Doggie Disaster

I don't mean to complain. Really, I don't.

It's just that I've been kind of sort of having a really shitty afternoon.

Today when I came home from work... I noticed something that literally made me GASP. I gasped, my border collie started shaking from head to toe (no exaggeration), and my husky immediately went into submission on his back.

I then threw them both in the back yard, screamed, "I WANT TO KILL YOU", and slammed the door. It was quite the dramatic scene.

What offense did they commit that had me gasping, shrieking, screaming, and slamming?

My couch.

There is a hole in my couch. My beloved couch. The couch that I have never once regretted buying. (which is a huge feat since I regret pretty much everything I ever buy). The couch that Mike claims we are going to have forever. The couch that we both proclaim to be the most comfortable couch in the world.

It's one of those things that I don't want to think about too much because it is actually making me sick to my stomach.

I figure, if I can get someone here who's good with a needle they will be able to sew it back together. Truth be told, though, it's not going to look like new. It will always have a scar. A scar that will always remind me of the day my dogs tore a baseball sized hole in my wonderful couch.

But the hole is only half the problem, not even half, really.

The real problem is the dogs. Obviously they're suffering from some separation anxiety after Mike's recent departure. Honestly, though, WTF!!!! How many times has Mike been gone?! Let me count.. oh wait.. he's been gone too many times to count.

So Why this time?! Why this couch?! WHY, WHY, WHY???!!!

Why, indeed.

We've been up and down with our leash training with Copper. It's just.... he is unexplainably bad on walks. Scary bad. Dangerously bad. I actually feel unsafe walking that dog alone or too far from home. In the past, I have fallen down, he has broken out of his collar and run off, I have come frighteningly close to breaking fingers, I have withstood painful ropeburn, and so on and so forth.

Ramsey is fine, though. But when Mike's gone, what am I supposed to do? Take Ramsey and leave Copper alone? That doesn't sound very fair, does it? But is it fair to not take either of them? I don't think so.

It was a dilemma indeed.

So this is what I did. First, I put a leash on both of my dogs and made them follow me around the house all afternoon. I did this to get them both completely relaxed on the leash and completely relaxed on the leash together. Together being the key word here. You see, together on walks they are a hundred times worse than alone. They egg each other on. Anxiety breeds anxiety, and it is a disaster.

Next, I went online and spent a lot of freaking money buying special collars from Cesar Millan's website. Supposedly, these collars are specially designed to keep dogs from pulling without metal things sticking into their necks like the choke collar (which, btw, my husky is deathly afraid of and will run and hide never to come out if you even touch one of those). I also bought doggie backpacks. Not only do they add more weight and give an active dog a better workout, but wearing the backpack on a walk helps the dog to feel like it has a job to do.

After that, I rummaged through the garage for Mike's weight lifting gloves. I waited until it was sufficiently dark enough outside (so as not to become the neighborhood weirdo) and I put those gloves on, retrieved my dogs, and walked determinedly out the door for what was sure to be a successful walk with both dogs together.

Of course, the first thing that happened was two weiner dogs came by and barked and bucked and growled and got my dogs all riled up. Yeah, that was a disaster. We went back inside.

I tried again a few minutes later after the dogs had calmed down a bit. Armed with my gloves and my desperate determination, I was actually successful. I mean, neither dog ran away, I didn't fall down, break a bone, or even get rope burn on my hands. I don't know what you consider a successful walk.. but in my book that ranks right up there at the top of the list.

I'm not finished yet, though.

I decided. Evening walks are not quite enough. If I don't want to come home to a totally mutilated couch tomorrow, I need to do more.... Which is why I already decided that I will be waking up at the seriously disgusting and unholy hour of 5:00 am tomorrow to take my dogs on a walk. together. with my gloves. and my determination.

God help me.
I must really love my dogs.... or my couch.
KIDDING! It's the dogs.