Have you ever been on your way to get a new haircut or style and suddenly decided that you are actually completely in love with your hair just the way it is? If so, then maybe you can relate a little bit to how I'm feeling right now. (that happens to me every single time I ever get a haircut, btw. My husband says I have "the grass is greener syndrome". I don't argue).
2.5 weeks from my due date now.... and I'm kind of in denial. But everything in my life is just sooooo perfect right now. How can this MAJOR change be about to take place? I'm just not... ready.
I will be much more ready on Monday when my mother-in-law arrives in town -- at which point I can stop having nightmares and overly dramatic worries about going into labor in the middle of the night and having to wake my peacefully slumbering toddler and dump him in a strange place for the evening while Mike and I rush off to go have his baby brother.
Should I feel bad that this worry/thought has overridden pretty much any newborn baby bliss kind of planning I likely should be feeling right now? I don't know. Just this week, I have had several conversations with people that have gone pretty much verbatim like this:
person: Oh, I bet you are SO READY to have that baby already
me: (sheepishly) yeah, kind of...
person: (silent, bewildered stare)
me: I am just hoping the baby will stay put a little longer... or at least until Monday
person: (not even trying to mask their shock/confusion over this very strange answer) WHY?
me: that's when my help arrives.
person: Oh. that makes sense. (as if to say - sort of, I guess, but you are kind of an alien for being the only person ever in the history in the world who is not completely desperate to meet your precious new little baby right this very instant!!!!!)
.....
end conversation.
I always feel like kind of a bad person when I admit out loud that actually, I really am not completely ready for this baby. I know things are different with #2. I know that when he finally does make his glorious appearance all those little details aren't going to matter to me one little smidgen and my world will start spinning in the very best kind of way. I know Sawyer will love his little baby brother as much as Mike and I will and our world will be doubly blessed with two precious little guys. I know I know I know.
But at this very moment I just can't really wrap my brain around anything but the here and now.. and here and now life has gotten pretty great and pretty easy and Sawyer and I are in a pretty wonderful routine... and now I find myself heading to the "salon" for a "makeover" and I am just not too sure how it's going to go... and that my friends.. is a little bit scary.
