Me

I had a really interesting conversation this weekend with a friend of a friend who I met several months ago. I have spent a pretty significant amount of time with her over that time, but the strange thing is that it wasn't until recently that I began to consider her to be my friend.

That's entirely my fault, though. Because, unless a person has a certain kind of personality, it takes a long time for me to open up/feel comfortable with them.

This is important, because that's what our conversation was about. Me and my personality. We recently went on a trip to San Francisco together (with our mutual friend), and I know that it was this trip that helped me to finally feel comfortable enough to open up and be my complete self around her. It was also during this trip that she had an "Aha!" moment about me.

During the trip we had been talking about my military-fiance enemy and all of that drama. I was relaying the story and telling my friends the things that this enemy had said to me. One of the things she had said in an email was that I acted like I was better than everyone else. When I told them that, my friend Andrea said she couldn't believe that ANYONE would ever think something like that about me.

I responded that a lot of the time, people just don't get me, so I wasn't shocked that she might get that kind of impression from me.

That some people just don't "get" me was the aha moment for my (then) acquaintance and (now) friend Sue, and this is what she spoke with me about this past weekend.

She told me that when I said that it really rang true for her. She said that at first, she really didn't quite know what to make of me. But, she wanted me to know that now she really does get me.

It was a really cool conversation; because, she basically told me that she sees that I hold myself at a distance from people at first, but that she really respects that because I am not fake. When I'm ready, I open myself up to people completely, and she said, that makes it all the more special to be my friend. Because, I don't give out my friendship too quickly or easily. And, there's nothing superficial about my friendships.

After talking to her, I really felt that she DOES get me. And, some of the things that she was saying, helped me to understand myself a little bit more. I think she is definitely right. I will not pursue a superficial friendship with someone. My friendships are the real deal, which is why I don't have a thousand friends.

I only have a few. And to those few, I am fiercely loyal.

Thank you, Sue, for "getting" me, and for making me feel good about being just exactly who I am.

Away from Home for the Holidays

With Thanksgiving quickly approaching, I am having mixed feelings about this holiday. On one hand, I'm sad that Hubby will not be here to share it with me. On another hand, I'm EXCITED because my great friend from home will be here visiting. And, on ANOTHER hand (didn't you know military wives have three hands?) I'm feeling disappointed to be once again missing out on a big family gathering.

You see, this year my whole family will be at my parents' house for the feast (or, everyone that matters, anyway), including one of my cousins (who sometimes seems more like a 4th sibling and has been working out of the country for the past few years) AND my brother's girlfriend (who apparently is soon to be his fiance).

But, you know, I can handle the missing out on the big family gatherings thing. As long as the family remembers to mention me in the majority of their conversations (or that's how it goes in my imagination anyway).

What I CANNOT handle, however, is the moment where I make the obligatory holiday phone call home.

It usually goes a little something like this:

The phone gets passed around like a hot potato -- each person feigning interest in the telephone call while being distracted with conversation and laughter going on in the background. It's very annoying. And, it happens EVERY time.

So, family, this year do me a big favor. When I make my phone call, use all of your self-restraint and actually BE interested in your phone conversation with me. And, whatever you do, do NOT talk and laugh with the people in the background.

I understand that this may be a tall order, but I believe that you can handle it. I have faith in you. :)

So, do we have a deal?

comparison

Tonight while driving home from an evening with the ladies, I had a deep moment that I thought I would share with all (2) of my readers.
Here it is: (be prepared for brilliance)
Trying to explain life as a military wife (with a Hubby deployed) to non-military wives(and non-wives) is like trying to explain menstrual cramps to a man.

You never really understand until you experience it for yourself.

I Hate it When People Hate Me

Remember when I wrote about my run-in with a Marine Corps fiance? Well, after I wrote things got a lot uglier. Ugly to the point that she said some very hurtful things to me. Ugly to the point that I had to tell her that if she wrote to me again I would not read it because she was being nothing but hateful to me. Ugly. Ugly. Ugly.

And, even though it's been a couple of weeks since that whole mess, I still think about it sometimes.

Not because I cared about what she said. Not because I thought she was right. But, because I really HATE when people HATE me. And, let me tell you, she sure does hate me.

I'm actually a very sensitive person when it comes down to it. It's hard for me to hear anyone saying anything negative about me. I don't take it well. Outwardly, you would never know that you got to me, though.

For example, today one of my students told me that when he says anything negative about me (to me) I never have a reaction. He was saying it in an admiring way.

But, if you want to know the truth, here it is:

I have a unique relationship with my students where they understand that most of the time they can joke around with me. Most of the time, I'm the one who actually begins the joking around business. Most of the time, if my class gets rowdy, I really know it's my fault. Because I got bored with standing there watching them work quietly.. so I decided to make a weird comment, or poke fun at someone to bring things back to life. So, most of the time it's OK for them to joke around with me.

MOST of the time when my students tease me about my hair, the homework assignment I gave them, the facial expressions I make, etc.. it rolls right off my back. I know not to take them seriously. I also know that if there's one thing that teenagers do well it's COMPLAIN.

However, there are times when my students say things that really hit me straight in the gut. Just yesterday, I got deeply offended when one of the 8th grade boys told me that the 3rd grade teacher has better candy than me.

See, I told you I'm just an old softy at heart.

And, of course, there was the 8th grader who on the bus back from a recent field trip decided to tell me (completely out of the blue), "I'm sorry to tell you Mrs. (Sorry), but you're not my favorite teacher. Mrs. A is (see: 3rd grade teacher who apparently also gives better candy than me) because she didn't give us homework." --
Hmm..

I said.. "Thanks, Chayanne, for sharing that information with me. I'm touched."

But, I was actually very mad. Not because I felt the need to defend myself (see: Of COURSE she gave you no homework. She was your 3rd grade teacher. You're not in 3rd grade anymore, buddy. It's about time you grow up!) I was mad because it BUGS me to know that there are people in the world walking around right now with a less than favorable opinion about me.

I guess if I really think hard about it though, I don't want to be the favorite teacher of an 8th grader who is too immature to realize that having an 8th grade teacher who gives homework is actually a good thing.

And,

when it comes down to it, I really do NOT want someone who is hateful and rude enough to attack my status as a military wife (and worse) to like me.

Problem solved.

Last night Hubby called! Yippee!

BUT,

the phone connection cut out every 3 minutes like clock work. I think Hubby called at least 12 times just so that we could finish our conversation.

Can you say, FRUSTRATING?!

You know your husband has been gone too long...

When you actually SCREAM out loud with excitement when your favorite on-screen love duo finally kiss for the first time!

That's what happened to me tonight, at least, while I was watching my new favorite show. After I screamed out loud with excitement (and woke both of my dogs from their peaceful slumber) I decided that I am suffering from an unfortunate lack of romance in my life.

And, to those of you who have recently been less than grateful towards your significant other here's a tidbit that might have you giving him/her an extra long hug tonight. After suffering through a two week communication drought with Hubby (due to a trip to Fallujah that was extended longer than expected & a fried laptop) for all I knew I could have been in 7th Heaven this morning when we were finally able to talk ON THE PHONE without any loss of connection for a whopping 25 minutes.

What can I say? I've learned to live my life for the little things; because, the big ones are few and far between these days!

Tonight

I lost myself in our President elect's speech tonight. I lost myself in tears and hope and joy. I forgot where I was for a moment in time. When Barack Obama was finished speaking and after he left the stage, my siberian husky (who had been sitting on the couch with me throughout the speech) moved a little bit, and I realized then that I had left my living room during that speech. So, I stopped to look around.. wanting to savor the moment.

When I looked around, I saw an empty living room. I realized then that I had just experienced one of the most important moments in our nation's history without my husband. But, this realization did not make me sad. This realization made me even more filled with hope for the future of our country. This realization gave me an even more profound understanding of the significance of this election.. and the significance of having a President whose judgement I can trust and whose leadership I can be inspired by.

Tonight I experienced one of the most important moments in our nation's history while my husband slept in his bed thousands of miles away in a border fort on the Iraqi/Syrian border. And, tonight.. for the first time in a long, long time.. I cried tears of joy.