Proof

Sawyer started walking this week. The cool thing for me was that it was completely his own decision. I remember my mom teaching my younger cousin to walk by leading him and then letting go of his hands, so I kind of thought that's how it usually went.

Not my boy, though. No, this guy is determined. He just decided one day to take a few steps. He left the safety of the couch he was clinging to and just went for it. He fell after only two steps and ever since then he has progressed very rapidly. The next day he was taking 5 steps before landing on his butt and the next he was taking 10. He falls, gets up, tries again. He is no quitter, my little guy.

In fact, today he decided that he also wants to master pulling himself into a standing position without holding onto anything. He hasn't figured that one out yet, but he keeps trying. That's a tough skill, you know.

I thought I would be sad to see these milestones come and go, and maybe one day I will look back on these days with tears. For now, though, I am brimming with joy. Maybe it has something to do with the worries that sometimes grip me in the heart and take my breath away - the ones that tell me he's still too skinny and he isn't eating enough - the ones that gave me a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach when babies 2 months younger than him started crawling before he did. Maybe it's so much relief and joy that LOOK!  HE'S FINE! HERE'S PROOF! Or, maybe the experience of watching the little love of my life growing, learning, thriving, and becoming his own incredible person would have caused my heart to expand to ten times its size even if he hadn't gone through the tough times. Whatever the reason, it is totally awesome, and I am loving every second.

LOOK! HE'S FINE AMAZING! HERE'S PROOF!

favorite?

Recently, there has been some buzz in the media about parents having favorite kids. Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos recently admitted that they have a favorite child. Jeffrey Kluger was featured on Anderson Cooper's new show last week discussing his article for Time Magazine called "Playing Favorites". He claims that not only do a huge majority of parents have a favorite child but they should talk openly about it.  On Anderson's show, a couple of moms actually got on the show and spoke about which child they favored and why.

I was appalled.

While I personally think that Kelly Ripa and hubby were likely joking, the parents on Anderson's show definitely were not.

I must say, this troubles me.

All along, Mike and I said that we wanted to have our kids close together for a few reasons. Mostly, we hope our kids will be close and we think the closer they are in age the more likely they will grow up friends. Also, my career is on hold for this baby rearing stuff so it really just makes sense to get it all "over with" in one fell swoop.

Now that the time for putting our money where are mouthes are is approaching, I find myself feeling a bit of trepdiation about it. I just love Sawyer soooooooo much and have truly cherished all of the time I have been able to spend with him. I spend a large majority of time in awe of this little guy. I worry about bringing another baby into the mix and in doing so losing some of that special time Sawyer and I have together and also not being able to spend as much time cherishing those special moments with a new little one.  I worry about my ability to juggle the demands of two very young kids at one time. It's scary.

And now the media is telling me I have to worry about loving one of my kids more than the other?

Great.

Honestly, though, I call bullshit.

I only have one kid, so I can't speak with 100% certainty, but I really just cannot imagine loving one of my precious, amazing, beautiful, flesh-and-blood children more than the other. In fact, it sickens me that some parents not only claim to have a favorite but are willing to go on national tv to announce which child that is. Hopefully these parents are getting a lot of money for these tv appearances, because I predict hefty therapy bills in their children's future.

The only true frame of reference I have is my dogs. Mike and I have actually had discussions about and tried to decide on a favorite before, and we can never do it. The conversation goes something like this:

Copper pros: he will comfort you when you are sad and spend endless amounts of time cuddling, he is so be-au-ti-ful, and is a great traveler in the car, he likes Sawyer

Copper cons: he sheds like crazy and it is terrible! he is afraid of his own shadow so cannot be taken too many places, he pulls and bucks the whole time on a walk making it very unpleasant

Ramsey pros: he is very obedient and greatly dislikes displeasing anyone, he is super friendly and wants to make best friends with everyone over the age of 7, he is good on a leash

Ramsey cons: he is incredibly neurotic and will not leave you alone if there is a ball in his presence, he barks at anyone who walks past him when he is in the yard, he is terrible in the car, he's afraid of Sawyer.

Their pros together would make the perfect dog. Their cons together would make the world's worst dog. Individually they are both awesome and terrible in their own ways. We cannot decide on a favorite.

I can only imagine that when we have more than one child, a conversation about who is the favorite would go similiarly. (though as Sawyer has a list of mostly pros and very few cons, I imagine our future/fictional child will be the same).

I am still anxious about juggling the demands of two little ones at once, though, but since I'm not pregnant yet (my sister actually thought my last blog post was a pregnancy announcement. Ha!) I guess I don't have to worry about that too much just yet.

sage advice from the future

If I could sit down and have a talk with myself from approximately this time last year, there are a few key points I would be sure to cover. They would go something like this: (in no particular order)

In about a year, you're going to need to figure out how to put a diaper on a baby who is standing up (and moving around quite a bit). It's not easy, so you might want to start practicing now.

Best mothering advice ever: This too shall pass. That goes for both the good and the bad habits of your baby. When your baby is going through a really rough stage, know that it will not be that way forever. Find comfort in that knowledge. When your baby is going through a truly amazing stage, beware... it will not last forever. Cherish it.

Do NOT freak out about making sure your baby knows how to put himself to sleep in his own crib at the measly age of 3 months. Even if he learns this trait at that time refer to my previous piece of advice and realize that it's completely worthless to waste a single moment of worry over this. Give it a few months and then we'll talk.

Feed your baby from bottles. Regularly. Do not be afraid of formula. Do not form any negative opinions about pumping. Your breastfeeding only mantra is going to come back and bite you in the butt BIG TIME. Heed my warnings.

When you get back to San Diego, don't give all of your pre-pregnancy clothes to Good Will. It might seem unlikely, but you're going to lose all that pregnancy weight and more... and if you give those clothes away you're going to be stuck wearing the same 3 shirts all summer long because you just don't have the time or the desire for a major shopping trip.

Some doctors are going to scare the living shit out of you... again and again and again. Your baby is fine. will be fine. See below.

Keep your sense of humor. You are in for the challenge of your life, and it's going to go much more smoothly if you take things in stride and figure out how to keep a smile on your face.

When Mike gets to South Carolina to pick up the keys to your house -- don't take the first one they give you. For serious, my friend. Know much about fleas? No? And you don't want to either.

I probably shouldn't be telling you any of this since all of those time traveling movies seem to stress the importance of not changing the past and all that jazz, but since I've already done some damage, I might as well tell you... you are going to have the most gorgeous little boy on the face of the planet. He's going to be so well-behaved and sweet natured that he is sure to spoil you for any future babies. You will lose hours upon hours of your life just staring in awe at this amazing little guy. You are one lucky lady. Enjoy.

Oh. and P.S. - You're going to be in labor forEVER so put your feet up and try to get as comfortable as you can because you are in it for the long haul, girl.

this time last year...

cyber dress shopping fun

Soon after I hit publish on that last post, and after I received input from my sister and hubby, I stumbled upon this dress.

and fell head over heels in love.

Sadly, this dress was not available in my size. :( So I ordered it in a size smaller and to be safe ordered this one in my size.

I don't like the shoulder decoration on this one as much, and it seems to be a different fit than the other one (though that could just have to do with who's wearing it).

I am super excited for these dresses to arrive in the mail tomorrow.

But while looking for pictures for this blog post, I came upon my favorite dress in a just released color:

and my heart dropped to my feet because OMG I LOVE THIS ONE EVEN MORE! That color is just to die for. *sigh. I suppose I could return both of the other dresses and get this one if I want to. There is still time. We shall see.

Oh. dress shopping online is so much more fun than it is in the store (which is generally very depressing and flourescent light-ish). Hopefully the fun will continue when the dresses arrive on my doorstep tomorrow. I will be anxiously awaiting their arrival.

Also, I just adore the Suzi Chin for Maggy Boutique dresses from Nordstrom. Check her out! http://shop.nordstrom.com/c/suzi-chin-for-maggy-boutique?origin=brandindex

Decisions Decisions

This year's Marine Corps Birthday Ball is right around the corner, and I am very excited. We don't get to go every year because of deployments, but it is always a super fun occassion. I mean, who doesn't love to get really dressed up, eat good food, drink it up, and enjoy some lovely company?

My birthday is only 2 days after the Marine Corps' birthday, so we're generally celebrating both events in the same week. This year, with Sawyer, we are going to celebrate my 30th birthday together the same night as the ball. I really don't think I could manage two nights away from my precious baby -- just the one night might do me in as it is. This year's ball is at a resort in Hilton Head, SC, and I have spent countless hours on the web searching for that perfect dress.

Yes. I have two dresses in my closet from previous balls already. BUT, since it IS my 30th birthday and all, I really want a new dress to make me feel young and beautiful.  I'm having trouble, though.




DRESS 1: right now, this dress is my front runner. This is the only color it comes in, though, and I'm not sold on it.



DRESS 2: I spent a good while considering this dress, but in the end decided that the material doesn't seem very forgiving.

DRESS 3: I've also flirted with the idea of going shorter (there have always been a few girls at the recent usmc balls with a shorter style dress.)

DRESS 4: I think I love this dress (probably in a navy blue, though) but then when I look more closely I am not sure about all of the fringes on the top of the dress. It looks kind of messy, no?

DRESS 5: loved this dress at first, but going back and forth about whether this neckline would flatter me.

DRESS 6: a knee length, silver version of this dress was my front runner for quite some time. I love the longer sleeves and the shiny dress - but if I'm going to go shorter, this version is definitely TOO short, and the other one isn't on the website anymore, so I am SAD. :(
(all of these dresses are nabbed from nordstrom.com am I going to get into some sort of copyright trouble for pasting them here? hope not.)

It's pretty clear that I'm going to have to do some serious time trying on dresses in the store, but in the meantime, opinions are welcome. Which style was your favorite? Also, I am seriously considering the idea of a navy dress. What color shoes does one wear with a navy dress, anyway?

Thanks for your help!

Reality Junky

I have a confession. I am a reality nut.

I am pretty sure I can trace it back to Reality Bites - my absolute favorite movie in junior high. This movie also gets credit for the video camera I purchased in 7th grade (with the money my aunt very generously left me in her will) and the subsequent dozens of videos chronicling my teenage years with my besties.  (I really need to put those videos on dvd... stat... lest they be lost forever).

I was completely obsessed with The Real World for years and years. Back when it wasn't quite so.... trashy and was really an experiment in sociology. In fact, it was my life's goal for quite some time to actually be on The Real World.

I am also completely enthralled with the "reality" genre of books. My absolute favorite books of all time are true stories... I think that's why I like them so much. They're real. I am amazed by the things that people have encountered, survived. The Glass Castle = the greatest book of all time. My jaw was on the floor through 98% of that book, and it's one of the few I've read over and over and over again only to be continually shocked and amazed.

...which brings me to my latest obsession. Sister Wives. Have you watched this show? I am totally captivated by it. Last year when I was pregnant, I spent an entire weekend watching every episode of the first season on TLC on demand. I couldn't look away. The new season recently started, and apparently it's so much on my mind that I had a dream that I was one of the wives in a polygamist family, and I was trying to get my husband's attention the entire dream. It was terrible! I definitely think the idea behind polygamy is completely bogus, and I can't say that I think these people are doing their kids any favors by bringing them up in this lifestyle.... but... there's something so innocent and sincere about these people and their kids. It's intriguing.

My other TLC reality fave is The Little Couple. LOVE THEM.

I admit I also have been known to frequent such classless shows as The Real Housewives of (fill in blank because I watch them all), Keeping up with the Kardashians (everything that happens in that show is so obviously staged, but it still sucks me in), Teen Mom (which is completely depressing, but it's one of those car accident kind of things where I just can't look away), and the absolute worst of the worst..... nevermind. I just can't admit to watching that, but you can probably guess...

I am a snoop by nature. I love to know about people's lives. Yes. That's right. I'm a reality junky and not afraid to admit it.

Blessed

A month ago at Sawyer's 9 month check up with his new pediatrician here in South Carolina, the doctor plugged Sawyer's stats into his computer as though Sawyer was a 15-month-old.
Before this mistake was discovered, we all had quite a panic when we found that not only were Sawyer's weight and height still hanging out below the 5th percentile on the chart, his head circumference, which had been holding steady at the 25th percentile from birth, had dropped to zero percentile.

This particular pediatrician was not prepared for us to walk into his office that day. He was not prepared for the failure to thrive diagnosis, the in-patient stay in the hospital, or Sawyer's supposed stats.

He needed some time to discuss what was going on with his colleagues.  He sent us out to lunch for an hour.

During this hour I believed that there was something seriously wrong with my baby. At that point, I knew for sure that he was eating and eating well. I believed that his hospital stay was all for naught - the reflux diagnosis a sham, and I saw before me what was certain to be a long, difficult road.

I was scared, but ready.

The sobs of anguish I let out on my way home from the doctor in Poway after Sawyer had his attempt at a blood-draw. The utter terror I felt making the decision to take him in-patient and walking him into the pediatrics ward in San Diego. These feelings were gone. In their place was strength. calm. fear, yes. sadness, yes.

But I was ready to take on whatever that day held. Sawyer is a brave little soldier, this I knew for certain. Together we had been through much, and it was terrible and not as bad as I thought it would be both at the same time.

And just as I set my shoulders firmly in the direction of strength and survival, Mike plugged Sawyer's numbers into a website on his iphone and found some very different percentiles than what the doctor had told us only 40 minutes before.

When we got back, Mike and the doctor looked at the doctor's chart together, and Mike noticed that it was a chart for a 15-month-old.

I almost collapsed with joy.

My uncle later commented that he was shocked that this particular doctor didn't get a solid punch to the face for his mistake. Instead, we were both just filled to the brim with relief and happiness. For a solid hour we truly believed that what Sawyer had was one of those really bad things the doctors had ruled out at the hospital. Thankfully that wasn't the case. We were ready to face it if it was, but it wasn't. Thank God.