The Future

Every now and then I'll be minding my own business, going about my life when all the sudden out of absolutely nowhere I will be broadsided with a horror-stricken thought.

MY FUTURE IS 100% UP-IN-THE-AIR! I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER ANYTHING! PANIC!

There are certain people in my life who regularly ask me if we know whether we're going to stay in San Diego or not yet.

The answer is no.

No idea. We have no idea. Not only do we have no idea, but we also have no idea when we will find out. Mike** thinks it could be a year before anything changes. He hopes this, for reasons that are too Marine Corps complicated for me to get into right now.

The awful and scary truth of the matter is that a month from now Mike could find out he's being stationed in Japan. You think I'm kidding?

I wish I were.

I'm concerned about our up-in-the-air future more than I ever have been in the past for a couple of very good reasons.

1) We own a house. In San Diego. In this housing market. So, if we have to leave we are going to find ourselves in an interesting predicament - to which I am certain the only answer will be RENTING our house. Which is another nightmare in and of itself.

2) I hate my job. There. I finally said it. I loathe going to work. It is a toxic environment and the toxins have sucked me in. If I were to find out I was moving and didn't have to go back to work next year, on some levels I would actually breathe a gigantic sigh of relief. Moving would mean I wouldn't have to feel obligated to continue to be gainfully employed at that place. If I'm still here, I have no good excuse to leave. It's a job. In this economy. I must keep it.

3) I want to get pregnant. Very. Very. Badly. Having a future that is completely up in the air is not the greatest circumstance for planning the start of a family. Thus, for now, I am left just really really wanting to get pregnant and really really wondering when it will be an okay time to do so.

And there you have it. It's amazing that I go about life all the time convincing myself that I am just a regular person leading a regular life when clearly that is not the case at all. I am a person standing in the middle of a forest with a thousand possible paths all around me - waiting for someone to show up and point me in the direction I'm supposed to go.

No matter which path is chosen for us, I am certain of two things: It will be a challenge, but we will be OK.

I'll keep you posted.

**I've given up on calling him Hubby and will be calling my husband by his real name MIKE from now on.