from all of my favorite Christmas traditions.

This summer when Michael's mom approached me about spending Christmas with their family I wasn't surprised. I expected it. I knew that it was about time we grace the other side of the family with our presence on Christmas.

But that didn't make it any easier for me. In fact, at the time, I even shed a tiny tear over the impending loss of Christmas as I know it.

I'm not going to lie or candycoat. The truth of the matter is that spending Christmas away from my family is a huge deal for me. But I also know that Michael leaves for Afghanistan for a year in a few months and his family deserves to have that special time with him before he leaves.

That's not to say, though, that I am dreading Christmas. I'm not. I'm excited. We will be spending the holidays in Arkansas with Michael's sister, her husband, our two nephews, and Michael's parents. I know that we will have a great time. I know that my five-year-old and 2 and a half year-old nephews will make Christmas Day special. I know that my sister-in-law will prepare and serve a delicious Christmas meal. I know we will have lots of laughs and even go on an adventure or two.

I'm sure this Christmas will be wonderful. It just won't be my traditional Christmas. And I won't get to be with my family this year. That's the part I'm having a little bit of trouble with.

I guess it's time for me to grow up, though. Because if you ask me, nothing says "grown up" like Christmas away from "home".

Undercover Blog Readers

I must say... I'm a bit disappointed with the results of the hair poll I posted on my blog recently.

I'm not disappointed with the quality of the answers I received; I'm disappointed with the quantity of the answers I received.

I have a statcounter for my blog; therefore, I am fully aware of the fact that I have more readers than the 4 people who comment on it.

I've often considered a post such as this in the past, questioning why I have so many "undercover" readers. But, I worried I might scare people away, and I certainly don't want to do that.

The thing is, I would really like to hear from you, the ones who regularly visit my blog but never say "hello".

I wonder who you are. I wonder what keeps you coming back. I wonder.

So, next time you stop in, don't be shy. Drop me a line. It will make my day.

The Wisdom I Impart

Yesterday evening we had a Christmas event at my school. I was in my classroom beforehand, and in walked a student who had been in 8th grade my first year teaching at the school.

We got to talking, and somehow or other she brought up in conversation something she remembered that I had told her class...

She remembered that I had told them that on the East Coast Carl's Jr. is called Hardees.

Oh, did I have a laugh over that one.

Of all the wisdom I impart on a daily basis, more often than not, these are the kinds of things my students remember.

In the past, students who have stopped in to visit have reminisced with me about the time in class when a student gave an answer and I responded, "That's just alright for me, Dawg" (a reference to Randy Jackson on American Idol).

Or, the time I referred to the shabby town in a novel we were reading as a "crappy" town... (little did I know, these kids think "crappy" is a bad word)

Or the time my husky ran away (don't worry, we found him). Apparently, I was rather shaken the next day from the whole experience, because that's something that seems to be imprinted in every one of my ex-students' minds.

Or that chicken and potatoes is my favorite meal. And I'm allergic to apples.

Or the time someone knocked on the back door of the classroom when the front door was wide open. I yelled at one of my students who started to approach the back door thinking he was going to answer it when in actuality he was immersed in reading his book, completely unaware of the fact that he was being scolded by me, and was not planning to open the door at all, but rather, was on his way to throw a tissue into the garbage can. We all had a long laugh over that one, and the students who were there remember it well.

It's funny the things these students notice and remember.

During my first year as a teacher my students brought it to my attention that I sigh a lot.

This year, one of my students informed me that I bite the inside of my cheeks when I am thinking. Indeed, I do. I had never noticed before. Now I can't stop noticing.

I guess what I can say is at least they're paying attention. Somewhere between American Idol and Carl's Jr. I must be slipping some useful knowledge in there somewhere.

Atleast, that's what I'm going to keep telling myself.

The Right Thing

Today I am feeling proud of myself.

Unfortunately, though, I cannot be specific in explaining why.

What I can tell you is that there was a very serious situation at my work that I became aware of and did something about.

It was really scary. Doing the right thing often is. In fact, my heart was beating so fast and hard in my chest, I could hardly get my words out while doing the "right thing".

But, I did it.

I did it because, in the end, for the well-being of my students I had to. I guess, in the end, I didn't see that it was much of a choice.

Hell may or may not break loose at my school in the coming weeks. But, the students will be out of harm's way, and that is the most important thing.

Sacrifice

Sigh...


My family has officially departed the San Diego area. It was oh-so-wonderful having them here.


Every time my mom comes to visit, she helps to make my house feel more like a home. On her first visit she helped me pick out and put up curtains in my living room and kitchen. On another visit she helped me pick out wall color and wall decor for my living room. She has also helped me decorate my guest bedroom, cleaned my garage twice, helped me clean out our guest bedroom closet, strategically placed military trinkets over my kitchen cupboards, and too many other things to even mention. This trip she helped me pick out new accent pillows for my couch and helped me decorate for Christmas.


I would be amiss, though, if I were to leave out my dad's part in turning my house into a home. He was the one who actually painted my living room wall and spent endless hours in my dusty desert yard attempting to turn it into less of an eyesore.

But, this visit, I got the impression that my house feeling more like a home might not just have to do with accent pillows on the couch and the newly painted walls.


There's just something about the company of family and close friends that brings a different feeling to my house. Having them here makes it feel like home.


One evening a few days ago, my parents, brother, and husband were scattered about the living room/kitchen area doing this or that. And, I started thinking about how nice it was to have all of them there. We weren't doing anything special; we were just there, together. Then, I started thinking about what it would feel like to have that more often - say - if I were to live just down the street from my family or just over in the next town. Somewhere close enough where it wouldn't be such a big, out of the ordinary deal for my parents and brother to be spending an evening at my house.


Don't get me wrong. I mean, I am happy with what I have and where I am.


It's just that every now and then, I spend a few moments thinking about what I have given up in order to lead this military life. It's difficult for me to miss out on family get-togethers, my nephew's every day growing up moments, my sister's pregnancy (and soon to be delivery of her 2nd child). It's tough when sickness/heartbreak/tough times strike the members of my family, and I'm not able to be there with them.


I am just thankful that the technology of today makes the world seem much smaller than it actually is.


Being a military wife is a sacrifice.


However,
It is also a grand adventure... one that has taken me places I never could have dreamed of. With that knowledge, I am content.